I'd been seeing Corey since September off and on. Our relationship was casual. When we were lonely, we'd hang and it was all good. Friday night, we got some food and hung out, talked and we sort of fooled around a bit. After, we talked some more and he told me that he was developing feelings for me and that he wanted to explore them a bit more.
I was elated. I, too, had secretly been developing feelings for him and could see myself really dating him. Corey is funny, smart, driven and is overall, a sweet guy. He didn't want to just hang anymore. He asked me out on a formal date. Score!
He dropped me off home and I started trying on outfits for our date on Saturday until I realized I left my phone in his car. Boo!
I emailed him. It was late. He ended up bringing it to me at work. When I looked up and saw his face, my heart leapt. He hugged me from behind and handed me my phone, told me he was double-parked and that he'd see me later.
My client asked me..Who is that?
My boyfriend, I replied. - I know! I know!! Wishful thinking....
Corey texted me at around 7:30 that he was still in Queens. (About 30-45 minutes from where I live in Brooklyn) but that he'd call me later. I was getting off of work at that time and we were scheduled to meet at 10.
Corey is habitually late, so when 10pm rolled around, I still hadn't showered or dressed. I also hadn't heard from him. I sent him a text saying, "Hey. What's up?"
No response.
He called me 3 times back to back at 11pm. Each time I picked up, all I heard was silence.
I called him back twice and the same thing.
Weird.
I sent him a text asking if something was wrong with his phone because I couldn't hear anything..No response.
Even weirder.
He called me again at 12 and then at 1:30. Same thing.
At this point, I'm like...is he playing games with me?
I turned the ringer off my phone and went to sleep.
PISSED.
Not only was I officially stood up, he was toying with me. If he didn't want to date me, he didn't have to bring it up.
Saturday, I hung out with my Twin. He said that clearly Corey is playing games and I shouldn't even invest anymore time in it. The whole situation is bizarre to say the least. As we're talking, another call from him comes through and the same shit - SILENCE.
He told me the next time he calls, I should go off when I pick up...no..Hello, hi, I can't hear you. I'm being too nice.
Maybe he's right.
But...WHY go through all of that? WHY fuck up a good thing? I really don't get it.
Showing posts with label wtf?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wtf?. Show all posts
Monday, November 11, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Boys Boys Boys Pt 3
The next day, I feel really good about the sex but really awful that it was Matt. So, I text him.
Me: How do you feel about last night?
Him: I feel like it was something that was going to happen...it was inevitable. I'm glad we got it out of the way.
Me: Yea, I wanted to fuck you for a long time. I don't want anything extra from you, though.
Him: Me too. I wanted to do that for the longest but you know how I feel about relationships.
Which basically means, he avoids them like Dracula avoids the Sun.
We were square.
I went to Europe. It was awesome. I came back horny.
Clinton and I met up one late night. I went to his house and we had sexytime. It was 1 position, short and I was a little disappointed. I mean, the first time we went for hours and hours but this time was just....quick. He apologized. He said he'd already masturbated before he knew I was coming but he did eat me out until I climaxed which was awesome. lol...he's a giver, that guy.
I slept over. We spooned. The next day, he had to get up early for work. I wanted a quickie but he was in a bad mood saying how tired he was and I felt guilty.
So, here's the picture:
me, Clinton and his dog leaving his house. They (him and the dog) waited for me to catch the bus, he kisses me goodbye and I pet the dog.
It felt like we were...together.
And that's where I kind of lost my footing.
That picture was so emblazoned in my mind and I was so geeked. I was going to buy him a bed in a bag because he had mismatched sheets...
I told my coworkers...I had stars in my eyes.
Not even a week later, I was PMS'ing. I felt like my job was shit. I hate everyone. I texted him. He told me about his job interview. He was so excited, he just had to send them some samples. I was my encouraging self. Then I told him I was having a bad day.
And I got..........................................nothing.
For 4 fucking days, he was silent.
So, I text him. You guys know I'm not taking that shit.
Me: So, *crickets* That's all you have to say?
Him: Sorry, with the new job, I don't have access to my phone.
Me: Yeah.....okay.
And that was the end of that. Radio silence for a few weeks.
I was a little hurt because I thought at the end of the day, we could be FRIENDS. I didn't want him to take me out and introduce me to his friends or anything but a little support.
Whatever.
Me: How do you feel about last night?
Him: I feel like it was something that was going to happen...it was inevitable. I'm glad we got it out of the way.
Me: Yea, I wanted to fuck you for a long time. I don't want anything extra from you, though.
Him: Me too. I wanted to do that for the longest but you know how I feel about relationships.
Which basically means, he avoids them like Dracula avoids the Sun.
We were square.
I went to Europe. It was awesome. I came back horny.
Clinton and I met up one late night. I went to his house and we had sexytime. It was 1 position, short and I was a little disappointed. I mean, the first time we went for hours and hours but this time was just....quick. He apologized. He said he'd already masturbated before he knew I was coming but he did eat me out until I climaxed which was awesome. lol...he's a giver, that guy.
I slept over. We spooned. The next day, he had to get up early for work. I wanted a quickie but he was in a bad mood saying how tired he was and I felt guilty.
So, here's the picture:
me, Clinton and his dog leaving his house. They (him and the dog) waited for me to catch the bus, he kisses me goodbye and I pet the dog.
It felt like we were...together.
And that's where I kind of lost my footing.
That picture was so emblazoned in my mind and I was so geeked. I was going to buy him a bed in a bag because he had mismatched sheets...
I told my coworkers...I had stars in my eyes.
Not even a week later, I was PMS'ing. I felt like my job was shit. I hate everyone. I texted him. He told me about his job interview. He was so excited, he just had to send them some samples. I was my encouraging self. Then I told him I was having a bad day.
And I got..........................................nothing.
For 4 fucking days, he was silent.
So, I text him. You guys know I'm not taking that shit.
Me: So, *crickets* That's all you have to say?
Him: Sorry, with the new job, I don't have access to my phone.
Me: Yeah.....okay.
And that was the end of that. Radio silence for a few weeks.
I was a little hurt because I thought at the end of the day, we could be FRIENDS. I didn't want him to take me out and introduce me to his friends or anything but a little support.
Whatever.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
jagged little pill
soooooooooooooooooooooo
i had 2 days off back to back (for most people this is called the weekend...for me, it is called a rarity.)
it felt like freakin vacation!
monday night, my nephew (who is 10 years older than me) calls me to tell me his stepson is on his way from jamaica to nyc on a layover to bermuda and he needs some money.
me, loving my nephew so very much...i agree to take public transpo (!!!) an hour to the airport to go give his stepson some cash.
firstly, i have no idea what this boy looks like.
secondly, who travels with no money? an immature teenage...that's who!
thirdly, his flight got into ny at 1am. i'd been up since 6am for work and i was so tired, i was delirious!
i met up with him at around 2:30. i had to take the bus an hour home that late at night.
when i saw this kid, i wanted to punch him in the mouth.
i love how teens say they're grown but if he were really a grown man, he wouldn't be traveling with no money and having his parents (who were in IRELAND!) bail him out.
today, i went to the dermatologist.
my appointment was at 4:30. i saw the doctor at 7:30. i wanted to freakin scream!
i had no service on my phone and they had no wifi.
i was just waiting and waiting and waiting. it was mind-numbing.
so, check this....this "eczema" that has been wrecking shop on my skin and life is not really eczema.
it seems to be a fungal infection called tinea incognito.
it is a common fungus that is passed on from skin to skin contact that has been made worse by the use of topical steroids. the most common form of it is like ringworm in kids.
