so, Autumn is here. and that means this is the time where every JOB basically...is hiring to gear up for the holiday season.
i have gone from scraping for hours to having 4 job offers.
1. continue to freelance and be guaranteed 30 hours a week until January.
(we all knows what happens in January. I get dropped like a bad habit.)
2. go back to my old old job before MAC. the people are petty and childish but I could make decent money.
3. possibly work for Kiehls. I'm starting the interview process which I'm 2 interviews away from...
4. possibly work for Nars. I have to go through the extensive interview processs
Part of me hates going back but I may end up back at Macys because...I'm guaranteed 40 hour a week and I'm also guaranteed to start within a week or so. I need the structure. I need the benefits. My plan is to save up all I can to move to Miami 6 months after I start working.
I've been struggling and hustling and I hate it.
However, Nars is the golden apple because it has COLOR!! And respects artistry. But, my time in NYC has to come to an end and soon. I hate it here. So...I have to keep telling myself this.
I just hope that with all these doors FINALLY opening for me that I'm not making a mistake. I guess time will tell. dun dun dun!
Showing posts with label mua chronicles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mua chronicles. Show all posts
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Arrrghhhh
I just burst into tears listening to some random classical music because it was beautiful and I want something huge and beautiful to happen to me.
I've had such a rough week.
Starting last Saturday, I came down with a cold. I kicked the cold on Tuesday. On Monday, I decided I wasn't vegan anymore. I had some macaroni and cheese on Wednesday. It is Saturday and my stomach just stopped hurting. It felt like I had food poisoning. I started my period yesterday. So I basically went from one level of hell to the next.
I work really hard. I don't know how else to work.
But, I feel like I'm not getting anywhere fast. I still am not making enough money to mean bill collectors no longer call me. I'm so frustrated. I don't really know what to do.
I'm just tired and stressed and sick of being tired and stressed and frustrated all the time.
I've had such a rough week.
Starting last Saturday, I came down with a cold. I kicked the cold on Tuesday. On Monday, I decided I wasn't vegan anymore. I had some macaroni and cheese on Wednesday. It is Saturday and my stomach just stopped hurting. It felt like I had food poisoning. I started my period yesterday. So I basically went from one level of hell to the next.
I work really hard. I don't know how else to work.
But, I feel like I'm not getting anywhere fast. I still am not making enough money to mean bill collectors no longer call me. I'm so frustrated. I don't really know what to do.
I'm just tired and stressed and sick of being tired and stressed and frustrated all the time.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Updates
(Written 4/26)
Damn...every time I have a long absence, I feel like" its imperative to say how sorry I am and vow to not for it again. I'm like an abusive boyfriend or something.
What has happened since the last time I wrote in this space....hmmmm
ATL told me he doesn't want a long-distance relationship and then back-pedaled away from me so quickly, it made my head spin. He was gone for a weekend before I was like...oh hell nawl. We've been speaking but it is definitely not the same.
I had given up on PoF when this really cute guy emailed me. His username was his full name...means he has nothing to hide. His message wasn't overly superfluous with how beautiful I am or what he would do to try to get to know me. It was simple.
Except, I got the message about 3 weeks after he'd sent it. ATL said it was all about timing. He was right because 3 weeks ago, I was into someone else and probably wouldn't have paid the note any attention.
Anyway, he is sweet, smart, funny and he's.....naive in a way. He's 25. He'll be 26 in June. And...I like him.
He rocks out to classical music. Who does that? I'm going to call him CB for Church Boy. He literally stays in church 4 days out of the week. His dad is the pastor of his church. His life is the life I ran away from. (Pseudo-introducing ER before our first date)
I went on a date with this guy I met while facilitating the Octavia Butler workshop. I'm going to call him White J. If you've seen the awkward black girl series on YouTube, you know to what I'm referring. If not, go and watch. Hella funny!
Anyway, White J is cool. He just doesn't do it for me. I tell BFF about the date and of course she goes ape over it and is like...give him a chance. Maybe you'll grow to be attracted to him. You don't GROW into attraction. Either it is there or it is not.
I went over to DK's house and we had the best passionate hot sweaty sex. He said I surprised him and he definitely surprised me in the bedroom. He's so cold in the street. He never really wants to hold my hand or kiss me in public. At home, he's all over me and sometimes, it just catches me off guard.
When I saw him though, I was angry about work. I realize....I don't like my job. He was the first person I could take it out on....and I did and it was sexy. We play fought until I had worked all my aggression out.
