Shalom Bitches!

This promotion is running me ragged. I'm working 10 and 11 hour days and the work is never done. Yesterday, I was really irate because my "boss" does nothing and leaves everything to me, yet he takes the lead in meetings and had the nerve to say we need more action when it comes to problems that come up. In my head I'm like the key to having action is doing stuff. I'm once again in a situation where my partner is dead weight.

Its just frustrating.

I'm the type where if I lose respect for you, you know it. I'm at the point where I'm 1 step from losing all semblance of protocol and just disregarding him. The difficult part is that he's Israeli Jew, as all of the managers are. They all speak Hebrew and I know they would rather get rid of me than him. As shown with my old boss Aladdin who was Egyptian.

At this point, I guess I'm just trying to stick in there until my probation period is over so I can get a raise and hope its good because I know I will not be getting another one for a LONG time. Unlike Aladdin, I don't need this job for a freaking green card.

In other news, Afroman and I talked out our differences.

This damn Blackberry deleted all of my contacts, so I looked at my phone bill and started texting everyone "who is this." He happened to be one of those people and I got to vent out some of my frustrations. It seems to have been a miscommunication. Whatever.

I don't know how I feel about him to be honest. I'm just like ...eh... Maybe, I'm finally getting over him once and for all. He's coming home this weekend for his nephew's birthday. We'll see if I see him at all. I'm not going to try, honestly because I'm tired. I'm always the one initiating everything and if I really mean that much, he'll make the effort.

Stay tuned for that one....

Surprise! I'm not getting my tax refund. Why? Because I owed back taxes which I thought was being taken out of my check. Well...money was being taken out of my check but not being sent to the IRS and while I have a company account, he wasn't applying the money to that either. But, he closed my company account for non-payment.

Motherfucker.

As you can see, I must calm down before I can speak to him because I will curse him the fuck out and its not smart to fuck with the person who hands you a check biweekly. But, fuck! If I made a mistake like that, my ass would be in hot water!

I was so looking forward to that money.

As is the usual case, I've been rambling on during my commute in between wishing to get hit by a car.

Til later, loves....

Wishing On a Star...

now have a work blackberry and my own personal one and switching back and forth with the different buttons will be the death of me.

I'm sorry its been a while since I've posted. Here's what's on my mind....

Dude next to me smelled like Hennessey mixed with Brut. Like he doused himself in it. That shit is not cute. That smell was like IN my nostrils...yuck!

I saw this dude while I was on the platform that looked like a boy I liked a lot in high school.

I'm attracted to the gentle giant. You have to be big enough to man handle me. I'm no small fry. Yet, you must be smart and compassionate enough for me to be threatened by you. That's not the hotness.

Anywho! In high school, I went through a phase where I was very pro-black and I was drawn to men -err- boys who had some type of view of the world. He did: a strong view of it and it was intoxicating. I told u guys once before...the way to my heart and umm...panties...is to mind-fuck me first.

Yumm.

This dude got a season pass to visit anytime he wanted even though time, opportunity, and courage never allowed. So when I saw this dude, you might think that I wouldve been delighted...negative.

I wanted to slap him. Hard.

For while he had a lot to say about women and how they should act, he said nothing about him cheating on his girlfriend every chance he could get. OR of how the Creator would feel that he was stepping out on "his rib" to try and slide up in me for about 3 years while he was still with her and this came after she had a pregnancy scare (and yes..it was by him). I saw them together at an Afrikan Street Festival about 2 years ago. He acted as if he didn't quite remember me. A year later, I saw him again by himself. I'd permedrf my hair again. I'm back and forth with the natural look. He said that I should reclaim my glory and go back to being natural. While I looked great, I would be more beautiful natural and I ate it.

I was dumb. I really took to what he said. I put him on a pedestal and I have no idea why.

I'm glad that not all of our wishes are granted. I wanted him so bad once upon a time.....and why? To have him cheat on me and tell me how to wear my hair and eventually what to wear.


<<>>

Just Wake Up!!

My summer plans seem to be shaping up already. I'm going to South Carolina with the fam next month, almost begrudgingly. I'm going to Chicago for the July 4th weekend and I'm going to a wedding with Jake in August. Not to mention I've already committed to going to Six Flags, Splish Splash, and DC.

Its going to be so much fun.