in english:
i had a fungus that i probably picked up from holding the pole on the train or from a customer i touched doing makeup or something simple. i went to the doctor. since i have a history of severe eczema that comes and goes, they prescribed a steroid cream. the steroids made the fungus worse and spread all over my body. when i stopped using the cream, the fungus became worse which made me think the cream was helping but it was only hurting me.
since having it, i did have sex with dk and i've done makeup on hundreds of people. he didn't get it. they don't have it. why? because once i had it, i was using the cream which made it non-contagious but highly reactive.
i feel like a disgusting human being right now.
i've had this fungus for at least a year.
he put me on 2 creams, an anti-fungal pill and an antihistamine for the itching. i also have to do bloodwork to see if this is affecting my internal organs/immune system. also.........the meds can affect my liver function so no drinking for me!
this is horrible!
when i googled it, i started to feel less bad though. this happens often because of the "incognito" in the name, it means the fungus basically doesn't show up like normal fungi so when treated like dermatitis (or eczema/psoriasis) it become a nasty bugger...i read a story of a woman who had this fungus for 13 years!!!! it basically looked like eczema covered her entire body! the pictures were intense, i didn't even read the rest of the story. but yea, the doctor tried to come down on me saying i've had eczema my whole life, i should've known this was different.
i was like....i didn't go to medical school. i trust people who've spent 8-10 years studying this and if they were wrong, how was i supposed to know different. slow ya role bud.
anyways.....i dropped off my prescription when i got to target at 9pm (!!!) and hopefully, they'll have it for me tomorrow or friday. i need this off off off! like yesterday.
crazy thing..this thing called life.
i can't tell anyone but ya'll and bff and twin. everyone else will judge me. lol
as for the book...i am at 70k words!! that translates to 7 chapters and 152 pages!!! i am in the process of talking to a graphic designer about the cover art, securing the domain name for the website, working out how i want the site to look...i've created the twitter page for the book and am working out how i want to begin the social media promo....and i'm thinking about other means of promoting it (blog talk radio shows, pamper parties, flyers, postcards, etc.) this shit cray...it's not just about the art. my business taught me that. i want my book to be BIG. i need it to be big because all this stuff costs money. the money is coming from ME. i don't have a lot of it. i have 4 prescriptions to pay for and such.
i have other money woes too....another post for another (depressing) day....anywhosies...time for bed lovies!
i had 2 days off back to back (for most people this is called the weekend...for me, it is called a rarity.)
it felt like freakin vacation!
monday night, my nephew (who is 10 years older than me) calls me to tell me his stepson is on his way from jamaica to nyc on a layover to bermuda and he needs some money.
me, loving my nephew so very much...i agree to take public transpo (!!!) an hour to the airport to go give his stepson some cash.
firstly, i have no idea what this boy looks like.
secondly, who travels with no money? an immature teenage...that's who!
thirdly, his flight got into ny at 1am. i'd been up since 6am for work and i was so tired, i was delirious!
i met up with him at around 2:30. i had to take the bus an hour home that late at night.
when i saw this kid, i wanted to punch him in the mouth.
i love how teens say they're grown but if he were really a grown man, he wouldn't be traveling with no money and having his parents (who were in IRELAND!) bail him out.
today, i went to the dermatologist.
my appointment was at 4:30. i saw the doctor at 7:30. i wanted to freakin scream!
i had no service on my phone and they had no wifi.
i was just waiting and waiting and waiting. it was mind-numbing.
so, check this....this "eczema" that has been wrecking shop on my skin and life is not really eczema.
it seems to be a fungal infection called tinea incognito.
it is a common fungus that is passed on from skin to skin contact that has been made worse by the use of topical steroids. the most common form of it is like ringworm in kids.
in english:
i had a fungus that i probably picked up from holding the pole on the train or from a customer i touched doing makeup or something simple. i went to the doctor. since i have a history of severe eczema that comes and goes, they prescribed a steroid cream. the steroids made the fungus worse and spread all over my body. when i stopped using the cream, the fungus became worse which made me think the cream was helping but it was only hurting me.
since having it, i did have sex with dk and i've done makeup on hundreds of people. he didn't get it. they don't have it. why? because once i had it, i was using the cream which made it non-contagious but highly reactive.
i feel like a disgusting human being right now.
i've had this fungus for at least a year.
he put me on 2 creams, an anti-fungal pill and an antihistamine for the itching. i also have to do bloodwork to see if this is affecting my internal organs/immune system. also.........the meds can affect my liver function so no drinking for me!
this is horrible!
when i googled it, i started to feel less bad though. this happens often because of the "incognito" in the name, it means the fungus basically doesn't show up like normal fungi so when treated like dermatitis (or eczema/psoriasis) it become a nasty bugger...i read a story of a woman who had this fungus for 13 years!!!! it basically looked like eczema covered her entire body! the pictures were intense, i didn't even read the rest of the story. but yea, the doctor tried to come down on me saying i've had eczema my whole life, i should've known this was different.
i was like....i didn't go to medical school. i trust people who've spent 8-10 years studying this and if they were wrong, how was i supposed to know different. slow ya role bud.
anyways.....i dropped off my prescription when i got to target at 9pm (!!!) and hopefully, they'll have it for me tomorrow or friday. i need this off off off! like yesterday.
crazy thing..this thing called life.
i can't tell anyone but ya'll and bff and twin. everyone else will judge me. lol
as for the book...i am at 70k words!! that translates to 7 chapters and 152 pages!!! i am in the process of talking to a graphic designer about the cover art, securing the domain name for the website, working out how i want the site to look...i've created the twitter page for the book and am working out how i want to begin the social media promo....and i'm thinking about other means of promoting it (blog talk radio shows, pamper parties, flyers, postcards, etc.) this shit cray...it's not just about the art. my business taught me that. i want my book to be BIG. i need it to be big because all this stuff costs money. the money is coming from ME. i don't have a lot of it. i have 4 prescriptions to pay for and such.
i have other money woes too....another post for another (depressing) day....anywhosies...time for bed lovies!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Buh-Bye
!!!!!!!!!!NSFW!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesdsay, Trini text me some really freaky stuff as he was getting off of work and I was going in.
That opened the door for me to have a difficult conversation with him that I'd been wanting to all along.
"I'm not feeling satisfied sexually with you. I know it might just be the whole bleeding thing but I just have to know."
"What's the problem?"
"I want you to go down on me."
"I don't do that."
"You don't eat pussy?"
"I have before. It's just not my thing...but I love being sucked off. It's my favorite thing in the world."
"So you should understand why I would want you to go down on me."
"Yes but I hate it."
"Sucking dick isn't that fun for me."
"Yes, but do you hate it?"
"No, but it isn't my favorite thing to do but I do it because it pleases you. Maybe you should do it to please me."
"Mmmm...I'm thinking about you sucking me off right now."
*sigh*
>>>>>>>>
Friday night, I was feeling really "bothered." So, I text Trini to see what he was doing. He was hosting a poker party for his friends in hopes to make a little extra money.
I told him how I was feeling and he was like....tell me what you would want me to do to you.
The first thing I said was go down on me and then I proceeded with exact positions and such.
He says, "Oh, I'll definitely give you the D." - and glazed over the other stuff that I said.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Saturday night, Trini and I agreed to meet up. I would spend the night and he would take me home in the morning on his way to work. I came over in sweats, no makeup and no hair. It was may-jor. He actually liked it. He said I looked very different but essentially, I'm beautiful with or without it. We watched Poetic Justice on BET. In the middle of it, he muted the movie and turned on some music and was like "Dance for me."
So I did my lil strip tease. We passionately kissed. He started biting my neck and sucking on my breasts and going further down so in my head, I'm like YES!!! He takes off my panties. YES! And he puts on a condom and starts penetration.
