the juggler

i feel like i have so many plates spinning at one time. i'm tired. my body hurts. i have a laundry list of things to do and my boss told me she doesn't feel like i'm engaged...like i don't care about the job.

i don't. this makeup line isn't for me and i feel the pressure to sell it is ridiculous because i'm not passionate about it. it's also not very popular so i find myself trying to convince people to buy it. the hours are crazy. i work 6 days straight to have 1 day off and then another couple days stretch to have 1 day off. the body doesn't get to recuperate. it sucks so bad.

 i just want to make money to pay for what it is i really want to do with my life.

i haven't really been liking my job for a while now but with everything i have going on, i don't know if i have the energy to look for another one. on the other hand, i feel like i need a regular 9-5 where i sit on my butt all day and don't think about anything.

i get up after 4-5 hours of sleep, go to work, stand on my feet all day and beg women to buy makeup then i come home and work on book stuff til the wee hours of the morning....rinse and repeat.

i really don't know where i'm going to pull the time and energy from to find something else.

in good news,

i bought my plane ticket. i'm going to london january 31 - feb 10. from there, i will go to paris and italy. i might try and see ireland too. maybe.

my book is done. it is in the editing process. it should reach the publisher by sept. 15
it is really hard because i want it to be a bestseller. writing the book was easy. getting people interested in it enough to pub it for me has been difficult.

so, the book process, planning my european trip, having a full-time job, dealing with the aftermath of my grandma's estate, friends, family....it's a lot.

i'm not sure how to handle it all.

How Would I Know?

He messaged me on POF a few weeks ago and in the middle of my whole ooh la la with ATL, I replied. His name is ER.He lives in Queens and is a pastor's kid. He plays drums for his church and he is there almost more than half of the week.

I have no clue when I started feeling like this and it is crazy.
But....after our first conversation, I said to myself - "This is the man I'm going to marry."

I keep telling myself to stop thinking it because it is INSANE. Neither of us are in a position to marry the other. He doesn't want a serious relationship but...there it is. I said it and if a few months from now, it doesn't work out....that's fine.

I wonder why I keep thinking it though.
 The only other person I thought that about was Afroman. I thought it because I sunk years into the relationship. I thought it was right but somehow...deep inside, I know.

This is INSANE or is it Faith?

Anway, we had our first date today. We met at a coffee shop in my hood. I biked there. He clowned me for being on a bike. I sipped an iced chai latte which he called a liquid muffin. It was so delish. We walked around the neighborhood and talked about a whole bunch of stuff.

We started talking about vices. He said that sex was one of his and he keeps falling off the wagon. (I had sex with DK on Thursday - a whole 'nother story) and somehow he got on the conversation about his wife and future kids.

I told him....I'm going to be your wife. He didn't bat an eye. He just said, "Ok." He began talking about names for his future children. Because his name begins with an E, we talked about Ethan, Eve, Ephraim, etc. We both concur that we hate Esther, Estelle and Eric as names. I really like Eve Michelle or Eva  pronounced Ava.

I said, "Since I've appointed myself as your future wife, I will agree that the kids should have E names just because the only cool names that start with the first letter of my name suck...of course, besides my name...and they can't all be named Nina.

I LIKE this guy. I guess that goes without saying.
He's a big guy. He's 6"2 and over 250 lbs. He's funny. He's really big but he's a big softie and I love it. He's super easy-going but I know that I can't walk over him. I dig that.
Anyways...we'll see where this goes. This could be really big or this could blow up in my face.

I want him.

And if  I feel as though he will be my husband, why am I still flirting, sexing and going on dates wit other dudes? Am I playing myself? *kanye shrug*

Either way, I feel like this:

RnR

I have the weekend off! Yay!

I get one full weekend off per month with the new job and this was it.

I'm excited. I hope that its the 1st weekend of every month just so that I can have my bday weekend...(errr...next month) off. I'm new so, I can't really call out or go around requesting stuff so...I'm just going to say a little prayer.

I took advantage of the weekend by doing grocery shopping (care of BFF.) My Christmas gift was 3 bags of groceries which I said hell yes to...I didn't go IN. I just got some fruit, juice, milk, stuff to make spaghetti with and some donuts. After I got home, there was all this stuff I WISHED I'd thought of although I had a list...