The next morning, I left his house exhausted (hehe) but pensive. What we do....is what we do and nothing is really going to change. It kind of makes me sad because of course I believe I'm worthy of more but so is he but he would rather give me an inch of space in his life. So, what is one to do?
Right after we had sex....as in the next day, I got my period which means we had sex while I was ovulating. Which means if the contraception has failed.....I'd be preggo right now. Scary stuff.
I wouldn't mind getting knocked up by DK because I know he would kill himself to provide but I'd be so alone. I guess these are just some thoughts.
I feel so unattractive right now. Maybe its my period. Maybe its something else. I'm pretty sure its my period.
I'm sitting next to this interracial couple. Dude is African. Probably from Senegal. Chick is French. He says..."No. Its my way or no way."...in the middle of this argument they're having. I thought ...Yup. that's why he's with this white woman. The Nigerian tried that shit with me one day. I fought back and he pretty much said..."If I were with a European woman she would accept it." I said..well go get her.
Smdh
I've decided I want to open up a spa. There are some major steps I need to take first. I'm going to get my waxing license. It costs about $500. After I get my license, I'm going to look into getting into a high-end salon/spa to get some experience/build clientele. I also want to look into getting a table/space to do waxing on my own in my Hood. Then, I want to look into being a masseuse. I also am looking into getting into an 18-month BBA program to have a real foundation on how to run a business properly.
On the financial side, I'm working on my credit to be able to get a loan/funding for my spa.
I'm guessing optimically....in 5 yrs...I can do it but I'm preparing for 10 for it to be where I want it to be.
I'm excited and a little overwhelmed. It is time for me to put in some major work....and it wont be very fun.
And honestly, the notion that I could really do it freaks me OUT. but....I believe this is what Im supposed to be doing. So...there we go.
YOLO!
Damn...every time I have a long absence, I feel like" its imperative to say how sorry I am and vow to not for it again. I'm like an abusive boyfriend or something.
What has happened since the last time I wrote in this space....hmmmm
ATL told me he doesn't want a long-distance relationship and then back-pedaled away from me so quickly, it made my head spin. He was gone for a weekend before I was like...oh hell nawl. We've been speaking but it is definitely not the same.
I had given up on PoF when this really cute guy emailed me. His username was his full name...means he has nothing to hide. His message wasn't overly superfluous with how beautiful I am or what he would do to try to get to know me. It was simple.
Except, I got the message about 3 weeks after he'd sent it. ATL said it was all about timing. He was right because 3 weeks ago, I was into someone else and probably wouldn't have paid the note any attention.
Anyway, he is sweet, smart, funny and he's.....naive in a way. He's 25. He'll be 26 in June. And...I like him.
He rocks out to classical music. Who does that? I'm going to call him CB for Church Boy. He literally stays in church 4 days out of the week. His dad is the pastor of his church. His life is the life I ran away from. (Pseudo-introducing ER before our first date)
I went on a date with this guy I met while facilitating the Octavia Butler workshop. I'm going to call him White J. If you've seen the awkward black girl series on YouTube, you know to what I'm referring. If not, go and watch. Hella funny!
Anyway, White J is cool. He just doesn't do it for me. I tell BFF about the date and of course she goes ape over it and is like...give him a chance. Maybe you'll grow to be attracted to him. You don't GROW into attraction. Either it is there or it is not.
I went over to DK's house and we had the best passionate hot sweaty sex. He said I surprised him and he definitely surprised me in the bedroom. He's so cold in the street. He never really wants to hold my hand or kiss me in public. At home, he's all over me and sometimes, it just catches me off guard.
When I saw him though, I was angry about work. I realize....I don't like my job. He was the first person I could take it out on....and I did and it was sexy. We play fought until I had worked all my aggression out.
The next morning, I left his house exhausted (hehe) but pensive. What we do....is what we do and nothing is really going to change. It kind of makes me sad because of course I believe I'm worthy of more but so is he but he would rather give me an inch of space in his life. So, what is one to do?
Right after we had sex....as in the next day, I got my period which means we had sex while I was ovulating. Which means if the contraception has failed.....I'd be preggo right now. Scary stuff.
I wouldn't mind getting knocked up by DK because I know he would kill himself to provide but I'd be so alone. I guess these are just some thoughts.
I feel so unattractive right now. Maybe its my period. Maybe its something else. I'm pretty sure its my period.