It was more like a Yes than a YES.
All of a sudden, he stops and is like..."suck me off."
He's flaccid.
Oy.
We try again. Different position. He stops.
At first, I thought I was bleeding. Nope. Flaccid.
He blames the condom. Its too tight. He gets another.
We're good. We're good. He stops.
In my mind...I'm like WTF!!!!
"Your pussy is so tight and this condom is tight too. I feel like my dick is choking."
He gets up. He's talking to himself. Nothing is working.
"What do you want me to do?" He means, the alternative is to go without the condom and I'm not with that. So he just got off with a handjob.
I was pissed.
Literally in the past 5 years, I've had sex maybe a handful of times. I thought this was going to be my way back in. The situation was set up perfectly. He was emotionally unavailable and I was emotionally detached. Even if he didn't have all his baggage, it wouldn't work out between us so there was no way I could fathom in my mind a relationship past something sexual but he was not performing his main function.
At least we could cuddle.
"I'm going to finish watching Poetic Justice."
"Really? I just want to go to bed"
"Ok, I'll be there in a few minutes."
About 10 minutes pass. His phone rings.
Wednesdsay, Trini text me some really freaky stuff as he was getting off of work and I was going in.
That opened the door for me to have a difficult conversation with him that I'd been wanting to all along.
"I'm not feeling satisfied sexually with you. I know it might just be the whole bleeding thing but I just have to know."
"What's the problem?"
"I want you to go down on me."
"I don't do that."
"You don't eat pussy?"
"I have before. It's just not my thing...but I love being sucked off. It's my favorite thing in the world."
"So you should understand why I would want you to go down on me."
"Yes but I hate it."
"Sucking dick isn't that fun for me."
"Yes, but do you hate it?"
"No, but it isn't my favorite thing to do but I do it because it pleases you. Maybe you should do it to please me."
"Mmmm...I'm thinking about you sucking me off right now."
*sigh*
>>>>>>>>
Friday night, I was feeling really "bothered." So, I text Trini to see what he was doing. He was hosting a poker party for his friends in hopes to make a little extra money.
I told him how I was feeling and he was like....tell me what you would want me to do to you.
The first thing I said was go down on me and then I proceeded with exact positions and such.
He says, "Oh, I'll definitely give you the D." - and glazed over the other stuff that I said.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Saturday night, Trini and I agreed to meet up. I would spend the night and he would take me home in the morning on his way to work. I came over in sweats, no makeup and no hair. It was may-jor. He actually liked it. He said I looked very different but essentially, I'm beautiful with or without it. We watched Poetic Justice on BET. In the middle of it, he muted the movie and turned on some music and was like "Dance for me."
So I did my lil strip tease. We passionately kissed. He started biting my neck and sucking on my breasts and going further down so in my head, I'm like YES!!! He takes off my panties. YES! And he puts on a condom and starts penetration.
It was more like a Yes than a YES.
All of a sudden, he stops and is like..."suck me off."
He's flaccid.
Oy.
We try again. Different position. He stops.
At first, I thought I was bleeding. Nope. Flaccid.
He blames the condom. Its too tight. He gets another.
We're good. We're good. He stops.
In my mind...I'm like WTF!!!!
"Your pussy is so tight and this condom is tight too. I feel like my dick is choking."
He gets up. He's talking to himself. Nothing is working.
"What do you want me to do?" He means, the alternative is to go without the condom and I'm not with that. So he just got off with a handjob.
I was pissed.
Literally in the past 5 years, I've had sex maybe a handful of times. I thought this was going to be my way back in. The situation was set up perfectly. He was emotionally unavailable and I was emotionally detached. Even if he didn't have all his baggage, it wouldn't work out between us so there was no way I could fathom in my mind a relationship past something sexual but he was not performing his main function.
At least we could cuddle.
"I'm going to finish watching Poetic Justice."
"Really? I just want to go to bed"
"Ok, I'll be there in a few minutes."
About 10 minutes pass. His phone rings.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2012 > 2011
Hello Loves!
I am super tired. I told myself I would clean my house and get on the ball today but halfway through the day, I said "eff it"...I am tired.
Sunday night (Dec. 25th) I took a plane home from North Carolina (stories to come soon) and woke up Monday morning to go to work. Went to work each day. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday morning were 3 hour dance rehearsals. Saturday (yesterday, NYE) I went to work at 7:30 - 4:30. Went to church for 5:30. Basically danced from then until 10:30. Went home and was in bed by 11:45. My body is like...seriously?
Anyways..I guess I have some 'splaining to do.
Job
Retail is the type of business where people come and people go - that's just the nature of things ...most of the time, when folks leave, they don't even give notice. So..when I gave 4 days notice...I thought it would be no problem.
All the managers I have were called in for a crisis intervention.
I was told that I am a valued employee...they've invested into me...it feels like a slap in the face...yadda yadda yadda
and then I hit them with the blank stare.
they resorted to threats.
If you don't give us the full 2 weeks notice...we're going to make it so that you can never work for any estee lauder company ever again. estee lauder owns 40% of the cosmetic brands out there. fyi.
so, of course i gave them the effing 2 weeks.
Luckily, the new job understood and allowed me to take the full 2 weeks....I am so aggravated. One of my bosses..the one who actually interviewed me for the position was like..we're sad to see you go. all i could was give an awkward smile.
and then i giggled nervously and my manager gave me the side-eye so i walked away.
anywho..i start the new job on thursday! woot woot!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Racial Epithets
The Friday before last when Sol, Cora and I went to the club, we had an awesome conversation about hair. Get 2 natural-haired girls together and best believe, hair is going to come up. With 3, it was a party. Anyways...it was very informative as I am not really "into" my hair. Don't get me wrong. I love being natural. I've been natural 3 times and everytime I've gone to the perm, I've literally shaved my head to get away from it. I doubt I'd go back to the creamy crack ever again.
Anywhosies............
Cora who has a whatever the hell type of curl pattern (very defined curls since she's part Cuban) says her hair is "just like a wetback's."
*record scratch*
I think I gave her the scooby doo look which was like...what the hell did you just say??
Why would you use that term?
Am I overly sensitive or is that totally not cool.
I mean, I don't even like the "n-word" and would never use it in public let alone use any other racial slur. She said this on the train and there were some Mexican dudes right across from us. I just kind of shrugged it off and changed the subject. Sol acted like it was nothing and I didn't want to ruin the night. Needless to say, it made me look at her funny....and Sol.
Anywhosies............
Cora who has a whatever the hell type of curl pattern (very defined curls since she's part Cuban) says her hair is "just like a wetback's."
*record scratch*
I think I gave her the scooby doo look which was like...what the hell did you just say??
Why would you use that term?
Am I overly sensitive or is that totally not cool.
I mean, I don't even like the "n-word" and would never use it in public let alone use any other racial slur. She said this on the train and there were some Mexican dudes right across from us. I just kind of shrugged it off and changed the subject. Sol acted like it was nothing and I didn't want to ruin the night. Needless to say, it made me look at her funny....and Sol.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Make It Rain
The Friday before last, I caught a rare case of cabin fever and was determined to go out. It was my day off. I am young with no children/man to have a ball and chain and blah blah blah. I RSVP'd for my friend's rooftop party at the new W Aloft Downtown Brooklyn, threw on my sexy blue pencil skirt (the same blue pencil skirt that always gets me into trouble) and took a cab all the way there.
As I approached, I saw that the line was down the block.
OH HELLS NAWL.
I don't do lines. Although, I have not been privy to the NYC night life for a very long time - last summer aside- I can count on my hand the number of times, I've been out, I do know the right people who are willing to help me skip the line and skip the cover charge.
It pays to know people...mmmmkay.