Anywhosies...free groceries really are saving me this week since my paycheck was kind of short and the next paycheck will be as well...changing jobs sucks....you never really have great overlap.

I have some big plans for this year and I'm trying to put them all into motion. I think slowly but surely, I am. These things are attainable.

I think I need to see a doctor or change my eating habits or something. The whole week I felt super-lethargic. I would look at my living room (which I am pulling up the carpet and putting down vinyl tile and just go into my bedroom (where the floor is literally covered in clothes) and just go to sleep. I would put in maybe 30 minutes of work and then lay down.
That is the main reason I didn't want to run around this weekend...I really just wanted some rest.

This week, I plan to get back "on" it and really get moving on my home projects. The next big event is my birthday. I am kind of dragging my feet making plans.

Firstly, I hate group dinners in my honor. I really would like a date. But....a month left and there's no one there that I would want to take me out....*sigh*

A few months ago, Twin asked what I wanted to do on my day....I said, Enjoy a spa day alone. Have my hair fly and go on a date with someone hot (and maybe a little bday acttion)

I'm not sure what I want to do and I definitely don't want to spend the evening alone but I don't want a big crowd.

Can someone hook me up with a date? I like black, attractive, smart, funny, sane and taller than 5"7. Please and thank you.

Prayer Changes Thangs

Hey Boos!!
Thank you for your prayers...I didn't realize you guys left comments because for some reason, my comments weren't going to my email.

Anyways....


They worked!!!!

I got the job!! I will be making $4 more per hour + 3% commission on everything I sell.

So.....I made $202,202 at the current job in 5 months. That translated to $303 each week extra I could've been paid.

I'm excited and a little scared. Commission sales are hard. The chicks at my job went IN and we weren't getting paid on comm. I'm pretty sure I can do the job and do it well but I will go from training folks to being trained. To knowing every aspect of the job to not knowing anything at all.

All these what-ifs are clouding my head...what if I get fired for not making sales? What if no one likes me? What if? What if? What if?

I've been relying on prayer to get me through most days lately...prayer will definitely see me through. What-ifs paralyze us. I'm done with being stuck.

Now...how do I tell my boss I want to leave? And before Secret Santa happens? And my gratis (free stuff) is almost within my reach as well....AND I love my Account Exec from Clinique. How do I tell her I'm leaving but want to maintain my relationship with her. So many questions.....*le sigh*

I'm sure it will all get sorted out somehow.

budget living

the past two weeks, i have given myself a pretty strict budget.
my bills are out of control. i don't really know what i'm spending money on...i'm a mess.
this week, i'm a bit more structured. all of my money is in envelopes marked what it is for. no dipping in other envelopes and i see clearly where my money is...

i got the bright idea thursday night that for my birthday...feb 4th....i want to spend 2 nights in my fave hotel. my bday is on a saturday. friday, i would check in to wake up on BDAY to some champagne, roses and room service; spend the day at the hotel spa and have a fabulous dinner that night. i would check out on sunday.

my fave hotel is the gansevoort.
so, i did some research.

umm...they want $319 per night. O.o

so, i did some more research.
of course, i live in nyc. a nice hotel in a posh neighborhood where the room is bigger than a utility closet will AT MINIMUM cost me $174 per night. hotel spas are a rip off...i'm talking $400 for a damn 60-minute massage. for $400, i want tyson beckford to be my masseuse licking chocolate off my back. OK!

anywhosies...
i did sign up for spa week and i'm looking at some deals.
i'm also on hotels.com...
thank goodness time is on my side!

every year, my birthday has sucked! the best year was probably 2010..my launch party. when i told twin today my bday plans..he was like..ok...so, who is going to be with you? i said..no one. i want to wake up alone on my birthday, reflect on my year, relax at the spa by myself...the dinner will be planned in advance and whoever shows up, shows up. no reservations. no tracking people down. i'm done. if i end up eating alone, i'm good with that too. if i want my birthday to be great, its up to me! he was like...you going back to the hotel alone? i would rather not...but honestly, i have had no appetite for having sex with anyone. don't get me wrong..i love sex. having sex is fun. but there is no one i would want to have sex with right now. hopefully, i'll have a birthday boo but for now...i am good.

