Deflector Shields Down

I was talking to YW on gchat and she pointed out that I've been running into a lot of dudes lately. I really hadn't noticed. Well, not enough to make a mental note of it. I told her I had no idea how it happened but I feel like I stopped deflecting men.

Anywhosies....I loved my outfit tonight...all black with a small leather purse shaped like a sliced watermelon and lime green eyes. Yes, to me, eyeshadow is part of an outfit.

As I was walking down to the train, a dude approached me. He gave me his number. I called him and my name (first and last) popped up. I DO NOT LIKE THAT ONE BIT! Wtf!?!

I went to this hip hop artist showcase tonight. It was dooope. Archer performed and won! He's just too too tooo sexy. Oy!

It seemed like he had a date...some really cute Spanish girl with a tight lil body. Heifer! Lol. I'm not hating (ok, a lil bit) but whatever. What's for me is for me and no chick can take it away.

Moving along...I think I'm over Carter. Last night, I was telling him a story. In the midst of which, he totally cut me off and started his own point. He did that about two or three times and we only spoke for about 40 minutes. In talking about relationships, he said "I know the right things to do now. I know what to say, how to act, what to be like.." O_o

Clearly not.

That went against one of my criteria for a man. He doesn't respect my voice. No one's opinion is more important than your own. And OH EM GEE! If he mentions his book or his videos ONE MORE TIME, Idk what I'm gonna do! So, yea..I'm fading in the distance. If he contacts me, I'll respond. Eventually, people realize they're the only ones reaching out and beat it!

We'll see. I'm so turned off. As a chubby kid, I always wanted someone to see me as beautiful. They only noticed my brain. As a beautiful chubby woman, I want my brain to be appreciated. Actually, I want both.

*sigh*

In regard to the Carter situation...thank you Belle. Thank you for reading. What you said was awesome! "Allow him to prove himself." I'll remind myself of that in any relationship I'm thinking of pursuing. I have to remind myself to do that because I'm so Type A and go-getterish that if something doesn't happen quickly enough, I feel compelled to make it happen. I need to breathe and relax and let it come to me.

It is amazing what you see when you open your eyes!
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