Anyways, the promoter and I go way back to AP English in high school and I happily texted him to help a sister scoot the line...but there was no scooting as he did not have control of the security at his own party.
*blank stare*
Whilst on the line, I ran into a friend from college (errr- Sol) and her friend Cora who shared my sentiments about the line and knowing people. BBMs were sent, texts were received and off we were to Providence close to Columbus Circle.
We get to Providence, skip the line and the cover charge AND were hastily accepted into VIP where I met both of the celebrity DJ's that night and we were dancing and having a good time.
UNTIL my feet began to hurt.
*record scratch*
Anyone who has gone out with me knows that I will dance in my heels all day long but I am NEVER far from a flat shoe. Its against everything I hold dear in the world. Do you know these suckas made me (and company) check our flats in coat check before entering the venue?
Are you serious?
This is a rule made by the General Manager of Providence because he wants the club to have a sexiness which means...they don't let women in if they're not wearing heels and also these women are also not permitted to change into flats once in the club.
A MAN MADE THIS EFFIN RULE. and I wanted to stab him in the temple with my heel once I found out..much too late.
Anywhosies....I was trying to save face but my feet were killing me. Ever since I got the new gig, I haven't worn heels and so my feet were not used to the sensation.As we made our way to a different VIP that had seats, we were treated to a nice rendition of a hip hop video. That disgusting song..."You wanna see some ass. I want to see some cash. Make it rain trick...." came on and dude with 3 blinged out chains and long locs starting actually making it rain in the club. Ya'll know my face was like O.O then O.o. I was too proud to pick up the dollas he was throwing but my friends weren't. *forehead slap*
At least they shared. They gave me $8 and that was my taxi home.
The night was a bust for me. My friends are thin, leggy professional dancers and I felt fat and sweaty with my feet hurting me. I'm too (something) for the club. What that something is...I haven't a clue...but trust, I won't be going back...not unless its my birthday or some type of special shindig. I felt out of place. Where's a girl to go when she wants to cut a rug, though?
le sigh
(P.S. Shout out to whomever found my blog by searching for "mandingo" - I see you boo. lol)
(P.P.S. Sade, I tried to comment again on your blog...no go...what's your email address? Hit me at lifeisaficklepickle at gmail dot com)
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
What DE Hell?
I woke up this morning with a scratch in my throat. By the time I got to work it was a full-on cold. The pharmacist told me it wasn't a cold and to just take some sore throat drops. By the time I got home, I have a bitchin headache and a fever. I am no good sick (You guys know this). HELP!
Because I feel like poo...of course I canceled the date with DK. I can't have him seeing me with half-dazed eyes, runny nose and reduced to a child with silent pleadings...of HELP ME!
Its too early to expect him to take care of me.
Something is wrong with my fridge. My freezer is melting.I checked the thermostat...it works fine. I turned off the power from the fuse box and then turned it on...that's fine. All the food in it has gone bad...what can I do? I'm sick! AND I just went grocery shopping last week! My joint is fully stocked! *sigh*
I found out my grandmother is back in the hospital. She was sitting alone n the house for 2 days before her landlord found her and called an ambulance. How did he expect I would know? He didn't even have the courtesy to call me. Geez Louise. To be honest, I didn't even feel bad/sad/genuine concern. Just tired. I tell her to call me if she needs anything. When I call her she lies and says everything is fine. WTF??? I am not a mind-reader and that "I'm old and made so many mistakes that I deserve to be sad and rot away in my house" thing is TIRED...and so am I.
I left mad comments on everyone's blog and they didn't go through.
Oh, and the cherry on top is that my phone won't charge with the wall charger. It only charges from my computer. Why yes! This is the new phone I just got like a week ago. It literally takes 8 hours to charge fully from the computer and an hour to charge from the wall.
#Jesusbeatropicalislandandacolddrink
I feel like I just can't deal. I don't even wanna tell my mom/the landlord because all I'm gonna hear is how I don't give her any money and I expect a light in the hallway and working refrigerators. May the Lord strengthen me because its true...when it rains, it pours.
On ze bright side. rocky made me laugh today...i was walking him for about 20 minutes and then we got back to my house...he ran to the grass and just laid in it....his tongue sticking out like he was in heaven. He is such a joy to have around.
Because I feel like poo...of course I canceled the date with DK. I can't have him seeing me with half-dazed eyes, runny nose and reduced to a child with silent pleadings...of HELP ME!
Its too early to expect him to take care of me.
Something is wrong with my fridge. My freezer is melting.I checked the thermostat...it works fine. I turned off the power from the fuse box and then turned it on...that's fine. All the food in it has gone bad...what can I do? I'm sick! AND I just went grocery shopping last week! My joint is fully stocked! *sigh*
I found out my grandmother is back in the hospital. She was sitting alone n the house for 2 days before her landlord found her and called an ambulance. How did he expect I would know? He didn't even have the courtesy to call me. Geez Louise. To be honest, I didn't even feel bad/sad/genuine concern. Just tired. I tell her to call me if she needs anything. When I call her she lies and says everything is fine. WTF??? I am not a mind-reader and that "I'm old and made so many mistakes that I deserve to be sad and rot away in my house" thing is TIRED...and so am I.
I left mad comments on everyone's blog and they didn't go through.
Oh, and the cherry on top is that my phone won't charge with the wall charger. It only charges from my computer. Why yes! This is the new phone I just got like a week ago. It literally takes 8 hours to charge fully from the computer and an hour to charge from the wall.
#Jesusbeatropicalislandandacolddrink
I feel like I just can't deal. I don't even wanna tell my mom/the landlord because all I'm gonna hear is how I don't give her any money and I expect a light in the hallway and working refrigerators. May the Lord strengthen me because its true...when it rains, it pours.
On ze bright side. rocky made me laugh today...i was walking him for about 20 minutes and then we got back to my house...he ran to the grass and just laid in it....his tongue sticking out like he was in heaven. He is such a joy to have around.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
boo. hiss. boo.
Part of me doesn't want to talk about what I'm thinking/feeling right now but what else is new?
Half.com is the beez knees. I was shopping around for all 5/6 seasons of House on DVD. I LOVE THAT SHOW! Its so witty and smart and interesting.
Anywhosies, I bought the 1st season from Target on sale for $12 during Black Friday. Regular price is $45. I got season 2 from half.com for $10 including shipping. Sweet deal. The discs aren't in the case, they're wrapped in plastic but I inspected them and I didn't see any scratches on them and its the actual official DVD's. Anywho, I saw the envelope downstairs and I was opening it as I saw my mom and asked her a question. She was like, "Oh yea, I saw that for you. What is it?" I tell her and she's frowns. I say, "What?"
"House comes on TV."
"I bought it online for like 5 bucks...it was nothing."
She frowns.
"I can't spend $5 on a DVD of my favorite TV show?"
"No, you can't. Not when..."
I just walked away. She's really bugging. Especially when she just got 4 pairs of shoes in the mail with a closet full of shoes she doesn't wear...complaining about ends not meeting.
Whatever whatever...I mosey on over to Facebook to look at the profile pics that changed. 2 caught my eye...Mike Z - a guy I've had a crush on since junior year and Brother Wise. I could never step to Mike Z. I don't know why so I just gaze at him from afar. And...Brother Wise had a picture of him and his 2 brothers - clones of each other. CRAZY. I look further on his page and he commented on a friend's status. The friend said, "why do girls say they want a good man doesnt cheat or hit them then when one comes along they do that one wrong dont get women never will"
Wise commented saying, "That's because women are insane psychotic delusional liars. You ain't know? Smh"
Say what?!