crazy coworker 1 aka shy got fired on thursday. so, i will be picking up extra hours...i will work every friday (if i can) until they replace her which will be at least a good month or two AND the holidays are here so that means overtime as well! according to my calculations, if i can save $60 every week, i will be able to afford a decent hotel with the roses/champagne/spa day and dinner. if i work it enough, maybe an outfit or some new shoes. if i do at least 6 extra hours a week, i can save up some extra $$ for some extra perks. my budget is TIGHT so i need to make some magic happen.

also, i have to think about what i'm getting some folks for christmas. literally 5 people are getting gifts: my mom, twin, my godbaby, my dance leader and whoever impresses me from now until then. each gift will be under $50 and unique. my godbaby will probably get some diapers and formula or a savings bond or something.

i hate my job but a girl's gotta make it do what it do.

also...this weekend, i'm re-doing my resume. there's an internet cafe across from my job. everyday, i plan on spending $2/10 minutes sending out resumes on my lunch break. (it is not an effing game!)

if you guys have the hook-up for some nice hotels in nyc, let a sista know! please and thank you.

Oh Houston!

(written last weekend, lol)

This weekend was the BIG weekend in H-town. It was seriously by the grace of God that I made it. Everything was going so wrong...man!

I woke up Wednesday morning and my phone was turned off for non-payment...simply because I forgot to pay the bill. I was trying to be on top of everything so my money would be right but BOOM! I cashed in on some funds Twin owed me and it was able to hold me down til that good old direct deposit hit Friday morning. But...sidenote: Whyy is food so damn expensive in the airport?

Anyway, my friend who gave me Louis was going to keep him for me...it was just a matter of getting Louis to her. It would've been an 75min trip for me when I needed to still pack and get it together Wednesday night AND be up by 5:30 am for work. So, I asked Nell (the girl living with my mom) to take Louis to my friend XP's house at 12 on Thursday. I take him to her before work and she tells me she's going to try and take Louis to XP's house at 6am! WHO THE HELL switches plans last minute like that? She had the nerve to get mad that no one was answering their phone. That girl crayyy.

I took the train to JFK which only took about an hour and left me plenty of time to relax before boarding.

I texted the appropriate people before boarding ...y'know..the "in case I die a fiery death...here's the flight number so you know it was me" text. One of those people happened to be Aussie.

Me: Hey, I'm at the airport.
A: Oh yea...you have your trip
Me: Yep

*crickets*

Well, pardon me for expecting a "Have a safe flight" or something like that.

I can truly say...that was the moment I wrote him off in my head. Call me mean or whatever...that's the least he could've said.

Flight was great. I was worried about the 2 girls which were talking the WHOLE time but the XM radio handled that. Got my extremely heavy bag and hopped into Trish's vehicle.

Trish!

You know how you meet people that you k ow from the internet and they are nothing like their online persona. They seem cool online but really they're a douche and not funny and you wonder WHO THE HELL were you corresponding with the whole time...

Well, Trish is not like that. She is cute, funny, smart, genuine, kind and cool as hell. Add super in front of all those adjectives please.

Anyways, Day One...I had BIG plans which were scrapped in lieu of sleep and Dougie'ing with Baby (Trish's dog) whose real name is not actually Baby...(who knew? LOL)

We later ate at ChaCho's which gave me a burrito the size of my head that I ate all of and was so damn good!!!

(to be continued)

music goes straight to the soul

"I know its possible/to finally be in love/and know the real meaning of/a lasting relationship/not based on ownership/i trust every part of you/cuz all that you say you do/you love me in spite myself/sometimes i/i fight myself/i just can't believe that you/would have anything to do/with someone so insecure/someone so immature"

These are some of the realest lyrics...I've ever heard. They speak to such a raw part of me.
I've been singing this song since I've heard it deep in my heart. I used to sing it for Afroman...it was a song of mourning a relationship that was so warped and so just...not what I wanted but settled for because really - who can resist a dark choocolate tortured emo soul? Now, its a song of hope. A flag of what I want....true love, trust, someone who makes me want to be better than who I am...someone who is more flyy than I am cuz I think I'm the flyyest thing out there (in relationships).



I'm excited about Jilly's new album.