I'm sitting next to this interracial couple. Dude is African. Probably from Senegal. Chick is French. He says..."No. Its my way or no way."...in the middle of this argument they're having. I thought ...Yup. that's why he's with this white woman. The Nigerian tried that shit with me one day. I fought back and he pretty much said..."If I were with a European woman she would accept it." I said..well go get her.
Smdh
I've decided I want to open up a spa. There are some major steps I need to take first. I'm going to get my waxing license. It costs about $500. After I get my license, I'm going to look into getting into a high-end salon/spa to get some experience/build clientele. I also want to look into getting a table/space to do waxing on my own in my Hood. Then, I want to look into being a masseuse. I also am looking into getting into an 18-month BBA program to have a real foundation on how to run a business properly.
On the financial side, I'm working on my credit to be able to get a loan/funding for my spa.
I'm guessing optimically....in 5 yrs...I can do it but I'm preparing for 10 for it to be where I want it to be.
I'm excited and a little overwhelmed. It is time for me to put in some major work....and it wont be very fun.
And honestly, the notion that I could really do it freaks me OUT. but....I believe this is what Im supposed to be doing. So...there we go.
YOLO!
Monday, May 16, 2011
verklempt.
I was so excited about going to The Makeup Show today that last night, I really couldn't sleep. It was excitement plus all day yesterday, my pastor was teaching about finances. The sermon was about how to manage your money and there was a third service (we have a 9am and 11am service) at 6pm about how to get out of debt.
sidenote: my pastor is awesome! he challenged people to cut up their charge cards.(store charge cards are evil.) and also any credit cards that they've maxed out/owe a high balance on. 4 people came up and cut up their cards...do you know he paid 1/2 to all of their balances. 2 people had $300 balances, which he paid all of it. 1 person had $975, he paid $500 of it, another person had $5,000 and he paid $1000 of it. that is A-mazing! he said God told him to do it to be a testimony of his power and that they could be free if they will it to be so.
he gave us some practical tools to use and some great advice and i really need to do some thangs...
but part of what was running through my mind was my conversation with trish on friday night.
she asked about my ticket to texas, my driving lessons, etc. i haven't paid for anything. sunday night, i checked on how much i would spend on 1 class...close to $1000...to go per semester is $3000 but i can't just be a f/t student because i owe my previous school $2819... *sigh* i just felt so stuck. i'm not traveling. i'm not driving. i'm not going to school. and its all because of money.
i went for a job interview on friday...very last minute - they called me at 8am for an interview at 11am. i would start on mondayand the guy was so weird...but he was offering $18 per hour which is nothing to scoff at right now. needless to say, i didn't get the job. and of course, i was thinking...i could do what they wanted me to do (data entry) in my sleep while using my tongue to type. why didn't they pick me?
i was feeling so...just...stuck. i was looking for another word but that's the only one that fits. i'm searching like mad for a job. i have all these strategies and things i want to do and i'm believing in God and its not happening (fast enough.)
and my mom is still mad at me because i didn't spend any money on her for mother's day.
so, i woke up late this morning. i woke up at 10 instead of 8. i realized my phone wouldn't charge. i tried to turn it off, i tried different outlets. nothing. then, i wanted to look hot for the makeup show. every look i tried looked stupid. finally, i settled on a light gold shadow with leopard spots that were black and on the inside gold and teal with teal liner on my lower lash line, honey cheeks and nude lips. great. my spots were off. i wiped the whole thing off and did it again.
there was just this feeling of disapppointment and (not hopelessness) but just...like...ok ANOTHER thing. so, i get out of the house at 12 (instead of 10 as i'd planned)...i get off at the wrong stop on the train thinking the tmobile store was on 14th street when it was actually on 23rd st. the makeup show was on 18th st. i walked from 14th to 23rd only to be told that the problem is not my charger but my phone. its in warranty (since its only a month old) and they ordered a new one. BUT they didn't have any loaner phones to give me.
fine.
i walk back to 18th street.
and i was so overwhelmed. there were people everywhere. every booth was swamped. there were drag queens on stilts, women in body pant, men with nothing on...their bodies just had leopard and zebra print glitter decals on them. seminars were taking place, panel discussions....people at booths trying to get your attention.
and i didn't really have a lot to spend. i wanted to get some brushes, nars illuminator, occ lip tars and maybe a new foundation and a new blush... all on a $60 budget.
brushes that are usually $40 were $10. blushes that are usually $20 were $5. it was insane. i kept crusing by the booths i wanted to buy stuff at but it was just too much and i needed some semblance of sanity to be able to make a good decision (since i don't have money to burn on something i can't take anything back)....i ended up buyin these bamboo handle green brushes. i got 8 brushes for $43. i went by that booth like 3 times before i bought it...
