Buh-Bye Pt 2 (Finally!)

He answers it. (!!!)
He agrees to let his cousins come over. (!!!!!)
They do and bring food. He then proceeds to have a loud ass conversation with them about random dumb shit.
I feel uneasy about it.
I leave.

I proceed to curse him out via text.
He doesn't know why I'm upset.

Firstly, we just had wack ass sex and then you smoke a joint, fall asleep in another room and then let your cousins come over. I'm supposed to feel secure in a house by myself with 4 dudes, 3 of whom I couldn't pick out of a lineup. Right.

I tell him I don't want to see him anymore.

The next day, he texted me 'Good Morning.' I replied with the same.

I went to brunch with my friend JG and I tell him the whole story. He's like why the fuck did you text him some pleasantries. You should cursed him out again. He's probably thinkin you're not serious.
So, I emailed him why I don't want to see him anymore.

The first of which was that he somehow tricked some woman into marrying him although he doesn't eat pussy and that is a deal-breaker for me. Then, his erectile dysfunction. And lastly...the wack shit of having a spontaneous party after that wack ass sex.

I told him....
"If we are supposed to have a strictly sexual relationship and the sex is far from satisfying, what's the point?"

After this whole diatribe from me ..this fool says..."You don't have the right to tell me who can come to my house and when. We never had a relationship. We had a friendship."

A friendship is not a type of relationship.

Which proves he's a fucking idiot and he never shoul have gotten the panties.

Ugh!

Buh-Bye

!!!!!!!!!!NSFW!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesdsay, Trini text me some really freaky stuff as he was getting off of work and I was going in.
That opened the door for me to have a difficult conversation with him that I'd been wanting to all along.

"I'm not feeling satisfied sexually with you. I know it might just be the whole bleeding thing but I just have to know."

"What's the problem?"

"I want you to go down on me."

"I don't do that."

"You don't eat pussy?"

"I have before. It's just not my thing...but I love being sucked off. It's my favorite thing in the world."

"So you should understand why I would want you to go down on me."

"Yes but I hate it."

"Sucking dick isn't that fun for me."

"Yes, but do you hate it?"

"No, but it isn't my favorite thing to do but I do it because it pleases you. Maybe you should do it to please me."

"Mmmm...I'm thinking about you sucking me off right now."

*sigh*

>>>>>>>>

Friday night, I was feeling really "bothered." So, I text Trini to see what he was doing. He was hosting a poker party for his friends in hopes to make a little extra money.

I told him how I was feeling and he was like....tell me what you would want me to do to you.
The first thing I said was go down on me and then I proceeded with exact positions and such.

He says, "Oh, I'll definitely give you the D." - and glazed over the other stuff that I said.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Saturday night, Trini and I agreed to meet up. I would spend the night and he would take me home in the morning on his way to work. I came over in sweats, no makeup and no hair. It was may-jor. He actually liked it. He said I looked very different but essentially, I'm beautiful with or without it. We watched Poetic Justice on BET. In the middle of it, he muted the movie and turned on some music and was like "Dance for me."

So I did my lil strip tease. We passionately kissed. He started biting my neck and sucking on my breasts and going further down so in my head, I'm like YES!!! He takes off my panties. YES! And he puts on a condom and starts penetration.

It was more like a Yes than a YES.

All of a sudden, he stops and is like..."suck me off."

He's flaccid.

Oy.

We try again. Different position. He stops.

At first, I thought I was bleeding. Nope. Flaccid.

He blames the condom. Its too tight. He gets another.

We're good. We're good. He stops.

In my mind...I'm like WTF!!!!

"Your pussy is so tight and this condom is tight too. I feel like my dick is choking."

He gets up. He's talking to himself. Nothing is working.

"What do you want me to do?"  He means, the alternative is to go without the condom and I'm not with that.  So he just got off with a handjob.

I was pissed.

Literally in the past 5 years, I've had sex maybe a handful of times. I thought this was going to be my way back in. The situation was set up perfectly. He was emotionally unavailable and I was emotionally detached. Even if he didn't have all his baggage, it wouldn't work out between us so there was no way I could fathom in my mind a relationship past something sexual but he was not performing his main function.

At least we could cuddle.

"I'm going to finish watching Poetic Justice."

"Really? I just want to go to bed"

"Ok, I'll be there in a few minutes."

About 10 minutes pass. His phone rings.

Yikes!

