Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Porgy and Bess

There have been a lof of things going on and I am trying to wrap my head around everything.

I'm writing this on my new all touch screen phone. My other phone gave me way too many problems. Firstly, I was NOT paying $130 to replace a $50 phone! No ma'am. So when the damn thing just cut off...wouldn't charge or anything...I woke up yesterday pissed. Thank goodness I have some money stashed away for emergencies but now I'm a little stressed out because the emergency fund has been spent on a new phone.

I am getting paranoid about losing this job. I come in on time and I make my daily goal of sales, I am always in dress code and my makeup is always fly but still...I dont have  unemployment or mommy's hugs to fall back on and part of me doesn't feel like this is permanent for some reason.

They fired Frenchie last week because she called out once a week every week for 2 months. What killed me was that she was always complaining about how broke she was all the time but was always late and not showing up. She felt like her boyfriend should take care of her.

After she left, Monroe was like.."Look at her. She'll be fine." She is beautidul but come on! The girl is 39 yrs old with a man as a plan...no back up or anything. Monroe was like..wait til u get my age..you'll understand. These men want you to be all freaky in the bedroom and you get nothing for it. No! They gotta pay for it.
Zhang said...(in another conversation) I
"I am Asian girl. I can't work so hard." Yesterday, I asked her about her husband. He lives in China. She said that American men are too romantic...too smooth. They can't be trusted. I told her what Monrow said and she agreed. She said she has a husband. If she wants to work hard and pay most of the bills, she would have a roommate. In China, all the women are happy because the men buy the house and pay all the bills. The women are responsible for furnishing the house, keeping it clean and keeping themselves pretty. Not a bad deal entirely. lol

Its hot at work and NYC has been experiencing a small heat wave. The girl who passed out 2weeks ago is back at work. I think she's a little embarasssed. She was just dehydrated.  An old lady passed out last week. Now, all the managers are making an extra effort to make sure everyone drinks water several times a day but you have to take yo,. The A/C is a non-motha effing factor as Evelyn would say as you hardly feel it. I got into it with Shy because I don't like her or the way she spoke to me. A small thing turned into a huge conflama and I wanted to punch her in the face.

These girls are so cut-throat and its super ridiculous. I am kinda glad we don't get comission or else chicks would fight for real.

Grandma is getting worse. I haven't seen her in 2 weeks. I get 1 day off a week and on that day I have to cook for the week, clean, rest and try and have some fun. I just want to run away from the situation. I will probably put her in the nursing home permanently.


I called DK on Friday and I was like.."Man, I was about to call a search party for you." He was like...that's not necessary. I am here. I hadnt spokem to him since Sunday. I talked to my brother about it and he gave me some really good advice. He said to leave him alone. He has girls he does that to because he knows they're going to stick around. He said I'm worth more than that. Sooooo, that's what I'm gonna do. I have already detached myself emotionally. So...whatevs.

I was in Daffy's on Friday with a pair of $20 shoes in my hand for me. I was like...no, its too much but was thinking hard about getting him a $50 pair of shoes. I am super generous if I like you. I mentally slapped myself out of it.

I am super tired all the time. I dont think this job is for me

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Le Boom

I go through so many different emotions with DK, its kinda ridiculous. I had lunch with him on Friday. It was cool. I met a lady coworker of his and I swear that was the first time it hit me...wait...dude is in contact with other women throughout the day. This chick sees him, 200x more than me. First I got jealous and then angry.

He keeps telling me he'll make it up to me and that  things will be better at the end of the summer but there is a big disconnect between him and me. Dude just got a 3rd job!!!!!!

I feel like the bad guy not being supportive knowing he has 3 jobs but I am not feeling support from him. When Rocky died, he text me. I was hoping for a phonecall. I chalked it up to him being a man and not really knowing. But now I am starting to feel resentful. I know I really shouldn't be but I do.

So...now I gotta think.
I feel like when he has it together, he will be awesome but he doesn't...not when it pertains to me.


Blame Starrla and her love languages post. Someone can show me they love me by communicating, spending quality time and being affectionate.

I always think about other people and how I can make their  lives better. Now I have to think about me.

4 Senegalese Women + Misery Loves Company+ Role Models

(Oops. This was sitting in my drafts for 2 weeks)

I sat in the chair for 13 hours to get my waist-length microbraids completed.


Of listening to 4 women from Senegal bicker, argue and chat in their language. In the midst of it, I thought..."Damn, my job is not so bad.

