Wednesdsay, Trini text me some really freaky stuff as he was getting off of work and I was going in.
That opened the door for me to have a difficult conversation with him that I'd been wanting to all along.
"I'm not feeling satisfied sexually with you. I know it might just be the whole bleeding thing but I just have to know."
"What's the problem?"
"I want you to go down on me."
"I don't do that."
"You don't eat pussy?"
"I have before. It's just not my thing...but I love being sucked off. It's my favorite thing in the world."
"So you should understand why I would want you to go down on me."
"Yes but I hate it."
"Sucking dick isn't that fun for me."
"Yes, but do you hate it?"
"No, but it isn't my favorite thing to do but I do it because it pleases you. Maybe you should do it to please me."
"Mmmm...I'm thinking about you sucking me off right now."
Friday night, I was feeling really "bothered." So, I text Trini to see what he was doing. He was hosting a poker party for his friends in hopes to make a little extra money.
I told him how I was feeling and he was like....tell me what you would want me to do to you.
The first thing I said was go down on me and then I proceeded with exact positions and such.
He says, "Oh, I'll definitely give you the D." - and glazed over the other stuff that I said.
Saturday night, Trini and I agreed to meet up. I would spend the night and he would take me home in the morning on his way to work. I came over in sweats, no makeup and no hair. It was may-jor. He actually liked it. He said I looked very different but essentially, I'm beautiful with or without it. We watched Poetic Justice on BET. In the middle of it, he muted the movie and turned on some music and was like "Dance for me."
So I did my lil strip tease. We passionately kissed. He started biting my neck and sucking on my breasts and going further down so in my head, I'm like YES!!! He takes off my panties. YES! And he puts on a condom and starts penetration.
It was more like a Yes than a YES.
All of a sudden, he stops and is like..."suck me off."
We try again. Different position. He stops.
At first, I thought I was bleeding. Nope. Flaccid.
He blames the condom. Its too tight. He gets another.
We're good. We're good. He stops.
In my mind...I'm like WTF!!!!
"Your pussy is so tight and this condom is tight too. I feel like my dick is choking."
He gets up. He's talking to himself. Nothing is working.
"What do you want me to do?" He means, the alternative is to go without the condom and I'm not with that. So he just got off with a handjob.
I was pissed.
Literally in the past 5 years, I've had sex maybe a handful of times. I thought this was going to be my way back in. The situation was set up perfectly. He was emotionally unavailable and I was emotionally detached. Even if he didn't have all his baggage, it wouldn't work out between us so there was no way I could fathom in my mind a relationship past something sexual but he was not performing his main function.
At least we could cuddle.
"I'm going to finish watching Poetic Justice."
"Really? I just want to go to bed"
"Ok, I'll be there in a few minutes."
About 10 minutes pass. His phone rings.