restraint

As I walked up the stairs strong, as to not alarm my neighbor that I was tipsy, walked into my apartment, kicked off my shoes and threw off my purse...undressing all the way to the bed, picking up a t-shirt, putting it on backwards, and collapsed on the bed - spread eagle style..I was happy for practicing restraint.

BF4Now

How I work in customer service, I do not have a clue. I do it
begrudgingly. I hate people's quirks. The shit that they do that
inconvenience others. Argh.

Before riding on that train of thought taints my post....I'll move on.

I have $4.38 in my bank account til next Friday.
Exactly.
And, I don't care. I am happy. I bought my ticket to Miami. I've booked
my car. All is set and well and all I'm paying for next is the
transportation when I get there and hotel...and of course...FUN! This
summer is kind of shaping out to what I wanted it to be. My girls and I
really enjoying life.
Can't wait to sip drinks in South Beach.
Yowza!

I was not productive at work today by any stretch of the imagination. I
answered 3 emails, took 5 phone calls and effectively found a killer
bathing suit. Work was great.

GiGi, LaPrincesa, and I decided to let our hair down and take in a lil
Mexican food. After 1 drink, I was feeling thye love. After digesting
and getting caught up on the lives of our coworkers...we found ourselves
on the pier laughing and talking. We discussed penis size, or rather
variations of it, God, family, out of control teenagers and LP said that
I'm the most together 21 year old she knows.
That warmed my heart. Because, I try.

Even know as I write this from my sidekick. My trust companion, a little
more than tipsy...I'm glad that I've found friends. Maybe not til the
end. But I won't know until we get there.

Disillusionment and Mariah Carey

It was twilight
On the Fourth of July
Sparkling colors were
Strewn across the sky
And we sat close enough
That we just barely touched
While roman candles
Went soaring above us and baby

Then you put your hand in mine
And we wandered away
I was trembling inside
But I wanted to stay
Pressed against you there
and leave the world behind
On that Fourth of July

So starry eyed
On the flowery hillside
Breathless and fervid
Amid the dandelions
As it swept over me
Like the wind through the trees
I felt you sigh with a
Sweet intensity and baby

Then you put your hand in mine
And we floated away
Delicately lay entwined
In an intimate daze
A crescent moon began to shine
And I wanted to stay
Tangled up with you among the fireflies
On that Fourth of July

Thunder clouds
Hung around
So threateningly
Ominously hovering
And the sky
Opened wide
Showering

Then you put your hand in mine
And we ran from the rain
Tentatively kissed goodnight
And went our separate ways
And I've never truly felt the way that I
Felt the Fourth of July

Truly I have never felt the same inside
Like that Fourth of July
Truly I could never feel the same as I
Felt that Fourth of July

My 4th of July was never like this. Ever.
**Growing up, I wished like hell it was. I imagined myself playing cat and mouse with a beautiful poet-type or football-type. My hair blowing in the wind. Perfect outfit. Running in the cool grass barefoot. I'd let
him catch me and he'd tackle me gently and we'd roll around in the grassand bam! He'd kiss me.


**Backup Fantasy:
We would both be at the county fair..I would be with my cousins. He'd be with his boys and we would flirt with each other telepathically. Somehow we would maneuver ourselves to be standing next to each other just as the fireworks were doing their magic. As they were beginning, he'd pull me close and we would kiss, our lips parting as the final roman candle blew up in the sky....leaving each other with the memory. Not even
exchanging names.

Needless to say, I may have read too much Shakespeare as a kid...my fantasies were a little tragic and adult.But, MC made me believe.She made me want to keep hope alive that one 4th, I would experience magic.

Sometimes, I still believe in this.


**I haven't been lying to you about being a New Yorker this whole time. My summers were spent in South Carolina as a child. Fantasizing about hot holidays were all there was to do anyway**

What a Day!

The day started with me turning over, getting out of bed..groaning..not really wishing to get on with it..but, with a stern talking to...I finally got up, realizing I had to meet Twin#1 today. Did a load of laundry. Cleaned up my old apartment and while I was taking a painting and a rug upstairs to my new apartment, I heard a pop in my neck...not good. Pain ensued. SHIT SHIT SHIT!