I got rid of my sidekick and am now in the land of Blackberry Curve. For some reason, I can't mobile blog from it.....hmmmmm. So....I'm making due.

My promotion is working well...I guess. No one listens to me and when they do, its only to repeat what I say as if they thought of it. I'm leaving early to stay late and I'm working hard and dare I say it....I like it.

They want to give me a Blackberry for there and I'm not so thrilled about it. I like to leave work at work but......we'll see. Plus it means I'll be more accountable and who really wants that?

Lol

I spent the night with BFF(do u think I shouldve given her a name? Hmmm... I figured I have a lot of friends and it would be easier to have her as BFF). Anywho! Why the hell does she have this system in place:

She has to get up at 8am.

The alarm rings at 7:15.

She hits snooze.

It rings at 7:30.

She hits snooze.

It rings at 7:45.

She hits snooze again.

Wtf?

She said it eases her into waking up.

I'm like just get up.

She said its not that simple.

But now that I think of it...that's how her parents used to wake her up for school every morning when we were younger. In my household, I was afraid to not get up on the first call of my name. My mom was not to be toyed with.

Plus, that whole snooze shit wears me out. By the time it was 8am, I just wanted to sleep uninterrupted. What do you guys think? On a hard-pressed morning, I give myself a pep talk out of bed but I can't hit snooze. What's your morning routine?

She's Baaaaaaaaack!

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Smile

As I think of last night/this morning, among the many things that put a
smile on my face is 4 year old Justin. I was at a friend's house when he
caught my eye and smiled. I goaded him to sit on my lap and in 5 seconds
he was up again making funny noises and laughing at everything and
nothing.

He's a real heartbreaker.

I ran around with him, swirled him around, threw him in the air and took
Cheetos from his hand and ate them.

His mother asked as he was leaving, what's her name?

Girl.

That's not her name. Ask her.

What's your name? He asked me in broken child-speak.

Nina.

Ninja?

No. Nee-na.

Ninja?

Yes. Ninja.

Everyone laughed.

Do you want a son?

No, I'm good for now.

You'd be a great mother.

Thanks.
And so, because my potential is so great...Happy Mother's Day to me.

And Jenny...I mean Jane and Trina.

And to all those who've lost their mothers like myself. Can't you feel
them smiling down on us?

What's What

Me: That was the last time we will sleep together.

Blair: That is ur decision and I have no choice but to respect it

Me: Thank you

It is done.
***
3 weeks ago, I called Afroman. He picked up erroneously and I heard him
speaking to another person. "I don't talk to her. She calls me. I don't
call her."

I was sure I was mistaken.

I hit him up later that night.

I called you. Did you know?

Yes. I picked up and said I didn't feel like talking.

That's not what I heard.

What did u hear?

I told him.

He said he sounded far away because he had his phone set for bluetooth
and he couldn't find it, so he was yelling so I could hear him.

Immediately after he says that, he says he's going to sleep.

All this time, we haven't spoken, txt, e-mailed...nothing. We went from
daily communication to nothing. He mentioned a girl he was seeing. It
could be her. It could be the ex he's living with. Whomever it is. Even
if he's decided to not speak to me, the least I should've gotten is an
explanation.

To say I am deeply hurt is an understatement.

I will end this here.
Until tomorrow.

Baby's Breath

I'm in the middle of a mood swing.

I'm tired.

It's raining heavily.

Everyone wants attention. I'm spent.

I want sleep.

I want kisses.

I want tender caresses.

I want everyone but the one or 2 persons I want loving from to disappear
from the face of the Earth.

I am still learning about myself. Its like finding treasure: little
pieces of my personality springing up like flowers.

Today, I remembered how kind I can be and how accomodating I can be of
people. I will run to get Gi a smaller/bigger size dress while she is in
a fitting room. I will smile at strangers. I flirt with babies.

Today, I learned how much of a bitch I can be. I will look someone in
the face, have the speak to me and not answer. I will hang up on someone
who has outlived my patience. I will be stoic and rude because I don't
feel like being bothered.

I will not care who does/does not like me or what anyone thinks about me
if u are not someone of substance in my life.

When I don't give a shit, I don't give a shit.

I am awaiting the end of tumultuous work-week tomorrow. I am eating good
food tonight on my couch alone with fruit punch and creme brulle ice
cream.

And I am exhaling for the first time all day.