Working with all women in a small space is challenging. Saturday, I went in to work and my boss was on my ass about my hair and the way I was dressed. I didn't wear my lab coat because it was filthy so I left it home.

Oh em gee. You would've thought I cussed a customer. She "coached" me on it for 2 hours. And then she kept saying my hair was a problem.

I was told in training that I could wear my black Keds to work because although they're" athletic shoes," they're all black with no writing or insignias. Suddenly on Saturday, that was a problem.

Like..I was going to go buy some shoes.


Then...she made me read and sign a document saying that I read the dress code.

It felt like....I came in to work in a decent mood and this lady did all she could to wipe the smile off my face.

I was so pissed. I asked my coworker.."Am I supposed to wear a filthy coat?" She said yes. And don't act all happy because that gives people room to attack you. How sad is that shit?


I'm learning a lot and I'm just keeping in mind that its definitely a stepping stone. Everything else...just let it roll off my back.

I'm officially the Assistant Lead Servant of the Dance Ministry at my church. People are referring to me as a leader and we had a meeting and there were expectations and such.


Lol. No its good but the actual leader keeps saying she's grooming me to take over the ministry in 2 yrs. Hunh? What???

Leaders in the church are always held at a higher standard...a standard of which I'm not sure I can meet.

Like...I would have to go to the extra services I skip out on and I'd be a recognizable face and people will ask me questions and I'd be a role model for the younger girls.

I didn't sign up for that. I want to be a delinquent. (Not really)

I don't drink (that much) or smoke or club. I tithe. I don't miss that many Sundays. But the pressure.

Talking to the leader of the ministry in a sister to sister way...it requires such a commitment and I know I can do I but I'm honored and blown away.

I also need to choreograph more and choose songs. Wow.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Quality of Life

Today, someone passed out at work. The girl who works at the counter next to mine. We. Don't have a close bond but she teases me everyday about something. We crack jokes and stuff. Today, I could tell she wasn't feeling herself. She complained that her head hurt. I went to get something from the stock room. When I came back, she was on the floor unconscious and there were store security guards that created a perimeter around her to give her some air. Our manager tried to wake her up. It took a while. The ambulance was called. She began shaking as if having a seizure on the floor. After they were able to get her conscious, she was still like a wet noodle. Her eyes were closed. It was terrible. I started crying. Seeing her like that...I don't know. With all the death around me lately, it hit a nerve.

Later, one of the girls at my counter said that before she passed out, she told her manager she didn't feel well. Her head felt numb. Someone else said she grabbed her stomach and then passed out and hit her head on the blunt part of the counter. She had a bruise on her forehead.

Why didn't they let her go home? Take a 15 minute break? Get some water? The store is cool enough where you're not dying but not cool enough where you feel totally comfortable. We sweat all day. And why?

Everyone in the store is doing some manual labor... from the guys in the stock room. The girls at the counters...we're on our feet for 9 hours a day. That's not easy.

Why didn't she say...I need to be home? A check at the end of the week is necessary but not at the expense of hitting your head and passing out. Maybe it was God's plan that she stayed. I don't know her living situation but if she's like me and lives alone...if I pass out in this apartment I don't think anyone would notice for days. That's a scary thought.

Anyways...I hope you all take this as a PSA. A job is not more important than your health. I love you all. Take care of yourselves!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Best Blog

Thank you Ms. Starrla for the Best Blog Award! :)
The rules: List 7 random things about yourself, pass the award to 15 bloggers and answer a couple of questions.

Share seven random things about myself

1. I am lactose-intolerant but LOOVE ice cream so I only eat it if I know I have nowhere to go and DO NOT call me to go out if I just had a bowl. Oh no ma'am.

2. I desperately want to go on a trip. DESPERATELY. Somewhere! Anywhere! A customer told me she was from Vancouver, Canada. Vancouver doesn't sound sexy at all but I was like...take me with you!!! Smh

3. I thought my first book would be published at 21. (I was ambitious) Now I'm hoping 30.(Still ambitious?)

4. Most people think I'm joking when I'm dead a$$ serious. Maybe its my delivery. *shrug*

5. I miss Eddie Murphy pre-tranny hooker. He was unapologetically funny (Raw, Delirious, Vampire in Brooklyn). Now, he's Dr. DooLittle and donkey in Shrek. I hope Chris Rock doesn't get caught with a tranny hooker.