*********************************************

Last week, I went on 2 interviews. One was for a cargo/shipping/freight company looking for someone to handle their international vendors. Perfect for me. It what I did at my last (non-makeup) job. The only thing was that it is was an hour and 45 minutes away from me. Not only was the commute enough to make me want to slit my wrists with a butter knife...the pay was $27k per year. For $13 per hour, I would bleed out. For more like $40k, I might be able to heal a little bit...ya dig? While its MONEY and I'm making little money..some money might seem like a salve but no...some money for a lot of stress, travel and aggravation would feel like no money.

Anyways...the lady liked me but knew that after a month, I'd quit because of the commute...she referred me to her brother in law who is looking for an assistant. He's transitioning into management at an insurance company and needs help recruiting people. So, since I have a nice phone voice and experience hiring and firing people (ka-blam) I got hired. for 20 hours a week. temporarily. to look through resumes, call people, schedule them for interviews and such. for $10 an hour. the job is downtown brooklyn. 30 minutes door to door and the guy is pretty cool. I start Wednesday.

I would kiss the Baby Jesus' chubby cheeks if I could. All I can say is Thank You...its something. It is a) extra dinero for things like driving lessons, vet visits - Rocky needs some shots and I need to pay off some debt and b) something taking up that ominious spot on my resume so it doesn't look like I've been sitting on my ass for a year and a half while unemployed.

If I stick to my budget and curb my spending..I realize that every time I leave my house, I have a compulsion to buy something - anything... (a sick compulsion, man) I will be able to use this as extra money to do the things I've been crying about not being able to do. #1- get my driving lessons and #2- get back in schoool (and buy shoes, travel and get rocky groomed and make sure he doesn't have rabies, ticks, fleas and such)

So, I'm excited.
AND, I'm supposed to see DK tonight for a movie...Fast Five (even though I haven't seen Fast 2, 3, and 4)...I want to see him and get a hug and *gasp* a kiss!

The Pursuit of ...

As we left the park, I almost wanted to hold his hand. I realized then the deep bitter taste that The Nigerian had left in my mouth. I also realized how I was to blame for it.

We met on a dating site that I'd been dormant on for a while. His note was short, sweet, funny and led me to his profile which stated he is studying Engineering. We passed notes and he kept on being sweet and funny.

"Where are you from?"

"Nigeria."

I groaned audibly as I poured over the words hoping I'd missed something.

…"But I grew up in Lagos."

The  Nigerian had poisoned me to his brethren. I sighed. I would give this one a shot. After all, Nigeria is a really big country. Not all men from there should be bad. So, I agreed to a coffee date. We met at Starbucks in Columbus Circle. We walked through Central Park and sat by the duck pond watching people row boats and he talked. I realize that I let most people just talk and talk. Of course, if I have something pertinent to say, I will but for the most part, I will just listen. I've also found that when you let people talk and talk, they'll really be themselves, thus allowing you to really gain an understanding for who they are. He made me laugh. He made me sad. He made me cringe with his stories from Nigeria and even in America. (Some) Americans are really ignorant when it comes to people who are not born here but I think with Africans, it is worse. He said some people were surprised that they had cars in Africa. Seriously? No, they get around in horse-drawn carriages. Africa has many beautiful cities. *sigh*

I found myself apologizing on behalf of stupid Americans, many of them black making dumb-ass statements.

He sparked something in me as well…my own American Dream. He works really hard and he said some things that had me thinking…I haven't worked hard in a few months just because I've been depressed which is really NO EXCUSE.

I kind of steered us out of the park and home after I realized we'd spent 2 ½ hours talking. I believe first dates should be short. He got on the downtown train with me only to go back uptown to Queens. Departing, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and a hug. He urged me to text him to make sure I got home okay.

And then as soon as he got off the train….*drumroll please*

I pulled chicken from my purse and ate it.

Okay, to be fair, I hadn't eaten all day. As I was on my way to meet up with him I stopped by the chicken shack to get a 2 piece and a roll to eat on the train. The MTA was being difficult and was over-crowded. I didn't want to be a double-statistic (being a big girl and black) and pull out a drumstick on a crowded train and eat it, so I ate the roll. Then, we met up and it's kind of umm…alarming to (be a big girl and) pull out a piece of chicken from your purse out of nowhere and eat it. So, at the end…I tore it up. The train was empty. It was magical.

