Where's Your Head At?

Mine is in so many places right now. Last week, my brother was supposed to come up from South Carolina. I told him I was feeling overwhelmed about the grandma situation and that his coming and staying for a week would help me out. Needless to say, he didn't show and hasn't returned my phone calls.

You know how you just know when someone is going to let you down? He constantly does and I always give him the benefit of the doubt that he won't.

*le sigh*

Today is Day 3 of an 18-day fast I'm on. I was sitting in church on Sunday and I swear, God spoke to me plain as day telling me to go on this fast. I knew it had to be Him because I've never stuck to a fast for more than a few hours.

This one is: no soda, no artificial juices, no alcohol, only fruit and veggies, and only 1 meal after 5pm.

Pepsi is my crutch. No lie. I must drink at least 2 bottles a day. I'm not that hungry during the day really...I just crave stuff like Lil Debbie pies, Blow Pops, Laffy Taffy, omg! Doritos!!!

The first 2 days were fine. Today, I felt sick to my stomach and sour in my mouth. I was miserably counting down the minutes til 5pm. Even after I ate, I still felt sick.

I'm still on it though. I think my body needs to detox. My lower back hurts like hell which probably means kidney problems (hereditary) and I don't have insurance to investigate. Gotta figure something out.

Gi is pregnant. She seems happy. Her baby father is going to give her problems. I can tell. He's not the most stand-up guy but she wanted a baby. I know she did and she feels she can do it alone so...*shrug* I check in on her and I'll do what I can for her. She's 6 weeks in. I really wish her the best!

BFF is still with Punjabi. He gave her a car. The car is pretty ummm...funny. It looks pretty on the outside. Its just the driver's side window doesn't go down, the security system is faulty. Stuff like that but she's happy and it gets her from home to school which is really what she needed.

The same thing is going on in my love department. The dudes that excite me are with gorgeous women and the ones who low-key repulse me are at it.

Oh yea, so Aussie and I spoke probably around the time the last post was...he says, we don't work because I don't try. That really pissed me off bc I feel like I try too much. Yadda yadda. So, my phone breaks...I was on my old phone for a week. Didn't have his #. He doesn't call or text me. I get a replacement. Find his #. Text him

"Life is funny. Isn't it?"

He calls me. Says, his ex is stalking him. He changed his # (to his current one that I had). She got a restraining order against him (lying on him.) She called him and text him. He got locked up for violating the restraining order. His grandma had to pay $2400 for his bail. She called and text him again. He almost got arrested again but he had proof she was abusing the system. So, in the midst of all of that...he didn't want to get me involved by calling or texting and have her get my info and harass me.

Part of me believes it. Part of me is like whatever. I'm D-O-N-E!
There's always a story. There's always some drama. I don't need it. Jaded's words kept ringing in my head, "Don't you ever get frustrated by how much it just doesn't work out?"

The answer is yes.

I'm falling back and I'm letting whomever court me. Fuck it.

Other than that, my social calendar is full. My work calendar has some slots booked. I'm trying to wade through my emotional turmoil to be productive.

I will check in with you guys soon.

Bisous!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile