Theo Huxtable

I sat in the lounge on a leather couch, my grayscale cheetah leggings and pink suede pumps that matched my lipstick pretty much had me pegged as the pretty young thang of the night.

To say I felt out of place as the DJ kept shouting out the "grown-up" over 30 and better, would be an understatement. I crossed my legs, straightened the wide belt that cinched my waist and let my tongue graze my teeth - my tell that I was bored out of my mind.

AJ, a makeup artist that I work with on the magazine, had extended many invitations to me to join her out and I'd found sufficient reasons to not show up thrice before. I like AJ and I wanted to preserve our amicable relationship and so, I showed up for brunch on time. She, however, didn't show up for an hour and a half. So, I found myself fending of drink invitations from men who appeared to be card-carrying AARP members. It seemed, I'd failed to inquire as to which crowd would be there.

I hadn't realized that AJ was apart of the over 35 set either and so, when she came I felt like the calvary had come. She encouraged me to take advantage of the free massages they were giving out. They weren't great but they did help my lower back which was jacked up due to shoveling snow and a shoot back to back.

A little later on, as I was sitting next to AJ, her friend came over and started talking to her. I'd seen him earlier and wasn't really impressed so when he and AJ were having a disagreement and he asked to borrow me to have his chance to plead his case even more, I went reluctantly. I had no idea what they were talking about.
He informed me that they were arguing about his ability to give massages. He gave me a sneak peek and it was really good. He told me he learned how to give massages in Colombia and he wasn't sure if he were good because his Spanish is bad and their English is worse. I told him I'd vouch for him but I asked why was it so important.

He told me that she downed him and that to get her back he'd give her one really great massage and then cut her off. That way he'll have the power.

I asked what would I get if I vouched for him. He said 4 massages and on the 5th I'd beg for more. I said, no, I'd just propose. As soon as I said that "Poison" came on. He was like "Whoa...don't say that to a man while Poison is playing. "

He was very funny and charming.
He joked that he needed a green card and so he wanted to fast track the process. On Tuesday, we'd meet at INS and get a move on. He said the process is that you have to wait 2 years to be married and be married 5 years to get the green card. I asked him where he was from and he said a part of Harlem where you need a green card to be considered a citizen still. He said with his luck, we'll be married 4 years and 1 day short of the 5th year and I'll ask for a divorce. Somehow, we talked about Star Trek (he showed me how to do the Vulkan Mind Meld), laughed at how people born on Feb 29th had a bad rap, how surprisingly there are no brothas on Krypton although their names are deceptive and his requirements for me in our green card marriage. Which are basically peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ESPN. He is hilarious!

AJ told me we were made for each other because our sense of humor is very similar. I said, how many men know how to do the Vulkan Mind Meld?

The moment of truth came when we talked about The Shadow, this nightclub notorious for the over 50 crowd. He said, "I liked dating 25-year old when I was 33, 7 years ago but I don't know about now..."

My eyes went wide.

"What?"

"I'm 24." I laughed.

"Why didn't you stop me?"

"I didn't know if I should have. I like you but I understand if my age is a problem for you. "

He thought for a moment.

"It's not. I mean, it may have when I was 15 and you were a baby but things are evening out now. "

He told me he liked my shoes and was amazed I could walk in them. I was ecstatic to hear that - they're 4inches high and I'd been in them since church that morning. I felt like they'd paid off, lol.

I took his number (bold of me!) and told him to look out for me stalking him on FB. He walked us to AJ's car, helped me walk over the snow, hugged me and opened the door for me.

She asked me who he reminded me of. Malcolm Jamaal Warner, I said. He has the long locs and everything. He cringed. He gets that a lot. I said.."No worries, man, everyone loved Theo Huxtable!"
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