6. I wear makeup everyday. Its getting to be annoying. Part of me wants to quit but a) I have to for work and b) I don't know if I can.. *GASP*

7. I forgive too easily, friends say. I don't think I forgive easily. I just think its better to have less things on my heart. Ya'll know I'm a big girl..I can't have anger and bitterness on top of all this jelly...lol

Tag 15 Bloggers (Umm...I read like 5 blogs...lol)

1. Diddy Bop
2. Trish
3. Young Woman
4. Gorgeous Puddin
5. Monique

(literally...5 blogs. if i'm not reading your blog...leave a comment or email me at lifeisaficklepickle at gmail dot com and i'll get to reading!)

Answer the following questions

Favorite colour: Purple
Favorite song: "Visions"~ Stevie Wonder
Favourite dessert: Oreos dipped in white chocolate (OH EM GEE)

Biggest pet peeve: People not covering their mouths when they cough or sneeze.

When you are upset, you: I hold it in and try to analyze all aspects of the situation.

Your favorite pet: :(

Black or white: Black

Biggest Fear: Going to Hell (no, for real) or getting my face sliced

Best feature: My enchanting eyes or happy disposition

Everyday attitude: Gratitude for life.
What is perfection: Love

Guilty pleasure: Lately, I've been OD'ing on the Oreo McFlurry from McDonald's. to be extra fat, I make them put caramel sauce in it. DELISH!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

captain obvious

i asked zhang what school does she go to. she said, "esl. english as a second language because i'm asian. i don't know english very well."

i smiled not wanting to laugh out loud literally.

that's like me telling her, "I'm black."

uhhh...duh. (on the asian part)

she's so cute and sweet though.
other than her...the other girls are catty, funny, horny, petty and are at some level of frustration with working with the company.

there was an incident yesterday where one of the girls told me to "do it yourself" with helping a customer because she wanted to put the sale down on her record sheet. i was like...for $14, you want to piss off your co-worker. i spoke to the manager about it because...clearly, they don't know that i don't play that shit. no one speaks to me crazy and i don't want to show them the hard way...by speaking to her even crazier. i have to keep professional because i'm a black lady with an afro. they expect less of me.

this chick goes hard in the paint to make $2,000 a day.
at the end of the year, if she makes $200,000, she gets a pin. if she makes $280,000, she gets $700. that's not even 10%...not even 5% of what she made the company but she's going to create enemies at work for $700 and a pin. ummm...yea ok. she has ONE MORE TIME to speak to me like she has no sense. brown people man...we get so caught up in nonsense.

the money i get paid is comparable to the money i make on unemployment which isn't much. she gets paid less than me. its like they throw pennies at us and we just can't get enough. gtfoh.

i've learned my lesson. my last job i worked crazy hours, had the company blackberry...was always stressed. and they just laid me off without even a courtesy of a thank you or a call to let me know i was laid off. i am NOT ever killing myself like that for a company again.

most of my day is spent trying to explain to people from spain, france, japan or korea what the hell foundation, toner, face wash, etc is using pantomime. the other part of my day is trying to figure out which of the 30 unlabeled drawers the product is in and making sure these chicks don't steal my customers.

i get home. my ankles, legs and knees are killing me. i'm grateful to have a job, especially because i just got a letter in the mail. i think my unemployment is ending.bff called today and said they abruptly ended her unemployment. she's going to have to find a way somehow. it was after 7:30, so i can't check my benefit status. i'm sure my benefits have ended too. so..i got this job in the nick of time.

but i'm still looking.

i was walking home and a lady had a black and white shih tzu with her. it was a girl and had a cute little red bow. i swear the dog almost walked up to me. it was panting a little bit which i equate to being a dog's version of a smile. i wanted to grab the dog and run but see above about my physical state after work and i guess that's wrong of me to do. lol. bff says its rocky's way of reaching out to me from beyond. i still expect to see him when i get home from work. i still smell him around the house (in a good way - the shampoo i used on him)...*sigh*

dk and i talk periodically. he says work is killing him. *sigh*
i'm not waiting for him but nothing else is striking my fancy right now. so...eh.

what else....
i decided i wanted to get a puzzle piece tattoo and i want my husband to get the puzzle piece that fits mine tattooed on him but i want the tattoo to be somewhere random like on my ribcage. *gasp* my husband should get the tattoo on his rib because that's where God made woman from..the man's rib. (things i think about on the train) i think it would be super cute.

i want braids but the african lady wants $250 for some poetic justice braids that go down to my waist.


i'm sure even janet jackson didn't pay $250 for those damn braids back then.

i gotta do something. i'm starting to resent this bush on my head.

other than that...my apartment still looks like a crack den. if i dont do laundry soon, i'll have to wear boy shorts to work (and those thing give you a perma-wedgie all day). my grandmother's nursing home keeps calling me about stuff. i'm overwhelmed. its like i can only manipulate one part of my life at a time. my work life is (sorta) winning.

tmobile is bugging...they say that i need to pay them $109 for a phone i sent back a month ago because they haven't received it yet and $130 to replace the phone i have now because the screen is shattered. i paid $50 to get the phone in the first place...WTF?!

if its not one thing...its another!

that's it. hopefully i have the energy for more salicious reading soon.