Later, I called Twin and told him about my date.

"I was wrong..all wrong when I was trying to date The Nigerian. Firstly, I was celibate for 19 months. Clearly, I was out of my mind. In those 19 months, I not only grew my hymen back but I also grew back some of the naiveté that came along with being a virgin. Naïve to think that after he got what he wanted, he'd want more with me. Naïve to jump in with 2 feet. I belly-flopped into a situation I couldn't handle because I was lonely. All I did was see through the eyes of my loneliness and blinded myself to some major red flags…like how much he did NOT respect me or even fake like he did for one second. I gave him power he never had and I paid dearly for it. So, this guy…we can move like snails. If he has a problem, I'm okay with being alone. Being alone is better than compromising."

 

He was like…"You tell 'em Sista Souljah."

 

Everyone in my life is so disrespectful. Lol

Anywhosies…mom tried to ruin my day by giving me shit for not doing anything for her for Mother's Day. I kind of just shut down emotionally with her altogether because "I don't do right by her" but I'm the only kid that doesn't text message her on every freaking holiday. She can be mad. I'm  not faking it anymore.

I made some banging spaghetti with kielbasa, spinach, onions, celery, diced tomatoes and carrots and watched "The Pursuit of Ha.ppy.ness."  The new guy, let's call him DK called me to tell me he had a great time. I smiled. Today was a good day.

 

 

 

(didn't have to bust my AK)

Christmas in April

The thing about blogging is that it forces you to face things you do NOT want to think about.

Yesterday, I got up...got Rocky groomed. OMG! He looks like a brand new dog. His hair made him look a lot thicker than he actually is. He is so little and skinny. Its kind of freaking me out. I also feel bad because I used to play with him all rough, throwing him around and such (not far) and now I see how small he really is...I feel bad.

I also got a new phone!! YES! I am now #TeamAndroid. I love it! Its a touch screen with a keyboard. The best of both worlds! AND...I went in thinking I was going to pay about $120, I walked out paying $74. *does running man*

The Android is so different from the Blackberry, I'm really trying to figure out how to work this little thing...I'm so not used to a touch screen. All day yesterday, I was hanging up on people, muting the calls, answering calls on call waiting accidentally without telling the other person to hold...A MESS!!

So, it was a little bit like Christmas.

But, seriously, I was so sick to DEATH of BBM. Some people are cool but others...they are really intrusive with their messages at really any time of the day and then if you don't answer right away, they get pissed off...like, oh, I saw you read my message, why didn't you respond. It was ruining a bunch of friendships.


SO, I go down to get my cart from my mom and a photographer is setting up to take her picture. She's going to be ordained as a minister at the end of the month. The girl who is staying with her, Stef, is doing her makeup. SAY WORD?? I was upset. I'm your daughter. I'm a makeup artist, I thought she would at least ask me. Ok, whatever. Stef does makeup too. I've never seen her work but....ok.

Furthermore, she says..."Can you go spruce yourself up so we can take a picture together?"

I said, "No. I'm on my way to the grocery store."
Seriously, all I had in my fridge was leftover Chinese.


"You've been home all day and now you decide to go to the grocery store?"
Why would you assume where I've been all day?

"All you girls want to do is roam the streets."
So, going to the grocery store at 7pm is roaming the streets. Umm..okay.

As I was leaving, I heard her tell the girl..."Oh we're taking pictures together."

I am so upset because I felt like she could've told me beforehand that the guy was coming to take pictures if she wanted me in them. Who tells someone to go spruce themselves up at the last minute while the photographer is THERE. Part of me feels like if I didn't walk in, I would not have even been offered. AND..we spoke earlier in the day so its really no excuse.

And then you're going to take pictures with this stranger who is living with you for 2 months...professional pictures..really?

Oh, yea and the other day, she was like Stef is your sister. Oh you mean the girl I've known for 2 months...no the hell she's not!

by the light of the moon

written on Saturday night.
The moon is so amazing tonight. It makes me think of the phrase “by the light of the moon” and it all makes sense. Its beauty is astounding. I cuddled with Rocky as we sat on the concrete bench outside my house just gazing at it holding each other. I thought of you. Your arms around me as we sit watching. I thought of the perfect scenario of us, a blanket covering our shoulders with warm mugs of hot chocolate in our hands – happy and in love. I thought about being on my college campus in the middle of the grass knowing the moon would appear as if it hovered over my face. I thought of being in Paris or Spain or Berlin at some fancy café while watching with some handsome stranger. Most of all, I wanted to be with you. Whomever you may be.

