Uninspired.

I apologize for my brief hiatus. It was unplanned.

Its funny that I'm writing this on today, the 7th day. 7 is the day of completion.

Anywho...what has gone on the past few days?

Not much. I've been trying to seek out inspiration for my book. I've researched self-publishing. I found something reasonable. I have topicsI want to write about. The only thing left to do.....is WRITE.

That's the tricky part.

I don't want to piss away my ambition or talent. So, yes instead of writing in this blog, I've been writing doodle-style. Whatever comes to mind, it goes straight from brain to paper.

It works. Kinda.

***

I've been alone for a long time and that is translating to my writing.
I've got to cut it out. How many stories about loneliness can someone take in one sitting? I've started doing better. I slacked off in my appearance for a short
while wearing whatever happened to be clean out of the house. I've got little outfits together and I'm waking up earlier to put makeup on
BEFORE I leave home.

I guess its working. I turned a couple of heads today.

*-*

Gi paid to get my hair done and LP paid my cable bill yesterday. I
really needed both. I pay them back tomorrow.

I'm learning to accept the type of friendship I've given out my entire
life and never got back until now. When I have money, they get it
generously and vice versa.

They saw a void and they filled it and for them I am grateful.

I accept this as my karma.

I'm saddened by BFF anf BGF. She's not there. Monday, I accidentally
deleted Internet Explorer off of my computer. I immediately thought of
Afroman. Funny, with certain things, he's still the first person I run
to. Anywho...I called her. It was 2pm. She said she was going out with
her father to a computer store to buy something really quickly. She
would be back in an hr, at the most an hr and a 1/2. 5 hours later, she
was a no-show.

She came after I called her to tell her that Afroman did evetually fix
it and she didn't pick up. She showed up to my house unanounced and was
shocked at her icy reception.

BGF is said to look like he's coked out. Its such a sad situation
because I watched him deteriorate before my eyes and I tried to be there
for him, getting used in the process.

I think he's lost. I don't know how to find him.

He turned 26 yesterday. He has a mediocre job, no apartment or car of
his own and livinf off of men and dreams of going back to school to make
it right.

I'm learning what it means to be a grown woman as I go along. I think
I'm doing better. Loosening up on my stark critique of myself and of
others.

Today on the way to work my favorite song, "Umi Says' by Mos Def blared
on my iPod unexpectantly....
I think this will mark the rest of my day..

This wino said something to me last night...

"Keep your head above water even if you can swim. Remember, no one likes
to get wet and you're no fish."

And so...I leave these words to you as food for thought. Feel free to
comment...