I KNOW I shouldn't have taken it personally. Wise is going through some thangs with his baby's mother...BUT DAMN! It just took me back to a previous conversation with him when I told him flat out - I love you. We could be great together. He told me he felt as though women like the idea of him (eccentric afrocentric intelligent artist) more than to actually be with him and I broke down who I thought he was and was pretty in line with who he is...he then said, "I will be alone for the rest of my life. I don't want to even try."
He then went to a party, took a girl home and got her pregnant and now he's dealing with a crazy chick whom he probably had no intentions of seeing the next day. (If memory serves me correctly)
I saw that bullshit and I'm like...
You will be fucking alone you dick! Not because women are crazy but because YOU are crazy. You don't feel like you deserve love.You had a great girl (*ahem* ME)and you CHOSE to be alone. And that situation thart has you all jaded about women..ummm could've avoided it by umm...wearing a *bleeping* condom!
Jerk.
Half.com is the beez knees. I was shopping around for all 5/6 seasons of House on DVD. I LOVE THAT SHOW! Its so witty and smart and interesting.
Anywhosies, I bought the 1st season from Target on sale for $12 during Black Friday. Regular price is $45. I got season 2 from half.com for $10 including shipping. Sweet deal. The discs aren't in the case, they're wrapped in plastic but I inspected them and I didn't see any scratches on them and its the actual official DVD's. Anywho, I saw the envelope downstairs and I was opening it as I saw my mom and asked her a question. She was like, "Oh yea, I saw that for you. What is it?" I tell her and she's frowns. I say, "What?"
"House comes on TV."
"I bought it online for like 5 bucks...it was nothing."
She frowns.
"I can't spend $5 on a DVD of my favorite TV show?"
"No, you can't. Not when..."
I just walked away. She's really bugging. Especially when she just got 4 pairs of shoes in the mail with a closet full of shoes she doesn't wear...complaining about ends not meeting.
Whatever whatever...I mosey on over to Facebook to look at the profile pics that changed. 2 caught my eye...Mike Z - a guy I've had a crush on since junior year and Brother Wise. I could never step to Mike Z. I don't know why so I just gaze at him from afar. And...Brother Wise had a picture of him and his 2 brothers - clones of each other. CRAZY. I look further on his page and he commented on a friend's status. The friend said, "why do girls say they want a good man doesnt cheat or hit them then when one comes along they do that one wrong dont get women never will"
Wise commented saying, "That's because women are insane psychotic delusional liars. You ain't know? Smh"
Say what?!
I KNOW I shouldn't have taken it personally. Wise is going through some thangs with his baby's mother...BUT DAMN! It just took me back to a previous conversation with him when I told him flat out - I love you. We could be great together. He told me he felt as though women like the idea of him (eccentric afrocentric intelligent artist) more than to actually be with him and I broke down who I thought he was and was pretty in line with who he is...he then said, "I will be alone for the rest of my life. I don't want to even try."
He then went to a party, took a girl home and got her pregnant and now he's dealing with a crazy chick whom he probably had no intentions of seeing the next day. (If memory serves me correctly)
I saw that bullshit and I'm like...
You will be fucking alone you dick! Not because women are crazy but because YOU are crazy. You don't feel like you deserve love.You had a great girl (*ahem* ME)and you CHOSE to be alone. And that situation thart has you all jaded about women..ummm could've avoided it by umm...wearing a *bleeping* condom!
Jerk.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Weekend Round-Up
I need to stop talking to other dog-owners. They scare the be-jeezus out of you.
Yesterday, my neighbor who has a Pekingese told me I need to really watch out for Rocky while walking him in the neighborhood because our neighbor who had a maltese was walking her last summer - her dog got attacked by a pitbull that was off its chain. The pit took the maltese's head off. My other friend had a Yorkie who was attacked by a pit who latched on to the dog's neck and had lockjaw. The poor dog was thrown around so bad, he died. The same neighbor had another Pek that was attacked by a Rottweiler who took his eye out. And on and on the stories go about cutesy little dogs that get attacked by bigger dogs while being walked.
The one about the dog that got her head taken off gave me nightmares last night. I love Rocky like my child. And then, this morning on our walk, I tied Rocky's leash to the fence outside the store to get a tea and a muffin. I would be in an out in 3 minutes. I was in the store for 2 minutes when a man came in and said, "Miss, your dog is free," and there Rocky was at the door licking the man's shoes. .
This little dog pushed his head through his collar. The man was like, "Yes, I watched him as soon as you tied him up. He was fighting boy!" I thanked him thinking about all the scenarios that could've happened. The Good Samaritan could've just scooped Rocky up without a second thought. Rocky could've run into the street. Another dog could've gotten to him....all these things. I hit Rocky 3 times saying "Bad DOG!" I was so pissed! (and a little embarrassed)
When we got home, I said, "I'm angry with you. Leave me alone." He surely did walk into the other room. 15 minutes later, he tried to smooth things over with a game of fetch. "No, I'm still mad." He went and played by himself. (I don't think he can really understand me. I think dogs can feel energy.)
------------------- BFF called me Saturday afternoon as I was meeting up with her mom and other bestie Toni to do some baby shower shopping. I told her I was on my way to Target and if she wanted to she could come by later. I was frying fish.
The Punjabi mess hasn't been straightened out really. He bought her a car. He's been spending a lot more time with her but she says he's been causing a lot of anxiety because he still hasn't told his mom about her being pregnant and she's worried about how his family will accept her and the baby. She wants to take a break from him. To soothe her melancholy, I told her to come over. We'd watch a movie. I'd feed her. All would be right with the world. Also, Twin was coming over to play with Rocky...he's good at making people laugh.
As me, Twin, Toni and BFF's mom are in the car on the way home. Toni was talking about her dog, Diva nonstop. Then she said, "I'm surprised you got a dog. I thought you didn't like pets. I thought you threw your cat out the window. That's what BFF told me." My face was hot. WHY THE FUCK would BFF tell her that and if she did, WHY would Toni repeat it? I denied it for the sake of her mom and made a mental note to smack BFF when I saw her. I did throw the cat out the window. Afroman and I had just broke up. I found out he left me for his ex and moved upstate to be with her. I had the flu. The cat hated me and only liked Afroman. She was always pooping in the bathtub. I was allergic to her and itchy eyes really just added to the misery I was in. I took it out on her and its not like I live up really high. I live on the 2nd floor. I threw her out in the backyard where it was grassy and she came back the next day.
I got home and started frying up the fish and called BFF to come over. She said she would be on her way. About 15 minutes later, I hear Toni's loud ass mouth. "NINA! NINA!" screaming my name in my hallway not sure which apartment was mine. Not only did she bring her Yorkie, but she also brought Aidan, BFF's cousin. I was even more pissed! BFF was in the car talking to Punjabi. I really hate when people bring others without consulting you to see if its okay first. I was so annoyed. One, because Toni talks non-stop and two, I had a house full of people and wasn't really prepared.
My mom always taught me to always plan for more especially when you're cooking because you never know who will show up for dinner. Thankfully, I had enough for 5 when I only planned for 2. (BFF added at the last minute.) I pulled her to the side when she finally came upstairs. "The least you could've done was text me that you were bringing other people." "I'm sorry. I was busy texting Punjabi." "Whatever." Ohhhhhhhhh. If I could slap a pregnant woman, I would!
My quiet Saturday night was anything but with Toni's dog barking at Rocky anytime he got near her. He's a pup, he wants to play. Finally, Rocky started barking back. Then, Aidan pissed me off with a side remark about Jesus. We were trying to get a wine bottle open. He was like, "Why do we need wine? We could drink water?" I said, "Jesus turned water into wine. Its the next best thing." Toni said, "Amen. Hallelujah. Fill my glass." Aidan gets all serious and says..."Don't believe that shit white people tell you. That story is bullshit." He was about to get worked up when I looked him in the eye and said, "Enough."
