..and then there was ONE

I would like to say that I know that Lee was special when we were messaging back and forth...but I didn't.
I knew that I liked his conversation and felt at ease with him.
We had some sparks. When I heard his voice, I heard that he was stable and strong.
When we had our date, I was excited.

We met up on a snowy wintry night and I was wearing the wrong shoes and not enough clothes and he was tired.  He works crazy hours like...15 hour shifts and we were both not on our A-game.
But, we sat over hot chocolate and pastries and it felt like talking to an old friend.

He drove me home and we sat awkwardly at the end of the night in front of my house. I'd made up my mind I wasn't going to kiss him. I've had my cold forever and he was going to Panama. I didn't want to give it to him.  I made a comment about hoping to see him when he got back.  He asked why wouldn't I? I said, he could find the woman of his dreams on a beach out there. He gave me a hug and called me silly and then instinct took over and I fell on his lips...

Wow.

They were like two soft pillows.

Wow.

I fell asleep and had some crazy dreams all involving him and I woke up the next day knowing we would be together. I don't know how I know. I just do.

Anyway...he's off in Panama and I'm here missing someone I hardly know. Time will tell.
But I feel like I know...Maybe I'm crazy.

In Between

It is really hard when you realize you were so totally wrong in your living and God is stretching you, imploring you to do better.

Tonight, we had Pastoral Bible Teaching. The title of the teaching is" Surviving In Between." You're not where you were but you're not where God wants you to be and its also too late to go back.

I'm in that in between state. Literally. In every aspect of my life. I'm in between jobs, loves... *sigh*

My pastor said that we use the in between as something that is negative but being in between means that there's something else on the horizon.

The first part of the teaching was about God-complexes. He said, "If you're the one that everyone runs to when they have a problem, something is wrong."

I am the one that everyone goes to when they have a problem.

He also said that you need to get off of other people's ship of tribulation. He mentioned Jonah and the whale and how when Jonah was on the ship and it was rocking. The crew was throwing heavy things off the ship when Jonah had already told them that he was the reason for the storm.

He said, "Warning comes before destruction. A haughty look comes before the fall. When you were doing your mess, someone told you to stop doing it and you didn't. Just like you've told someone what they were doing was wrong and they didn't it brought a whole heap of trouble on their head just like it brought a whole heap of trouble on yours."

He also said, "Let people take the medicine they chose. Let some people go. "

The first person that came into my mind was BFF. Sunday, Punjabi's (ex) girl walked up on her and him while she was picking up a Mother's Day. The girl called her a whole bunch of bitches and whores. BFF was so rattled that yesterday she literally spent the entire day with me. We cooked, ate, walked the dog, everything. at 11pm, I was like...okay, I'm tired. You can stay and sleep or you can drive home. Anytime there's trouble, she calls me when we all warned her several times to leave dude alone. A few of my friends tell me in nice ways to let her stew in her mess. "Nina, you're patient," the say, "too patient." Maybe they're warning me..."let her swallow her own medicine." Pastor said tonight to let God deal with his people. Don't let them lean on you so much they're not turning to Him. He brought them to the place they're at for a reason. He said even in our own mess. Sometimes, we'll pray for God to help and in a snap of our fingers, he helps and then another time...same prayer and he doesn't respond.

So, I'm not sure what to do when it comes to BFF. Im sure there's a reason why I'm the only one who listens to her talk about her troubles.

*sigh*

There was a lot more I'll share later