I can't turn to the left. I can't look straight without a strain. Looking to the right doesn't hurt if I hunch my left shoulder. Geeez.

I soldiered on and went to Jack's 99 cent Store on 34th Street. That store is like heaven. Anything you want for cheap! I bought a chrome and white hamper for 8 bucks. Met up with Twin#1 and proceeded to walk to the fabric district. And there on 39th and 8th...I saw it. Its beauty stopped me in my tracks. The fabric that I will use for a certain female blogger's pillows. Beautiful. And not so expensive. AND...they had it in red/white and white/red. Loves it! Snatched it up and proceeded to get trimmings. Loving the company and also glad I talked myself out of bed for this.

Twin1 and I proceeded to get on the train and it was a mass of giggles. There was the cutest little girl that kept staring at us respectively. Weirdo. The beautiful Dominican man with muscles who is either gay and was looking at another man or is really into lesbians holding hands.Weirdo. There was the man the Dominican was looking at who I want to hop on. Lustbot. And the unfortunate accidental spitting accident I had when i burst out laughing. Thanks Twin1.

Hung out at Twin1's house. Vouguing to the beats, acting like the drag queens I've seen on too many occasions and catching on mutual friends. Good food was bought and eaten slowly. Movies were watched. Time moved at a swift pace.

On the way home, on the subway, I am sitting in front of one of the most beautiful women I've seen. She sat with her legs crossed wearing the cutest shoes, shorts, lovely ruffle top, and a blazer. Smart outfit. A wonderful white clutch that I was contemplating mugging her for and her hair in a low side braided ponytail. Hardly any makeup and a little liquid liner. A rowdy threesome came on the train, which we both shared apprehension about. One guy sat next to me. One next to her and a woman in the middle. The guy next to me asked the woman next to him if he could have some gum as she was pulling it out to chew a piece herself. She politely gave it to him, which in the exact same moment, his friend decided he wanted to chew a piece as well. Guy 1 threw it to Guy 2 and he missed, having it land on the floor.

Guy 1: Dude, pick it up and eat it
Guy 2: No, man. I'll eat the next piece if you throw it and it lands on the floor if you eat that piece that's there.
Guy 1: Sure man
He proceeds to eat the gum of the floor
Guy 2: You're disgusting
Guy 1: What 5-second rule. That was like 2 seconds, its fine.
Me and beautiful smartly dressed woman are looking at each other mouths hanging wide open.
Guy 1: Right....5 second rule.
Guy 2: Yea man. That was cool.
Girl w/2 guys: You guys are dickeads
Guy 2: Yea, we are. We never said we weren't.
Guy 1: Yea, we're 2 dickheads.
Me and beautiful smartly dressed woman are still looking at each other mouths hanging wide open.
Guy 1 (to my shocked insta-friend): Yea, that was cool right. 2-second rule.
Insta-friend: Dude, I don't want you to talk to me out of fear that you may spit when you talk and I'll get a disease. You realize you just ate something off the subway floor. This is why brown people think white people are crazy.
Guy 1: White people are crazy.

We totally need to be friends for real. Sadly, I got of the train, mouth open, amused and fled off into the night. NYC is a crazy town.

Pink Toes, Purple Hair, & the N Word

The started out as hum-drum as can be. The alarm sounded at 5am,
signaling an intense groan. "I can't call out...its impossible," I
thought.....really tempted to just say fuck it and do it.
Got stuck with 2 rookies at work. And one of the more seasoned people
called out and I wanted to kill her with my bare hands, but I knew it
was inevitable.
Busy busy busy bee.
Met GiGi and LaPrincesa for pedicures and decided to get my nails done.
These are supposed to be indulgences....a time to relax, let my hair
down, and enuoy being pampered. Only, the pregnant lady doing my nails
was taking forever to file and buff...to the point where...had she not
been preggo, I would've choked her or hit her upside the head with the
damn buffer. SHITE! (Yes, shite...in my new attempt to use less cuss
words...shite)

And so, with much calming down from GG and LP...I "enjoyed" it...rather
grit my teeth and agonized quietly.

My toes are beautiful Essie color Watermelon.