Saturday, July 2, 2011


(continuation of the previous post)

i'm also trying to become more focused on what it is i really want to do, what i need to do and enjoy life because if this year has taught me anything..its that life is short and can be snuffed out in a second.

things i want to do this summer
- go to the aquarium
- go to the beach
- go to the planetarium at the museum of natural history
- go to the moma
- shake my booty at least once at the club
- get my license (FINALLY)
- redo my apartment room by room. i'm going to try and start re-tiling my living room by this week. i need to find the tile that's in the rest of the house.

movies i want to see (soon)
x-men: first class
kung fu panda 2
despicable me

things i want to do period
- go to texas
- go to miami
- go to london, spain, germany, france
- go back to school
- get dressed up really fancy to go to dinner with a boy
- learn to swim
- go scuba diving
- have a grown-up apartment that i having people over in
- be debt-free
- buy a house
- own a piece of art made by each of my friends (that are actual artists)

i'll probably add to this list more very soon

the rain don't last + counter girls

(long post..but aren't all of my posts long?)

it has been 4 days since rocky died. it has felt like 2 weeks...easily.i feel as though those closest to me have never really experienced moments of sadness from me and thus, do not know how to handle such moments when they arise.i needed to be left alone.to deal with my own thoughts without fear that i'd end up consoling someone else (which usually ends up happening.)i needed to process. to go through the stages of grief without someone in my face. expecting. not sure exactly what they'd be expecting but they have that look on their face.

my apartment is borderline disgusting. i havent' cleaned. i've left things where ever they have decided to fall and i'm trying to get my act together. i'm just damned tired.sadness plus a new job, i guess.

at work, i have to put on a smiling face and pretend that everything around me is all roses. i also have to present myself a certain way and so that has helped, actually. i can't call out day 1 of work. i can't show up day 1 looking disheveled and crazy. so, i was forced all week to stretch myself..to shower, put on a full face of makeup and smile.maybe that was the hand of God. my sister thinks so.

people have said extremely dumb shit to me. starting with the guy who tried to help me catch rocky. a few hours later, after i'd cried myself into a headache that wouldn't quit i walked to the store. he and his friend were sitting out on their stoop. i walked by and they started whispering. his friend goes.."hey, did you cry?" i said, "excuse me?" he said, "did you cry over your dead dog?" i said, "fuck you think?" he said, "i was just wondering you bitch."and then various other people wondered aloud if i'd get a new dog, starting with my mom, just 2 hours after rocky had died. maybe you guys see the allure of putting myself in a bubble now.

i'd like to take this time to thank everyone who reached out to me! especially wynsters for threatening to show up at my house. love you boo! but no...thanks for all your support guys!i wanted to knock someone's head off their shoulders. but that could be the anger stage of grief talking. i haven't gotten around to packing up his stuff. i'm not sure if i want to give it away to someone who has a dog or keep it or throw it out or whatever. its the little things getting to me. like i still wake up 30 minutes early to walk him and then i wake up like...oh. or, i do things with him in mind every day like.let me close my bedroom door so he doesn't get into my shoes and then i do it like..oh. or, if have tissue in my purse, i remove it before i put my purse on the couch because i know the dog always gets it and then its all over my living room.i walk in the door expecting to see him. i go to bed waiting or i sit on the couch for him to jump on me. and then i remember he's not there. all week i had to take something to go to sleep because every time i closed my eyes i saw the whole thing happen again. smh. i'm trying. i know it will get better.

canine passing aside...this week has been extremely informative and productive for me as an artist.clinique is all about skin and skin care.

honestly, i have great skin. i understand it. i know how to keep it looking decent and it all has to do with genes and doing the wrong things early and paying dearly for it. that aside, what i know about skin care seems to be very limited as i am working for a company whose main bread and butter is skin care. i also suck at matching foundation on white, indian and asian women. the bulk of my work has been black women and the ladies of other races i've worked with have been easy to match since i had some time to think about it or have worked as professional models long enough to know what their shade of makeup is -- so, i've been cheating basically. i'm learning.