Believe what you want but don't disrespect what I believe..especially in my own damn house!Aidan is so weird! This is the same guy that was a Jesus-fanatic last year. Dude is so lost! I cut him some slack. His dad died about a month ago.
The night went on and when the movie went off at 10:30, I politely kicked everyone out. I had enough of Toni's loud mouth, Diva barking, Rocky trying to hump people and playing hostess when I thought it would be just me and 2 close friends.
Aidan said, "Are you really kicking us out?" I just smiled.
I'd been up since 8. 2 hours of dance rehearsal, 3 hours of baby shower shopping, traveling all over Brooklyn, and cooking tallied up to way too many hours on my feet.
Yes. I sure was.
Sunday was uneventful except for the guilt I felt missing church.
Anywhosies...it was a great weekend but I'm still trying to get the fish smell out of my house. I'm about to boil some cinnamon.
Yesterday, my neighbor who has a Pekingese told me I need to really watch out for Rocky while walking him in the neighborhood because our neighbor who had a maltese was walking her last summer - her dog got attacked by a pitbull that was off its chain. The pit took the maltese's head off. My other friend had a Yorkie who was attacked by a pit who latched on to the dog's neck and had lockjaw. The poor dog was thrown around so bad, he died. The same neighbor had another Pek that was attacked by a Rottweiler who took his eye out. And on and on the stories go about cutesy little dogs that get attacked by bigger dogs while being walked.
The one about the dog that got her head taken off gave me nightmares last night. I love Rocky like my child. And then, this morning on our walk, I tied Rocky's leash to the fence outside the store to get a tea and a muffin. I would be in an out in 3 minutes. I was in the store for 2 minutes when a man came in and said, "Miss, your dog is free," and there Rocky was at the door licking the man's shoes. .
This little dog pushed his head through his collar. The man was like, "Yes, I watched him as soon as you tied him up. He was fighting boy!" I thanked him thinking about all the scenarios that could've happened. The Good Samaritan could've just scooped Rocky up without a second thought. Rocky could've run into the street. Another dog could've gotten to him....all these things. I hit Rocky 3 times saying "Bad DOG!" I was so pissed! (and a little embarrassed)
When we got home, I said, "I'm angry with you. Leave me alone." He surely did walk into the other room. 15 minutes later, he tried to smooth things over with a game of fetch. "No, I'm still mad." He went and played by himself. (I don't think he can really understand me. I think dogs can feel energy.)
------------------- BFF called me Saturday afternoon as I was meeting up with her mom and other bestie Toni to do some baby shower shopping. I told her I was on my way to Target and if she wanted to she could come by later. I was frying fish.
The Punjabi mess hasn't been straightened out really. He bought her a car. He's been spending a lot more time with her but she says he's been causing a lot of anxiety because he still hasn't told his mom about her being pregnant and she's worried about how his family will accept her and the baby. She wants to take a break from him. To soothe her melancholy, I told her to come over. We'd watch a movie. I'd feed her. All would be right with the world. Also, Twin was coming over to play with Rocky...he's good at making people laugh.
As me, Twin, Toni and BFF's mom are in the car on the way home. Toni was talking about her dog, Diva nonstop. Then she said, "I'm surprised you got a dog. I thought you didn't like pets. I thought you threw your cat out the window. That's what BFF told me." My face was hot. WHY THE FUCK would BFF tell her that and if she did, WHY would Toni repeat it? I denied it for the sake of her mom and made a mental note to smack BFF when I saw her. I did throw the cat out the window. Afroman and I had just broke up. I found out he left me for his ex and moved upstate to be with her. I had the flu. The cat hated me and only liked Afroman. She was always pooping in the bathtub. I was allergic to her and itchy eyes really just added to the misery I was in. I took it out on her and its not like I live up really high. I live on the 2nd floor. I threw her out in the backyard where it was grassy and she came back the next day.
I got home and started frying up the fish and called BFF to come over. She said she would be on her way. About 15 minutes later, I hear Toni's loud ass mouth. "NINA! NINA!" screaming my name in my hallway not sure which apartment was mine. Not only did she bring her Yorkie, but she also brought Aidan, BFF's cousin. I was even more pissed! BFF was in the car talking to Punjabi. I really hate when people bring others without consulting you to see if its okay first. I was so annoyed. One, because Toni talks non-stop and two, I had a house full of people and wasn't really prepared.
My mom always taught me to always plan for more especially when you're cooking because you never know who will show up for dinner. Thankfully, I had enough for 5 when I only planned for 2. (BFF added at the last minute.) I pulled her to the side when she finally came upstairs. "The least you could've done was text me that you were bringing other people." "I'm sorry. I was busy texting Punjabi." "Whatever." Ohhhhhhhhh. If I could slap a pregnant woman, I would!
My quiet Saturday night was anything but with Toni's dog barking at Rocky anytime he got near her. He's a pup, he wants to play. Finally, Rocky started barking back. Then, Aidan pissed me off with a side remark about Jesus. We were trying to get a wine bottle open. He was like, "Why do we need wine? We could drink water?" I said, "Jesus turned water into wine. Its the next best thing." Toni said, "Amen. Hallelujah. Fill my glass." Aidan gets all serious and says..."Don't believe that shit white people tell you. That story is bullshit." He was about to get worked up when I looked him in the eye and said, "Enough."
Believe what you want but don't disrespect what I believe..especially in my own damn house!Aidan is so weird! This is the same guy that was a Jesus-fanatic last year. Dude is so lost! I cut him some slack. His dad died about a month ago.
The night went on and when the movie went off at 10:30, I politely kicked everyone out. I had enough of Toni's loud mouth, Diva barking, Rocky trying to hump people and playing hostess when I thought it would be just me and 2 close friends.
Aidan said, "Are you really kicking us out?" I just smiled.
I'd been up since 8. 2 hours of dance rehearsal, 3 hours of baby shower shopping, traveling all over Brooklyn, and cooking tallied up to way too many hours on my feet.
Yes. I sure was.
Sunday was uneventful except for the guilt I felt missing church.
Anywhosies...it was a great weekend but I'm still trying to get the fish smell out of my house. I'm about to boil some cinnamon.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
gin + grease
Before I went to bed, I told myself “No church tomorrow!” and I meant it. I woke up at 10:30 am today craving white wine mimosas and pancakes. I called Editor and requested brunch. She told me she had an interview at 12 and that she could meet me at 2. I told her to tell herself she was meeting me at 1:30. We both laughed.
After we hung up, BFF called me. Punjabi’s live-in gf was blowing up her phone from Punjabi’s phone and from her own phone, leaving angry voicemails and texts – really upsetting her. She was convinced the girl was going to come over to her house with a gun and blow her away- Joey Buttafuco style. I calmed her down as Editor called me to tell me she was getting on the train. (Logistics: It was 1:30 at the time of the call. It takes 25 minutes to get from where she is to where we were going. It takes me 40 minutes to get there. I was still in undies when she called.) I told her I was running (quote unquote) a few minutes late. She said it was fine.
Cute outfit secured complete with sky high lace-up wedge heels that make me feel bad ass and I’m sitting at the bar looking stupid waiting. By the grace of The Almighty, I was there at 2:15. I waited 15 minutes and started calling and leaving messages.
It was 2:45 when she called.
“We are at the train”
(in my head) Who is we?
I foolishly thought she meant she was at the train station at the place where we were meeting. I was wrong. She was still in HARLEM. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat the eff?