Moving on, we went to the neighborhood greasy spoon for Spanish food.
I planned not to eat anything but couldn't resist rotisserie chicken
with yellow rice and and beans. I ate entirely too much...leaving my
stomach hurting.

I was in a pretty good mood...that is until I had to take the ride home.
Being that I was o8n 103 and Lex. The only way home was via the 6. Which
I transferred to the 4..which wasn't going into Brooklyn...so...I got on
the B at Bleecker. There was this beautiful woman on the train witha
beautiful deep purple hair. It was cut into mohawk. She was soo tired
that she kept falling the sleep. It was like watching aw cat...she'd try
to read and then she'd doze off...then as she was looking at her
phone...she'd doze. I kept staring at her picturing which haircut I'd
give her.
We both finally got off the train. Hopefully, she settled on sleep and I
settled on vamping her up with jet black, stick straight, parted down
the middle and layered around her face.
Then I missed the bus as I was walking down the street. Part of me
wanted to run for it...but something stopped me. I looked down at my
pretty watermelon toes in my thong sandals and the downward slope of the
hill, knowing the imminent tumble. So...I was there at 8:45. The next
bus was scheduled to leave at 9:11. So I waited and waited and waited
some more. The bus didn't come until 9:41.
OMGSONNAVABITCHANDAMUFUCKINGSHIT.
So much for curbing my cussing.
To add insult to injury....this group of obnoxious boys were using the n
word a little too freely. Enough to make me cringe everytime they used
it....I was in permanent cringe mode.
Add the nauseous feeling I was experiencing (ala irresistible rotisserie
chicken beans and rice) and the air conditioning on an already brisk
nite and I wasin MTA hell....shit!

I had the hugest sigh of relief!
By the time I got home...my toes were freezing and I just wanted
sleep.

The universe knows how to stick it to you (wished it would use
lubricant) sheesh!

Octavia E. Butler, Diva Extraordinaire

I looooove Octavia Butler. Until her death, she was the only black female science fiction writer. She writes as though she is inside of the story - if that make sense to you. Like..she's in this alternate universe and she's telling you about her people. She writes with attention to detail. It seems like she's like me - she's people-watched and she gets the little things right.

Go to http://www.blackamericaweb.com/site.aspx/bawnews/butler228 to read her bio.

Anywho..I've decided to read everything she's written. A total of 17 books (minus her articles in science fiction books)

Here Goes a list of all of her work (just in case you want to join me in my quest: (all in order of date of publication earliest to latest)

1. Parable of the Talents
2. Journeys
3. Patternmaster
4. Mind of my mind
5. Survivor
6. Kindred
7. WildSeed
8. Clay's Ark
9. Dawn
10. Imago
11. Adulthood Rites
12. Parable of the Sower
13. Bloodchild (short stories all by OEB)
14. Parable of the Talents
15. Lilith's Brood
16. Fledgling
17. Seed to Harvesta

Asian girl's revenge

That Asian Girl that I pissed off on Friday nite sent her cosmic Asian
homegirl after me!

I bought a bed off of craigslist. A beautiful barely used bed for $35.
Yes...$35. A steal!!!! Wouldn't common sense say that ummm....I'm a
chick and when I said I found a car to move it from ur place to
mine...to have it ready?! No...
I called to say I was on my way.
I called to say I was downstairs.
And yet..I still had to wait for her to clear it off and carry it
downstairs...which! She had to do in heels.
Ba!
I realize I don't like people who are unprepared. You have to have some
type of charisma about you.
Don't do things so cut and dry...evne though I am very blunt. I know how
to clean it up and set it up so that it doesn't cut you off at the
ankles.
So...in the middle of loading everything into my hired van (omg! This is
costing me $$!) she's like...you didn't pay me. So...I say here! And
hand her the money, now lets carry the boxspring. Did she think I was
going to drive off and not pay her?
Wha?

That pissed me off a lot. But...I guess that was the price I had to pay
for a $35 bed (mattress, boxspring, frame w/wheels and all)

Hell if that wasn't an awesome trade-off.
I had the best sleep I've had since I moved into my place.

PS. Your invitation to frozen cosmos has been revoked.