I Dream of Jane?

A few days ago, I dreamt that I was on a school bus in full schoolgirl garb when across from me, sat Jane. In true mean girl fashion, she called me a loser for backing out on our plan. Out of nowhere, she grabbed me and we ran out of the back of the bus. (Oh yea, in 4 inch heels)

We ran to an abandoned warehouse where the police were swarming the building. Jane ran, jumped out the window into the building across the street. She yelled for me, but I was displaying serious bitch-assness. I stayed and the police handcuffed me. A few minutes later, Jane was being brought back, accompanied by a drag queen I know (in full schoolgirl uniform and 4inchers). They took the handcuffs off and put house arrest ankle bracelets on. We all stood up and started doing a runway walk in the abandoned building.

Then, I woke up....

Weird.

So, Jane, this goes out to you, since you're obviously my dream girl!

(I was going to post my favorite Jane posts, but I'm lazy and busy at work - not a good combo)

Color Quiz

Nina took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Considers the existing circumstances disagreeable ..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

New Look

How ya like me now?

Thought it was time for a change.

Only thing is...my blogroll is gone. My popular blog series is gone...

So, I must rebuild.

and..I will!!!

If you really want to help me, you can do it by commenting so I don't have to go through my history.

A Brief Step Away...

Having Theo around this weekend was...

A lot of fun.

My phone was broken.

He fixed it.

My toilet was stopped.

He fixed it.

I had heavy bags.

He carried them.

He held my hand. We talked all night.

It was like having my best friend on testosterone.

I had a dream we slept together.

It was disturbing, but I wouldn't have minded.

Theo's boyfriend would've.

Still...Distracted

Hello,

It is me.

The left side of my brain telling the right to doze off in the middle of that really boring meeting.

I'm in chill mode. Or at least trying to be.

This weekend was so relaxing. My friend Theo came to visit me this weekend from DC. It's interesting to be around people who are not from here. Even in the way they walk down the street. It's so...slow.

Theo and I began our adventure on Friday afternoon.

We embarked on what most call HAPPY HOUR in the village.

For it to be July 4th, it felt more like a Sunday than a national holiday or maybe national holidays feel like Sundays. I've worked every holiday for the past 4 years, I can hardly remember what it feels like.

So, we first started out at Maracas on Greenwich Ave.

24oz margarita for $7.50.

Thank you very much!

8 oz margarita, $4.

I should've stopped there.

We started toward the pier - our intention to look at the fireworks on the pier.

Theo had another idea. Stop in every bar on the way and take advantage of their happy hour.

The first bar we encountered..I would never have gone inside. It was lily lily white. There was a man on the outside who told us he flew nothing but first class on British Airways. All other arlines were shit.

We got a rum and pineapple which was really smooth and our friend Matt went to use the bathroom. He came out. His eyes were wide. The bathroom door had a huge window in it, where you can see all of someone's manly bits, if you chose to. Did I mention this was a gay bar?

Yes.

So, this dude comes up to us.

"You're so beautiful. Let me get a picture," he says to me. He sounded like Austin Powers for real.

I took a pic.

"Your friends are hot. Let me get a picture."

We obliged.

"Let me get another solo pic."

We all laughed. It got a little weird when The Foreigners, "I Want to Know What Love Is" blasted through. We left.

We walked a little further.

We walked down to the Hangar. They had 2 for 1 drinks. Kamikaze's all around.

Whoa.

By this time, Matt was soo messed up. We wobbled down to the pier. Matt began to throw up. It was horrible. He could hardly walk. Thank goodness Theo is strong to carry his body weight.

We try take a cab to my house. The driver refuses to take us because Matt is making gurgling noises like he's about to puke. We get another cab. It takes us 20 minutes.

We finally get home. Theo takes off Matt's clothes and throws him in the shower. He's awake now. We get dressed and go to the club.

I wasn't really feeling it, but I had a good time. I was tired, dehydrated, and a little hungry.

..TO BE CONTINUED...

Worthy?

Sometimes, our hearts are so damaged and our heads are left spinning. Sometimes, our things just escape our grip. Sometimes....
It all is beyond our control. Sometimes, its all too hard.

And then, a glimmer of hope comes and we forget ourselves. We forget we're worthy of love, of tenderness, of happiness.

I haven't forgotten.

If happily ever after is a place, I'm just on a detour.

Sometimes, you have to be your own glimmer of hope. Sometimes, a blogger is just someone who writes well. Who is smug and arrogant and can't open up. Who connects on the surface. I tried to pull you from your pedestal and instead, I toppled over.

Sometimes, a man is just a man.
Sometimes, a need must go unfulfilled.

Sometimes, lust is not enough.

I am a damaged dreamer, swimming against the tide - my hopes buried deep in my chest. I am worthy of love. Of care. I can not be cast aside like yesterday's news.

And in that, I lay down my pen tonight.

Sometimes, you must simply let go.
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Struggle

A funny thought entered my mind as I was walking to the train station. After I wrote my suicide post, Jane wrote her post and she posed some interesting questions. Are we weak as a generation?

Yes.

I think society as a whole has diluted the minds of young people with its MTV and lack of family values.

We see Sweet 16, the Hills, Gossip Girl, and we think we should live this way. It is our right. And then...


Reality hits us in the stomach...

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