Sunday, July 29, 2012

birds of a feather

i'm excited.
tomorrow, i start going back to the gym again. i promised myself an hour a day, 3 days a week.
that's doable, yes? yes.

i've been feeling low in the self-esteem department.
the skin issues are still there. coupled with being overweight during the fun.

so, 30 minutes cardio. 30 minutes on weights. bueno.
tomorrow, i'm going to work on arms, tuesday on legs and wednesday or friday, i'll work on abs.
i'm not expecting this to be fun or easy...especially because i still stand on my feet everyday all day.
i miss jogging. i miss being fit (err- well, more fit than i am now)

the book is going well...i'm at chapter 10 of 12. so, Progress!!!
there are many plates spinning at the same time and i'm just trying to keep track of it all.

i've been thinking a lot about my close friends.
mainly bff and all of her damn drama!
i'm so turned off but what do you do when a close friend just disgusts you with their constant bs?
twin told me she must like drama because she could eliminate it but chooses not to or tells herself, she can't

she's been dragging me down lately...i don't know what to do

the baby will be 1 in 3 weeks and we are busy planning her bday festivities. she's a doll. a real joy to be around. she's trying to walk and she's a fast crawler. she's beeeeeeeautiful. i want to stay in her life and not just  in a financial way. i want to be there for her. to do that, i feel like i have to deal with her mama and her mama's drama.

i've been reading the advice of successful people and they all say....surround yourself with people going in the same direction as you. i don't want to lose a friend i have a choice?

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

jagged little pill

i had 2 days off back to back (for most people this is called the weekend...for me, it is called a rarity.)
it felt like freakin vacation!

monday night, my nephew (who is 10 years older than me) calls me to tell me his stepson is on his way from jamaica to nyc on a layover to bermuda and he needs some money.
me, loving my nephew so very much...i agree to take public transpo (!!!) an hour to the airport to go give his stepson some cash.

firstly, i have no idea what this boy looks like.
secondly, who travels with no money? an immature teenage...that's who!
thirdly, his flight got into ny at 1am. i'd been up since 6am for work and i was so tired, i was delirious!

i met up with him at around 2:30. i had to take the bus an hour home that late at night.
when i saw this kid, i wanted to punch him in the mouth.
i love how teens say they're grown but if he were really a grown man, he wouldn't be traveling with no money and having his parents (who were in IRELAND!) bail him out.

today, i went to the dermatologist.
my appointment was at 4:30. i saw the doctor at 7:30. i wanted to freakin scream!
i had no service on my phone and they had no wifi.
i was just waiting and waiting and waiting. it was mind-numbing.

so, check this....this "eczema" that has been wrecking shop on my skin and life is not really eczema.
it seems to be a fungal infection called tinea incognito.
it is a common fungus that is passed on from skin to skin contact that has been made worse by the use of topical steroids. the most common form of it is like ringworm in kids.

in english:
i had a fungus that i probably picked up from holding the pole on the train or from a customer i touched doing makeup or something simple. i went to the doctor. since i have a history of severe eczema that comes and goes, they prescribed a steroid cream. the steroids made the fungus worse and spread all over my body. when i stopped using the cream, the fungus became worse which made me think the cream was helping but it was only hurting me.

since having it, i did have sex with dk and i've done makeup on hundreds of people. he didn't get it. they don't have it. why? because once i had it, i was using the cream which made it non-contagious but highly reactive.

i feel like a disgusting human being right now.
i've had this fungus for at least a year.

he put me on 2 creams, an anti-fungal pill and an antihistamine for the itching. i also have to do bloodwork to see if this is affecting my internal organs/immune system. also.........the meds can affect my liver function so no drinking for me!

this is horrible!
when i googled it, i started to feel less bad though. this happens often because of the "incognito" in the name, it means the fungus basically doesn't show up like normal fungi so when treated like dermatitis (or eczema/psoriasis) it become a nasty bugger...i read a story of a woman who had this fungus for 13 years!!!! it basically looked like eczema covered her entire body! the pictures were intense, i didn't even read the rest of the story. but yea, the doctor tried to come down on me saying i've had eczema my whole life, i should've known this was different.

i was like....i didn't go to medical school. i trust people who've spent 8-10 years studying this and if they were wrong, how was i supposed to know different. slow ya role bud.
anyways.....i dropped off my prescription when i got to target at 9pm (!!!) and hopefully, they'll have it for me tomorrow or friday. i need this off off off! like yesterday.

crazy thing..this thing called life.

i can't tell anyone but ya'll and bff and twin. everyone else will judge me. lol

as for the book...i am at 70k words!! that translates to 7 chapters and 152 pages!!!  i am in the process of talking to a graphic designer about the cover art, securing the domain name for the website, working out how i want the site to look...i've created the twitter page for the book and am working out how i want to begin the social media promo....and i'm thinking about other means of promoting it (blog talk radio shows, pamper parties, flyers, postcards, etc.) this shit's not just about the art. my business taught me that. i want my book to be BIG. i need it to be big because all this stuff costs money. the money is coming from ME. i don't have a lot of it. i have 4 prescriptions to pay for and such.

i have other money woes too....another post for another (depressing) day....anywhosies...time for bed lovies!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

call me

sooooooo....i was sick this week where i left early because i was nauseous and light-headed. my period in the month of june was so SERIOUS. i also had cramps that had me keeled over feeling crazy. anyways, i went to the store with my phone, keys and money. when i got home, i had a bag from the store, my keys and change.

my manager at work said she wants a hysterectomy but they refuse to do it because there's no medical reason. she said the medical reason is that she can't handle her period. she's in her mid 30s and childless. she said..."i don't care. cut it out of me. if i want a kid, i'll buy one." - i totally understand
where my phone went? i have no clue.

the insurance company sent the new phone literally the next day but i don't have certain people's

brock is the nonstarter dude from the last post. i really didn't have a strong desire to talk to him. i just wanted the attention, if we're being honest. he's in houston for the week. he comes back today (sunday). i facebooked him that i didn't have his number. he hasn't called me yet. lame.

i began calling random numbers on my phone bill and i accidentally dialed trini's number. awkward. and dk's number. super awkward.

trini, as soon as i realized it was him, i awkwardly was like...ok, bye. and hung up.
dk, i didn't realize it until i heard his voice on his vm and i left a weird message like...i called by accident. *nervous laugh* umm, sorry.

he text me saying he didn't want me to think he was angry with me and that he wants to know how i am doing.

i was like..ok, call me when u can. so, he did. while i was at work.

i got nervous because honestly, i think there was something there with dk. i might love him. i'm not sure. and, i didn't want to break up. but.....yea, so, when he called i was like i'm at work,. i'll call u later. i dropped the phone when i was on the escalator and the sim card fell in a crack. tmobile's system was down and they couldnt get my phone back online until late.

i called him late. we caught up. it was nice. i really want to talk about what happened between us but slow and steady, right?