also, i worked with clinique foundation only when a model brought their own in..other than that...mac all the way. if i were working the mac counter, i could match more easily since honestly, they have way more specialized shades than clinique.98% of the people who show up at the counter are not black. 80% of those non-black people don't speak a lot of english. even still my average sales for this week was about $800 for the day which rocks. it would rock more if i got commission but...i'm not there to stay. i'm planning on being there for about 2 years. if i become managament in 2 years, i might consider staying or if i'm in school, i need to pay for that ish. or a better job. lots of ORS but the bottom line is...i'm pitching a tent not building a house.

i'm rusty when it comes to the workforce. i've never quite had to depend on other people as an actual team as opposed to a fictitious team they say you are in the workplace to boost morale when you hardly speak to your cubicle-mate. but i have to depend on my coworkers very heavily. even more heavily because there are like 20 drawers where all the merchandise is held that are unlabeled (WTF for?!) and i'm super new and the cash register is weird for me and i need help matching foundations. i feel like a fish out of water flapping around like crazy while trying to smile and be confident.one thing i learned this week:if you act like you know what you're doing but don't say anything contrary..people will believe you.if you say you know what you're doing but act like you don't..people will not believe you.i smile. i'm super nice and i'm confident.i'm also hella cautious.

you smash 7 girls at a makeup counter the size of a utility closet and there is going to be DRAMA!sales (of course) are a major thing. no one has stressed me about it because i'm new and my sales are pretty good. i'm sure they think i'm promising but are watching me with bated breath because as i was told, everyone is a superstar the first month. the 2nd month, they get burned out a bit. we'll see.so, its time to add my coworkers to this lil blog of mine. yes? yes.as always, names are changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent.

first person i met was:frenchie - frenchie is tall, busty and slim. she's 39 but looks 25. the eyes and mannerisms give her away. i thought she was dominican for some reason but she's jamaican. she's nice, patient and helps me a lot so i give her some of my sales.

daria - black girl (?) who speaks spanish. she's funny and i think she likes me in that sister-girl way. has a major ATTITUDE. hates the job. was the one who told me we don't get commission while makeup counters everywhere else get at least 3% + they make more. i also realized i make more money than her. i make 90 cents more. i found that out because she was saying something about....

shy - shy is a spanish girl who has a dry personality. she's causing a lot of drama because all the other girls hate her, basically. she's the manager's pet and was basically out for a month without calling when the policy is 3 days no call no show and you're out the door. then, she got her gratis (free stuff the company gives you each quarter) because they said "she never left" and she was never penalized for missing a whole month of work. shy goes super hard promoting and getting customer sales. she also (as i've seen) makes a huge deal of everything. someone said something to her in a manner she didn't like and it was a conversation for an hour at least. AND she involved a manager. i was like...really? meanwhile, she said something to me i didn't like and i let it slide. the next time, i'll call her out on it. and then hear her talk about it for an hour. *rolling my eyes*

raoutie - indian girl with very bad bad skin. her makeup is always a little too much and she has an overbite. she's very peppy and speaks very loudly like all the time. she says my name wrong. like n-eh-na instead of nee-na if that makes sense. its annoying. she's nice enough, i guess. *shrug*monroe - 33 but looks 19. she's very particular and she has to do things a certain way. she's nice and helpful but she loves to tell me what to do. and i just look at her and don't do it. i like when black girls wear bright pink lips but hers are a little too bright. then, she doesn't blend her makeup in at her jawline so she ends up with a mask-like thing where you see where he skin is and where her makeup begins.

zhang - is chinese. i don't really talk to her and i'm fine with that. i smile at her. she smiles back. i thought she got an attitude with me when i was helping some chinese girls. especially when she said something to them in chinese and they responded in english that i was helping them. (like she tried to steal my sale) but..whatevs. sherice is on vacay so i haven't met her.

alice is my boss. she's jamaican and has bad bad skin. dark marks that you can see through makeup. she needs mac not clinique.she seems cool. i heard to watch out for her because she gets loose with the lips. hopefully, i give off the vibe that i'm nice but to not get to slick with me. manager or no, there's a way you talk to people, capiche.
i heard another manager at the beginning of the year was waiting for her at the train station to whoop her ass after she said something to her she didn't like. WOW.

i think i'm going to write a book called counter girls where i satire what my experience has been like. we'll see. other stuff happening. hopefully, i can get some posts out soon.