i was feeling so out of place...so not worthy..so just broken in spirit that i wanted to leave.
as i'm walking down the stairs...no one other than sam fine, celebrity makeup artist walks by me. he's such an inspiration to me. do you know...i didn't speak. i actually started to tear up. like a little girl...i started to cry and so i turned my head and let him walk on by. let me tell ya'll...I DO NOT CRY.
i was just so emotional...i didn't get a lot of sleep. i was by myself in this huge place with all these people arond me but feeling all alone (like always). i was kind of broke (like always). my phone was dead and i had no way of even connecting to anyone i knew in any way. i was worried about money and how i was going to buy a loaner phone and buy food and pay for my transportation. and how all i want to do is go to school and drive but those things seem so out of reach. and i'm drowning in grief and am lost. just...so much.
i decided, hell...i paid $45 to get in this joint..let me attend a couple of seminars...which i did and they were inspirational and kind of set me straight on what it really means to be in this industry.
and *drumroll please*
i really am not sure if i want to be a makeup artist anymore.
i have the skill but do i have the passion? what messed me up was thinking i would have a career automatically and trying to live off of it from the beginning. all the celebrity artists were doing free jobs for about 2 -3 years before they could assist other artists and they were assisting for 5-6 years (assistants don't get paid well or regularly. one of the agents said an assistant may not get paid until 6 months after a job was completed.) soooo..it was so silly of me to jump in feet first.
i was so wrong and thinking i was going to make my living off of this has totally polluted it for me. of course, i have a lot to think about...but makeup artistry needs to go on the back burner for me. (it already is) but even more so.
so, i left and went to dance rehearsal for church. 2 hours of a new dance that is african-inspired. my knees and back are killing me from walking all day and then dancing at night. i'm really hoping i get a good night's rest.
just pray for me ya'll.
sidenote: my pastor is awesome! he challenged people to cut up their charge cards.(store charge cards are evil.) and also any credit cards that they've maxed out/owe a high balance on. 4 people came up and cut up their cards...do you know he paid 1/2 to all of their balances. 2 people had $300 balances, which he paid all of it. 1 person had $975, he paid $500 of it, another person had $5,000 and he paid $1000 of it. that is A-mazing! he said God told him to do it to be a testimony of his power and that they could be free if they will it to be so.
he gave us some practical tools to use and some great advice and i really need to do some thangs...
but part of what was running through my mind was my conversation with trish on friday night.
she asked about my ticket to texas, my driving lessons, etc. i haven't paid for anything. sunday night, i checked on how much i would spend on 1 class...close to $1000...to go per semester is $3000 but i can't just be a f/t student because i owe my previous school $2819... *sigh* i just felt so stuck. i'm not traveling. i'm not driving. i'm not going to school. and its all because of money.
i went for a job interview on friday...very last minute - they called me at 8am for an interview at 11am. i would start on mondayand the guy was so weird...but he was offering $18 per hour which is nothing to scoff at right now. needless to say, i didn't get the job. and of course, i was thinking...i could do what they wanted me to do (data entry) in my sleep while using my tongue to type. why didn't they pick me?
i was feeling so...just...stuck. i was looking for another word but that's the only one that fits. i'm searching like mad for a job. i have all these strategies and things i want to do and i'm believing in God and its not happening (fast enough.)
and my mom is still mad at me because i didn't spend any money on her for mother's day.
so, i woke up late this morning. i woke up at 10 instead of 8. i realized my phone wouldn't charge. i tried to turn it off, i tried different outlets. nothing. then, i wanted to look hot for the makeup show. every look i tried looked stupid. finally, i settled on a light gold shadow with leopard spots that were black and on the inside gold and teal with teal liner on my lower lash line, honey cheeks and nude lips. great. my spots were off. i wiped the whole thing off and did it again.
there was just this feeling of disapppointment and (not hopelessness) but just...like...ok ANOTHER thing. so, i get out of the house at 12 (instead of 10 as i'd planned)...i get off at the wrong stop on the train thinking the tmobile store was on 14th street when it was actually on 23rd st. the makeup show was on 18th st. i walked from 14th to 23rd only to be told that the problem is not my charger but my phone. its in warranty (since its only a month old) and they ordered a new one. BUT they didn't have any loaner phones to give me.
fine.
i walk back to 18th street.
