Tired...incessantly

Incessantly tired. Waiting for that grand vacation where I just relax.
I've been really depressed lately. Hiding it like a pro - hahaha...not
really. It comes out as anger but I'm really sad. Wishing that life
would be better - sometimes thinking it should be...just because.
Thinking to myself more often than not...y? Why are we here? Why am I
here? What's my purpose...since I'm not a supermodel...(personal
joke)...and I'm not rich. Just a mortal human with $20 in my pocket for
the next 2 weeks..yea...really realy broke-(thanks BGF!)..what am I
supposed to be doing because my imagination and my thoughts of grandeur
are interrupted by ringing phones, needy/annoying/angry customers and
when someeone screams "fuck" I want to scream it with them. Because I
know how deep that comes from within.
And then...my friends....they're just as sad/angry as I am looking at me
for help emotionally. Maybe I'm not emotionally available. Maybe I've
just run out of cool/nice shit to say because I can't think of
anything. But I'm known to be THE ONE everyone talks to and maybe
that's just too intimidating for me. Half the time I want to cry right
along with them but I'm not allowed because I'm me. Who do I talk to?
This blog...my phantom cult following. I imagine there are scores of you
who gather around ur monitors every day awaiting my next issue of
literary diarrhea.
I wish I wish I wish....
I could fly away.....
Maybe I'm not as strong as I thought I was...there's a hole in my armor
and the arrow hit me sqaure in the middle of it.
No one is supposed to know how tragic I am. I don't think they do.
Take chances..tell the truth..date someone wrong for u...laugh til ur
stomach hurts...seek revenge..apologize..be random..spend all ur
cash....LIVE LIFE!