No lie! Pics of the moon last night.

******************in other news*************

i got my learner's permit today!! yay!
AND as i wats taking the test, i thought i would be surrounded by geeky 16 year olds...NOPE. in fact, there was a very sexy man waiting to take the test after me. i gave him a good luck smile.

mmm hmmm... cuz i'm nice like that.

i plan on having my license no later than the end of may. i don't care who i have to threaten to take me driving.

yup.

oh, can i add that the test cost $77.50. GEEZ LOUISE!

Today is the Day!

I pick myself up and live again.
I've allowed myself 17 days of sickness, depression, fear and every destructive emotion there is. Today is when it ends. I can't wallow in whatever it is I'm wallowing in and destroy this life I built.

Today, I reclaim who I am.

Crazy Week

Summer is officially here which means work! Yay!

Let's see:
Full-Figured Fashion Week came and left...still have some articles due. Did the short film, I talked abt in the last post. Bought some curtains and changed my living room around...found a place that will pull out my tooth for $15 but I still kind of want to hold on to it. My niece graduated from Junior High and had a party. She's so pretty!

Today was Celebrate Brooklyn Dau so there were lots of stuff going on in my borough!

There was the Ft Greene Festival which brought out some gorgeous ladies with natural hair! The bands were ok. No one really made me go wow. The dudes didn't know what to do with themselves. From there, Wynsters and I met up with her bf at Prospect Park. Her boyfriend (Mexican Jew) wanted to see this Tex-Mex band which played country rock music. The opening band played country music. There were fiddles and banjos. While I'm there, Common was on the stage at the fest I left. Could've thrown him my panties. Damn. Best part...all of this was free. I paid $4 for lil refreshments and stuff.

We ended the night with Dominican food. I got 2 juicy delish porkchops and yellow rice for $10. I couldn't finish it. It was Heaven! We saw Wynsters' friend's kittens...they're 10-week old Tabbies. They are so adorable but they fucked me up. My nose was congested, my eyes, throat and face were itchy. I was sneezing a million times but they are so adorable! I was only around them for 10 mins total...crazy!

Tomorrow is the AfroPunk Festival with J*Davey, Mos Def, The Cool Kids and more! I paid $22 for my ticket and I'm really hoping its money well spent. By that, I mean, I rope a dude who is super-dope and y'know see these amazing artists and such. Lol.


Hope you guys are enjoying your weekend!
Hope Trish and Jaded are taking study breaks and that YW blogs... ;)

Besos!

I Got Boots!!!

The stepmother took pity on me (last week I asked to borrow her flat knee-length boots and she said no :-( and best believe I was salty as shit about that) and bought me some boots. This is from a woman who didn't even buy me birthday gifts ever since I was 13. She just gave me money and said enjoy. Buuuutttt, I get this cryptic message - "Knock on my door when you come home" and I call her this morning when I got up and she's like "Go in my room. There's something in there for you."

BOOOOTS!

I love boots. Because I've done track, soccer, and rugby, my calves are very muscular. It's hard for me to find boots that come above them. But these do!(I think it's because I still have the sick weight off) But, nevertheless, I have this gift and I'm very grateful.

See, it doesn't take much to make me happy....

Funkier than a mosquito's peeter

the title has nothing to do with the post, but it's my new fave nina simone song.

i'm so freakin excited, even if my punctuation doesn't show it. i didn't feel like typing like a regular person..to see if i could do a whole post without being neurotic about things like capital letters...

anywho! even though my sidekick is toast, i had wonderful day. twin and i hit the fabric district for some inspiration for my ball costume. i had to talk twin into getting this particular fabric. he wants me to do more color, but i can't help that its an ovah black material. he didn't see my vision until he made the complete dress. but, it's goooorgeous! i'm so in love with it. i wish i could wear it around the house with a lil apron on like suzy mofo sunshine. i'm trying to get the girls together for a production which seems to be the hardest thing. plus, i don't have patience. in my former house, i worked alone. if i wanted something, i went out and got it done myself. this new house works differently. its great, but i have to adjust to not being the rhinestone cowboy anymore and to having another sister that competes in the same category as me. sharing the limelight and making decisions together is sooo taxing. but...at the end of the day, i'm happy...i know my shit will be on point.

other than that, today started off really dismal and its ended with me being tired, happy, and looking forward to something interesting being on my dvr.

and with that mates, goodnight.

kisses!