and i was so overwhelmed. there were people everywhere. every booth was swamped. there were drag queens on stilts, women in body pant, men with nothing on...their bodies just had leopard and zebra print glitter decals on them. seminars were taking place, panel discussions....people at booths trying to get your attention.
and i didn't really have a lot to spend. i wanted to get some brushes, nars illuminator, occ lip tars and maybe a new foundation and a new blush... all on a $60 budget.
brushes that are usually $40 were $10. blushes that are usually $20 were $5. it was insane. i kept crusing by the booths i wanted to buy stuff at but it was just too much and i needed some semblance of sanity to be able to make a good decision (since i don't have money to burn on something i can't take anything back)....i ended up buyin these bamboo handle green brushes. i got 8 brushes for $43. i went by that booth like 3 times before i bought it...
i was feeling so out of place...so not worthy..so just broken in spirit that i wanted to leave.
as i'm walking down the stairs...no one other than sam fine, celebrity makeup artist walks by me. he's such an inspiration to me. do you know...i didn't speak. i actually started to tear up. like a little girl...i started to cry and so i turned my head and let him walk on by. let me tell ya'll...I DO NOT CRY.
i was just so emotional...i didn't get a lot of sleep. i was by myself in this huge place with all these people arond me but feeling all alone (like always). i was kind of broke (like always). my phone was dead and i had no way of even connecting to anyone i knew in any way. i was worried about money and how i was going to buy a loaner phone and buy food and pay for my transportation. and how all i want to do is go to school and drive but those things seem so out of reach. and i'm drowning in grief and am lost. just...so much.
i decided, hell...i paid $45 to get in this joint..let me attend a couple of seminars...which i did and they were inspirational and kind of set me straight on what it really means to be in this industry.
and *drumroll please*
i really am not sure if i want to be a makeup artist anymore.
i have the skill but do i have the passion? what messed me up was thinking i would have a career automatically and trying to live off of it from the beginning. all the celebrity artists were doing free jobs for about 2 -3 years before they could assist other artists and they were assisting for 5-6 years (assistants don't get paid well or regularly. one of the agents said an assistant may not get paid until 6 months after a job was completed.) soooo..it was so silly of me to jump in feet first.
i was so wrong and thinking i was going to make my living off of this has totally polluted it for me. of course, i have a lot to think about...but makeup artistry needs to go on the back burner for me. (it already is) but even more so.
so, i left and went to dance rehearsal for church. 2 hours of a new dance that is african-inspired. my knees and back are killing me from walking all day and then dancing at night. i'm really hoping i get a good night's rest.
just pray for me ya'll.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Unsolicited Advice
I did a movie today...or rather a short film about a girl who wants to be a dancer but her mother thinks she should get a real job. (Hmmmm) She ends up doing what she wants anyway...and it works out.
The AD (Assistant Director) was pretty dope. The star of the film was too. They're both 30 and both look like they're 21. Anyways, I was asking them about their most prized life lesson...AD said...(paraphrasing) She wished she didn't compromise so much. She was afraid to say no and so she gave in on a lot of things and ended up being upset but with herself. She says now, "she's too old for peer pressure," and she shuts things down quickly. If the answer is no the 1st time, the 20th time its still no and she doesn't discuss it if she knows its a no. I LOVE her no-nonsense attitude and I need some of that in my life.
Hoping to get my wisdom tooth pulled tomorrow...its late and I need to push myself to get up. it was excruciatingly painful on Friday to the point I couldn't go anywhere. I just came home and stayed in bed. I need to get my act together. I've been having trouble getting out of bed, getting motivated.
AD also said...I love everyone. I look out for everyone but at the end of the day...I look out for #1. People forget they're number 1 sometimes....
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
The AD (Assistant Director) was pretty dope. The star of the film was too. They're both 30 and both look like they're 21. Anyways, I was asking them about their most prized life lesson...AD said...(paraphrasing) She wished she didn't compromise so much. She was afraid to say no and so she gave in on a lot of things and ended up being upset but with herself. She says now, "she's too old for peer pressure," and she shuts things down quickly. If the answer is no the 1st time, the 20th time its still no and she doesn't discuss it if she knows its a no. I LOVE her no-nonsense attitude and I need some of that in my life.
Hoping to get my wisdom tooth pulled tomorrow...its late and I need to push myself to get up. it was excruciatingly painful on Friday to the point I couldn't go anywhere. I just came home and stayed in bed. I need to get my act together. I've been having trouble getting out of bed, getting motivated.
AD also said...I love everyone. I look out for everyone but at the end of the day...I look out for #1. People forget they're number 1 sometimes....
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
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