At 3:30, she’s strolling with the magazine’s videographer. I thought I would be able to brush it off and seriously, those pancakes and mimosas were calling my name. As soon as I saw her, my cheeks flushed. I was LIVID.
Where were you? Why are you so late? I’ve been waiting for an hour and 15 minutes for you!
I didn’t know what time you were going to be here. I didn’t think it was such a big deal.
I told you I was going to be a few minutes late. Instead of 2pm, I was here at 2:15. What the fuck?
I’m sorry.
Videographer : Blame me. Its my fault.
(I don’t even look at him) Y’know, Editor, every time we’re supposed to meet up, you’re at least an hour late. Is that fair to me and my time?
She has the look of a deer caught in headlights.
I’m leaving. I really don’t want to scream at you in the street.
You’re what?! I came down here just for you.
I’m leaving. I can’t even look at you.
I really wanted to add a well-placed “Fuck off” – its my curse-phrase of choice…instead me and my sky-high wedges walked off in a huff. I thanked God for keeping my balance in those things because I’m very clumsy and I fall. That would’ve been horrible timing – falling in the midst of your huff walk.
I was so pissed I was shaking. I’m so done with situations like that. Seriously, I should’ve stayed true to my 15 minute rule…but honestly, I paid the money to get on the train. I didn’t want it to be in vain. By giving Editor the courtesy of letting her know I was running late, I opened the door for her inconsideration. I’m so done. I could’ve hit her.
I took the train to be with BFF. By the time I got there, Punjabi’s live-in called numerous times. BFF answered.
BASICALLY…Punjabi told her he wanted to have fun – that was his reason for WANTING to break up. They’re not broken up. Live-in was upset that Punjabi had never mentioned her and she had no inclination that he was cheating steadily for 2 years. She also wanted to know where/how they meet up because he’s home in the bed with her every night. She said “Oh, he only goes to your house and meets you in his car. Nowhere public?” BFF felt like a whore. She didn’t tell Live-in about the baby on the way.
Lawd.
BFF fixed me and Toni Childs (her other bff) some gin and orange juice. We laughed. We almost cried about it. We invoked the name of Jesus to try and smack some sense into the girl.
No dice.
I asked… “What happens in 15 years if you choose to stay with him and you’re the one calling some 25 year old girl about your man?”
Scary stuff.
We ordered a pizza and watched Eat.Pray.Love and felt all warm and fuzzy inside. On my way home, I rubbed my eyes. I wore minimal makeup..just some mascara and lipstick. I smudged my mascara so bad that it looked like someone punched me in the eye. Also, a stray cat stalked me at the bus stop. I was standing there and it was standing there looking up at me. I moved, it followed. I moved again. It followed.
Creepy.
After we hung up, BFF called me. Punjabi’s live-in gf was blowing up her phone from Punjabi’s phone and from her own phone, leaving angry voicemails and texts – really upsetting her. She was convinced the girl was going to come over to her house with a gun and blow her away- Joey Buttafuco style. I calmed her down as Editor called me to tell me she was getting on the train. (Logistics: It was 1:30 at the time of the call. It takes 25 minutes to get from where she is to where we were going. It takes me 40 minutes to get there. I was still in undies when she called.) I told her I was running (quote unquote) a few minutes late. She said it was fine.
Cute outfit secured complete with sky high lace-up wedge heels that make me feel bad ass and I’m sitting at the bar looking stupid waiting. By the grace of The Almighty, I was there at 2:15. I waited 15 minutes and started calling and leaving messages.
It was 2:45 when she called.
“We are at the train”
(in my head) Who is we?
I foolishly thought she meant she was at the train station at the place where we were meeting. I was wrong. She was still in HARLEM. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat the eff?
At 3:30, she’s strolling with the magazine’s videographer. I thought I would be able to brush it off and seriously, those pancakes and mimosas were calling my name. As soon as I saw her, my cheeks flushed. I was LIVID.
Where were you? Why are you so late? I’ve been waiting for an hour and 15 minutes for you!
I didn’t know what time you were going to be here. I didn’t think it was such a big deal.
I told you I was going to be a few minutes late. Instead of 2pm, I was here at 2:15. What the fuck?
I’m sorry.
Videographer : Blame me. Its my fault.
(I don’t even look at him) Y’know, Editor, every time we’re supposed to meet up, you’re at least an hour late. Is that fair to me and my time?
She has the look of a deer caught in headlights.
I’m leaving. I really don’t want to scream at you in the street.
You’re what?! I came down here just for you.
I’m leaving. I can’t even look at you.
I really wanted to add a well-placed “Fuck off” – its my curse-phrase of choice…instead me and my sky-high wedges walked off in a huff. I thanked God for keeping my balance in those things because I’m very clumsy and I fall. That would’ve been horrible timing – falling in the midst of your huff walk.
I was so pissed I was shaking. I’m so done with situations like that. Seriously, I should’ve stayed true to my 15 minute rule…but honestly, I paid the money to get on the train. I didn’t want it to be in vain. By giving Editor the courtesy of letting her know I was running late, I opened the door for her inconsideration. I’m so done. I could’ve hit her.
I took the train to be with BFF. By the time I got there, Punjabi’s live-in called numerous times. BFF answered.
BASICALLY…Punjabi told her he wanted to have fun – that was his reason for WANTING to break up. They’re not broken up. Live-in was upset that Punjabi had never mentioned her and she had no inclination that he was cheating steadily for 2 years. She also wanted to know where/how they meet up because he’s home in the bed with her every night. She said “Oh, he only goes to your house and meets you in his car. Nowhere public?” BFF felt like a whore. She didn’t tell Live-in about the baby on the way.
Lawd.
BFF fixed me and Toni Childs (her other bff) some gin and orange juice. We laughed. We almost cried about it. We invoked the name of Jesus to try and smack some sense into the girl.
No dice.
I asked… “What happens in 15 years if you choose to stay with him and you’re the one calling some 25 year old girl about your man?”
Scary stuff.
We ordered a pizza and watched Eat.Pray.Love and felt all warm and fuzzy inside. On my way home, I rubbed my eyes. I wore minimal makeup..just some mascara and lipstick. I smudged my mascara so bad that it looked like someone punched me in the eye. Also, a stray cat stalked me at the bus stop. I was standing there and it was standing there looking up at me. I moved, it followed. I moved again. It followed.
Creepy.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
motherless child
I called my mom today to tell her what's been going on with me and how I'm feeling. We spent 2:27 on the phone before she rushed me off. The first half of the conversation was about something else. She asked me, "How are you?" and I told her. I don't think she was expecting that and so when I told her, she asked me some questions and then was like..."Ok, ok, keep me posted, ok bye."
What the fuck was so important that I couldn't get FIVE MINUTES of your time?
I started crying. I just felt so alone.
(If you don't know)
My biological mom died when I was 3. My dad re-married 3 months later. My dad died when i was 13. Yes, I notice all the 3's, trust me...23 was a scary year...lol. Basically, that's the only mother I know but our relationship has been strained ever since I hit puberty and decided that hey...maybe I could be my own person.
So...I text BFF
Me:Just told mom abt the aches and our conversation lasted 2:27. Like damn..she rushed me off the phone.
BFF: Damn, what's up with that?
Me: Idk...smh..*shrug* I'm a fuckin orphan. Plain and simple.
BFF: Don't say that shit.
Me: Its true. Its ok. I've felt this way since I hit puberty. Just first time you heard me say it. No worries
BFF: No its not. Do you really believe that?
Me: Why do you think I work so hard all the time? why do you think I never ask her for anything, ever? She didn't even know I was sick this weekend.
BFF: I mean I know y'all have a disconnect and sometimes she be tripping but do you really believe you mean nothing to her?
Me: Idk. Forget I mentioned it.
