Would you mind mind-fucking me?

I want some good conversation. I miss having those with the opposite
sex. I want to meet a man that stimualtes me from head to toe.
A man that can speak with me for hours on end and can make me feel like
its been minutes.
Feeling kind of lonely. And horny. Masturbated all day and am still
thinking about giving myself a nightcap again.
Even debated about calling ole Afroman over...but thought against that
idea.
Getting back to the post topic.
I hardly see the point in talking to anyone anymore. I feel like there's
nothing that comes out of people's mouths.

Epiphanies

I don't feel like anyone knows me.

I want to get to the point where I am free. Freedom of mind - of
spirit.

I want to be happy.

I want smiles to come from my soul.

Lust

I want to have some hot nasty raw ass fuckin sex.
The type of sex that makes ur toes curl, ur leg shake, your body sweat,
and your pussy throb and ache after.
I want my pussy licked and sucked on.
I want to get pounded.....
*sigh*

TypeA Personality???

i have found that i have a type- a personality.
i.e. "In some psychological theories, the Type A personality, also known as the Type A Behavior Pattern, is a set of characteristics that includes being impatient, excessively time-conscious, insecure about one's status, highly competitive, hostile and aggressive, and incapable of relaxation.[1] Type A individuals are often highly achieving workaholics who multi-task, drive themselves with deadlines, and are unhappy about the smallest of delays. Although they may exhibit some or all of these characteristics, it does not mean that people with the type A personality are incapable of showing love, affection or other types non-pessimistic behavior. Many are also capable of "couching" some of these behavior attributes with proper treatment and medication. Those who do not seek treatment have been described as stress junkies, and often display some of the following characteristics:

An intrinsic insecurity or insufficient level of self-esteem, which is considered to be the root cause of the syndrome. This is believed to be covert and therefore less observable.
Time urgency and impatience, which causes irritation and exasperation.
Free floating hostility, which can be triggered even over little incidents.[2]
The Type B personality, in contrast, is patient, relaxed, and easy-going. There is also a Type AB mixed profile for people who cannot be clearly categorized and have a combination of both types of personality."

omg! looking at myself wasn't pretty and now i'm all depressed and shit. snapping at people or maybe it's because i haven't gotten sex in a while. yes, there was yesterday and it did give me what i wanted..
oo lets recap yesterday to take away the pain....
hot gooey wet sexxy time. manhandling and yumm yummy

i need sex. instead of sexxy time.

SexxxyTime

We got it on and poppin
(Kinda)
Right after I wrote the benefit of the doubt post,
I was staring Mr.Phil in the eyes. Daring him to do something.
I was bold. I was fearless.
I was horny.
I was scared.
Somehow, we stood up and he kissed me!
Ooooo weeeeeeeeee those lips!
Big, juicy, soft! Yummy..
Those arms...sexy, strong, yummy! Lol
...
We were sneaking kissses n all day.
But it was harder because there was people around and we're at WORK FOR
FUCK'S SAKE [lol]
Anywho..
He already propositioned me to go into the bathroom and fucking him....I
politely declined.

<WE'RE AT WORK FOR FUCK'S SAKE(WAWFFS!)>

One girl comes in...we send her out for Starbucks.

He grabbed my ass, my tits (tits are breasts when they're being
respectable..this was not a respectable situation)...bit my neck.
He says he loves my lips.

People come in. Surely, we can't send them all to Starbucks.

We send flirtatious messages to each other.

<Work ends.>

We walk down in the staircase.
We walk up the staircase, fearful that someone was coming.

Then......sluttiness ensues....if u have a problem...with that...this is
not for u.....
Abort! Abort!
Ok...with that said.

We kissed. He ripped open my dress...it has buttons going down the
front. And pulled out my tit and was sucking on it like a baby trying to
get milk.
He grabbed at my thighs. He cupped my ass....he was trying to stick his
fingers n my cunt.
(Yes cunt is a dirty word and I loves it!)
Anywho...
I pushed him away....I scratched his back....I kiissed and licked and
nibbled and bit
He kept trying to push my head down..
Me (thinking): "I'm not sucking ur dick"
Mr.Phil pushes my hand down to his crotch...
Me(thinking): "I can do a handjob"
Kiss some more. He pulls hair and scratches me and almost chokes me...
He slips his finger in...ooooo...I'm wetttttt
It sloshes around (lol) and he's entering me.
Feels good.
Yummmmm
My leg is shaking.
Oooo my leg is shaking.

He aggressively asks me to suck his dick.

"Yo..I wanna feels ur lips on my dick."
Mmmmm....he knows what he wants..and is not afraid to ask for it. Sexy
sexy man!

I oblige...he says I'm good.
Me (thinking) Ge Me! Go me!
I hear him say "yea that's right swallow that shit"
Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp
What?!
No!
I don't swallow. Nooo sirrreee
Sure enough it was coming.
I spit it out.
Thinking about his last HIV test.
Thinking about mine.

Me (shouting) ur supposed to warn people.
Him: sorry...he kisses me

Then...he walks me almost all the way home..which includes train and bus
ride.

He won't stop talking....

Oh, didn't I mention? I just want u for sex?
Hmmmmmmm

To be continued....

benefit of the doubt

it's a special thing. to give someone the benefit of doubt. meaning, you really are hoping for the best even though your heart knows its the worst.

mr. phil.
maybe this is more than i can handle.
maybe this is a challenge for me.
i don't know my take on it.

but, for now..he gets the benefit of the doubt from me.
i'm witholding judgement.
i'm holding my peace.

looking at my cards, while the chips are stacked. seeing if he's bluffing.

then i'll take a deep breath and lay my cards on the table.

so, he gets the benefit of the doubt

for now...

dumbassery

So....................
Mr. Phil wants to find a decent girl. And..he's made his quest known. Very known. Yet and still, I'm sitting right across from him like CHOOSE ME! CHOOSE ME! I'M RIGHT FUCKIN HERE!

He's still trolling Black Planet, and myspace - all sorts of things.

FRUSTRATION!