Thursday, November 30, 2006

Random Shit

I have a fear of failure that I think cripples me at most times. I don't want to confront someone out of fear they'll beat my ass. I have a fear of having a 1 night stand out of fear, I'll get herpes or syphillis or some nasty shit that no one wants...eek! DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA!

I couldn't imagine being locked up for the rest of my life. I think of all the beautiful (a lil crazy, innocent, guilty) black and latino men in jail and the thought of it scares me. How can you lock someone up with the intention of rehabilitating..if you put an animal (not saying we are animals - except in the clincal sense of the word) in a cage and control every aspect of his life...when he gets out he's like a bull in a china closet so to speak. I just shuddered thinking about my ex who came out of jail ready to fuck anything...ewwwwwwwwwww!

Why do you stare? Say something, keep your eyes to yourself or better yet..don't say shit at all.. I've been blessed since a very young age with t n a...a little too much..and since then I've been ogled and I really don't appreciate it. Makes me feel all dirty inside...or maybe that's another one of my hang-ups I gotta get over. not douse yourself in cologne..makes my nosehairs sting...yes..I said it!

Subsubject: PHIL
What's funny is..the more I look at this boy..the more I like him..I think...He actually got up and starting singing "Candy Rain" and was so cute. He was shaking his lil booty and everything..just to break up the monotony of the day..It was so cute, which makes me feel like I'm an idiot for not getting involved..but he's told me EXPLICITLY he just wants the panties...But I want him to squeeze me and kiss me>>>is that so bad? Why deos he smell so good?
this is the shit that gets girls knocked up!!! in the middle of kissing he's taking shit off and ur like o wait..we're having sex..oh well..not saying..just saying...(if he's any good at what he does)

Why do I always feel like everyday is hump each day at work gets harder and harder....hmmmm...
I realize that this is not what I am supposed to be doing and it is not my purpose in life and this is a means to an end. One of the most legit means to an end..but gosh darnit!!! I just want to fucking scream!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I HATE THIS SHIT (in Chris Rock's voice - remember that comedy sketch he had...forgot the name of it...) I HATE THIS SHIT!!!!
I'm so dizzy because I answer the phone everyday with the same phrase a million times a day..yet I forget to say it at least 5/10 times a day...hmmmmmmmmmmm
Why does it seem like my phone is always the one that always ringing..hmmmmmmmmmm
Officially over sad so sad..we could've made beautiful music together. Sadly, I think he's over me as well. I like to think of myself as so beautiful that no one could possibly get over me..that I'm some kind of heartbreaker but I don't that would be very accurate at all..hahahaha
The boy can dress though..
On 2nd thought, that look he gave me just now...he does still like me...hahaha
I think the problem is is that he doesn't treat me like I'm precious. Which at the end of the day, I do! I do want to feel special..that's not so bad, right?
Ever fantasize about beating the shit out of your co-worker...The one person at work I fucking hate is my Secret fucking ironic...I HATE THIS SHIT!

Tired of complaining ass black folks...
Tired of whining ass white people...
Tired of crazy
Tired of bargaining ass Pacific-Islander people..
Just plain ti'd (lol)

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