BFF: Sigh. Not something I can really forget.
Me: You just accept that some relationships are built on obligation more than love. Sometimes love is expressed diff by diff people people. Some people measure love by how reliable u are when they're in trouble. Some people only measure love by the things you give them.
BFF: Hmmm. I don't know what to say.
Me: Nothing to say. Time will tell I guess.
BFF: I guess.
Me: Some things are too broken to fix. Like, seriously, BFF when i was sick that last big time, she couldn't even walk up 1 flight of stairs to check on me. Who nursed me back to the land of the living? YOU. When you weren't here, I was ALONE. (**I was sick in 2007...in the bed for about 10/12 days with the flu. It was bad**)
BFF: I'm sorry, Ni. I just feel helpless. I really don't know what to say in her defense. Usually I'm in her ass when I feel she doesn't do right by you but I'm just kinda disgusted by what you're saying.
Me: No worries. I'm fine :) I just needed to vent. I keep certain things locked away bc I don't want people to look at her funny.
BFF: Its not you that's disgusting me, its that I'm harsh. You usually defend her but now you smashing her and kinda taken away any defense she could possibly have.
Me: It doesn't matter anymore. I'm tired. I don't want to talk about it anymore
BFF: Its not about her. Its about you. I'm gonna be mean or nasty to her. And what she does doesn't affect me. It affects you and you are my business. We'll talk whenever you want to homie. Get some rest and drink some water.
Posts from when I was sick in 2007.
The Beginning
A Week Later
The End
What the fuck was so important that I couldn't get FIVE MINUTES of your time?
I started crying. I just felt so alone.
(If you don't know)
My biological mom died when I was 3. My dad re-married 3 months later. My dad died when i was 13. Yes, I notice all the 3's, trust me...23 was a scary year...lol. Basically, that's the only mother I know but our relationship has been strained ever since I hit puberty and decided that hey...maybe I could be my own person.
So...I text BFF
Me:Just told mom abt the aches and our conversation lasted 2:27. Like damn..she rushed me off the phone.
BFF: Damn, what's up with that?
Me: Idk...smh..*shrug* I'm a fuckin orphan. Plain and simple.
BFF: Don't say that shit.
Me: Its true. Its ok. I've felt this way since I hit puberty. Just first time you heard me say it. No worries
BFF: No its not. Do you really believe that?
Me: Why do you think I work so hard all the time? why do you think I never ask her for anything, ever? She didn't even know I was sick this weekend.
BFF: I mean I know y'all have a disconnect and sometimes she be tripping but do you really believe you mean nothing to her?
Me: Idk. Forget I mentioned it.
BFF: Sigh. Not something I can really forget.
Me: You just accept that some relationships are built on obligation more than love. Sometimes love is expressed diff by diff people people. Some people measure love by how reliable u are when they're in trouble. Some people only measure love by the things you give them.
BFF: Hmmm. I don't know what to say.
Me: Nothing to say. Time will tell I guess.
BFF: I guess.
Me: Some things are too broken to fix. Like, seriously, BFF when i was sick that last big time, she couldn't even walk up 1 flight of stairs to check on me. Who nursed me back to the land of the living? YOU. When you weren't here, I was ALONE. (**I was sick in 2007...in the bed for about 10/12 days with the flu. It was bad**)
BFF: I'm sorry, Ni. I just feel helpless. I really don't know what to say in her defense. Usually I'm in her ass when I feel she doesn't do right by you but I'm just kinda disgusted by what you're saying.
Me: No worries. I'm fine :) I just needed to vent. I keep certain things locked away bc I don't want people to look at her funny.
BFF: Its not you that's disgusting me, its that I'm harsh. You usually defend her but now you smashing her and kinda taken away any defense she could possibly have.
Me: It doesn't matter anymore. I'm tired. I don't want to talk about it anymore
BFF: Its not about her. Its about you. I'm gonna be mean or nasty to her. And what she does doesn't affect me. It affects you and you are my business. We'll talk whenever you want to homie. Get some rest and drink some water.
Posts from when I was sick in 2007.
The Beginning
A Week Later
The End
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Dear Anonymous,
Eff off!!
I'm sorry for those who do not have Google Accounts and like to post comments....there are people who leave me spam comments about Vi.agra and such every single day to the point where it was getting ridiculous. Which means, you must have a Google Account/Open ID to leave me a comment. I like to welcome everyone to comment on my stuff....but people use and abuse.
Bella, I'm sorry. I hope you can still comment....
Thank you all for reading.
Carry on, folks.
I'm sorry for those who do not have Google Accounts and like to post comments....there are people who leave me spam comments about Vi.agra and such every single day to the point where it was getting ridiculous. Which means, you must have a Google Account/Open ID to leave me a comment. I like to welcome everyone to comment on my stuff....but people use and abuse.
Bella, I'm sorry. I hope you can still comment....
Thank you all for reading.
Carry on, folks.
Friday, August 24, 2007
My day started off just dandy...
I got home at around 3:40 this morning to a stinky house, a cat who not only drug the mop in the middle of the living room floor where I almost fell over it and who left me poo in the bathtub (again!), dishes that are now attracting flies, a bedroom that has clothes all over, and other deliciousness. I e-mailed my boss to expect me in 3 hours later than usual and tried to fall asleep to Gypsy's incessant meows. She would meow and then walk me to her litter box as if to say change it please...its hurting MY nostrils. I finally crashed at around 4:15ish.
I woke up at around noon to the same meow-ing cat. More shit in the bathtub (I hit her this time. If that makes me a bad cat owner, I'm sorry. I'm almost out of bleach and being on ur hands and knees bleaching the bathtub the 1st thing in the morning does not bring out the sunshine in my life)I'm seriously thinking about giving her away. *sigh*
I feel like a fuckin failure.
While rushing to get out the door, I broke my favorite mirror and lost one of my favorite earrings.Just great.
I woke up at around noon to the same meow-ing cat. More shit in the bathtub (I hit her this time. If that makes me a bad cat owner, I'm sorry. I'm almost out of bleach and being on ur hands and knees bleaching the bathtub the 1st thing in the morning does not bring out the sunshine in my life)I'm seriously thinking about giving her away. *sigh*
I feel like a fuckin failure.
While rushing to get out the door, I broke my favorite mirror and lost one of my favorite earrings.Just great.
Pain
As soon as my head hit the pillow at Twin's house the tell-tale throbbing in my two front teeth started. Oh no, its back Wisdom tooth hell. I never got the tooth pulled because I can't afford it. Life is just oh so fair that way. The pain in my mouth had me contemplating whether or not I should take a hammer or pliers to my tooth OR maybe I should slit my wrists instead.
O
M
G
The fucking agony!I lay writing back and forth while Twin slept semi-peacefully next to me. He has no painkillers! Can you believe it! None.I finally called a car service and booked it home. At least there, I can cry like a baby with some dignity.
In the middle of this fiasco, I see that I've missed a phone call from the stepmother in which she left a voicemail. Seems as if possibly my neighbor's been ratting me out about my guest list aka Afroman.Voicemail said:"There is a reason why you keep getting voicemails like this. If I catch Afroman leaving after the Sun rises, I will take the apartment away from you." Blah blah bullshit.Mind you, after the changing the locks conflama I really feel like giving her a good piece of my mind. Perhaps, its the only piece I have left. If anyone has any good suggestions on how to handle this...it'd be greatly appreciated.
Thanks....
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
WTF NYC?
Black man on the train rambling for the entire 45 minute commute about how nice he is. Cursing at some dude for stepping on his sneakers. Then, telling two scared white women about how the man is not even tough enough to beat him. How men don't need women because they're not as stong as him and yada yada I'm crazy talk.
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