Shout Out!

I told myself that I was going to shout out new (and not so new) blogs that hold my attention bi-weekly. I'm not sure if I'm on schedule. But, anywho, my boyfriend's back and he's better than ever!!!! (lol)

Meet... Frank Leon Roberts

He's a dreamboat and oh so sexy.

His blog is funny, smart, interesting, and very relevant to what's going on in the community. Check him out!

..and sorry ladies...he's interested in the same thing as we are. You know I tried! ;-)

This is gonna hurt in the morning....

After work, Gi, LP, and I went to Slate to meet up with Gi's gay for drinks and dirty talk. The night was going so well, we ended up walking down to Manatus in the village, getting a bite to eat, jumping into a cab waiting at a red light (really the only way to catch a cab n the city if you're brown), meandered our way to the new tailfeather....all the while in my best gold eyeshadow. I didn't get as tipsy as I would've liked....but I haven't been sleeping well lately, so its probably best I didn't go too far.

The music was kind of stupid til around 1:30. It had its highs and lows....but there were two male dancers that were so damn beautiful. We couldn't take our eyes off of them. Gorgeous..Yummy. It hurts me to my heart they're gay. Highlights
of the night included seeing lots of beautiful unattainable men, Gi's gay calling me a faggot - because I was so dramatic in my dancing to Jay-Z's "Hollywood", leaving before the club got too too crowded, and making it home at precisely 3 am. I have 2 hours to sleep before I have to be up again, which means I probably won't get any sleep.

Ahhhh to be young, dumb, and have to work on a Saturday.....

1,000 hits!

You like me! You really like me! OOOOOr you're really bored. Thank you dear readers. I have 1,000 hits today and I'm totally stoked.

So...besides Delusions of Grandeur and Jenny . Who are you? Who's reading? I'm soooo interested in who you are! I'll add you to my blogroll and be all in your life.

***kisses*****

Moments like these...

There are those moments when I am thankful. I am thankful for the
wonderful gay man at Target who let me exchange my items instead of
returning, then sending me to the purchase line.

I am thankful for XBGF for actually coming through with at much need 60
bucks.

I am thankful for those customers who decided NOT to call today.

I am grateful for seats on the bus.

I am thankful for Sun. For Water. For LipChap.

My hearts swells in gratitude for being given a strong mind, strong
will, and heart to tread these waters of life valliantly. To not faulter
when times are rough...because times are rough a lot lately.

I am grateful for never having visible sweat marks. For always being
"sure" when I forget my deodorant from time to time.

I am thankful that I can apply makeup. That I can effectively unleash my
inner drag queen.

I am even thankful for conversations with the mirror. So, I know when to
stop and drop into the nearest Serta, Sealy, or Posturpedic bed.

I am thankful for grease when my hair is dry, Nivea for my skin, and
Stila for those pesky under-eye areas.

I am thankful it costs nothing to smile or laugh, because these
days...that's the only thing I have in abundance.

Porn

to me is Barnes and Noble. The lure of a nice warm tea and a cuddly bed with a hot new book gets my blood racing..my juices flowing and stimulaion from head to toe. Bon chika woun woun....

Oooh Baby...I think I'm going to have a new man in my life. His name is Harukui Murakami. I haven't yet to read his books...but it's like the start of any new relationship. I'm playing coy while my heart is fluttering with...


Anticipation


My new best girlfriend is Eric Simone Turnipseed. She wrote the most wonderful book, A Love Noir...it was real, not too graphic. It felt like we were talking over drinks. And yet...it was well-written.She has a new book out. Well new is relative. I just so happened to put her name in on the BN website and bam! I feel slapped. She didn't even tell me...
But, I look forward to Hunger. It meets up where A Love Noir left off and baby I've got pangs for this book....yay!!!