Every time I sit down and say, "Ok, today, I will blog;" my eyelids get heavy and it feels like the weight of my day begins to weigh heavily on me.

Let me see if I can update you on my life as best as I can:

Men
Trini and I have had sex twice. Oh, yes, I'm a little minx. Mainly, schedule conflicts keep us off of each other and some other issues have me recently wanting to be hands off.
Sex with Trini is awesome. He knows what he's doing and he does it well....but....I have been having some bleeding issues. As in, I start to bleed when he's penetrating me. Soooooo...that puts a real downer on things. He was turned-off. I was worried. I went to the doctor. Side note: Waiting for the genitals doctor, they play those awful videos about HIV. The one that struck me the most was the lady who was living with her boyfriend for 4 years and she went to the doctor for a routine check-up and they did an HIV test and it came back positive. She had to work up the courage to tell her boyfriend and he said that he had AIDS for 8 years. I get tested before and after every partner and usually, I get tested on December 1st (World AIDS Day) and I always use condoms and such but I was SHOOK. Condoms break, tests fail, et cetera....but of course, I was negative. All other STD tests were negative but a Pap smear was done. My cervix was red. The doctor said it could just be irritated from the friction and is 90% sure its not an STD. And umm...the doctor was BFF's mom. BFF's mom studied at Northwestern and Columbia and has been practicing medicine for my entire life. It was weird at first to drop trou...but she was super gentle quick and gave me a hug after. So, I've been dragging my feet a bit to have sex with Trini now because if I start bleeding again, it would just be SOOOOOO draining! It's enough for me to not want to be celibate anymore.

Speaking of Trini....
Yesterday, I called him randomly during the course of my day.
Me: Hey boo. What are you up to?
Trini: Just leaving therapy.
Me: Therapy?
Trini: Yes. we're in marriage counseling.

I swear all of the air left my body as I heard that. I understand why he's in marriage counseling. No one wants to be divorced. As he told me, she got everything in the settlement of the divorce. It has been difficult and he doesn't want to not be married but....DAMN! So, yes...part of me...was like RUN Nina. Run for your life! The other part was like...at least he's honest. Most dudes would gas you and make you think things are one way but they are totally different and then drop you once they have what they want.

Oy! I'm a little disappointed but I already knew what I was getting myself into so I should really just buck up and find someone else which brings me to....

Stark. Not sure if its even worth mentioning but I met this dude online. He talked the talk boyyyyy. he was so cute and funny, snarky and witty. He totally decided to fall off thef ace of the Earth. Part of me is like...he's not the man for you if he did thart but ugh...imagine if you founf someone you click with in most ways and then boom...he drops you. I'm super sick of dating. I just want God to reveal my husband to me in a dream or something.

Guess who's bzack?? DK!
Posts on DK

He invited me to dinner which ended with me kissing him so passionately, he got a hard-on and wanted to come back home with me. What can I say? I am an amazing kisser. LOL
I don't sleep with more than one person at a time, so I said no. We've been texting back and forth. Its been really casual. I used to be really into him. Now I'm like "meh."

I just need some fresh meat.

Trouble

There is an awkward moment when you want to tell a story on your blog and you can't because you haven't blogged in a while and there's a backstory and you have to get through that before you can get to what you really want to say and you kick yourself for not blogging when you should have.

And you just go...

FUCK! ME!

There is also a moment after you have been celibate for over a year where you question your actions, your sincerity for Jesus and why you're voluntarily running away from the peen.

You repeatedly ask yourself...What is wrong with you?

You don't really think about sex besides it being a foreign concept once you possibly find someone you could sex it up with but that seems far off until you meet someone like...Trini.

Can I say that I am super proud of myself for not being a whore and smanging him yet.....although, if it were under my control, I'd have sexed him last weekend and will sex him this week sometime, the fact that it hasn't happened yet and we've been talking and dating and enjoying each other's company for 4 months...puts a smile on my face. Seeing as most women give up the drawls after 2 weeks, using my informal poll of just talking to my coworkers.

And yes...the 4th was my birthday and I didn't get any birthday love. So depressing!

Ahhh...I'm all over the place.

Last night, I had a wonderful time with Trini although it didn't really start out that way.
We agreed the night before that we would see each other Friday night. I wanted to have sexy time because I am a huge lust bucket right now. Turns out, I was itching for some loving because I was super hormonal with my period. So, I wake up all bloody and angry. Trini's brother was coming into town that night and he had to pick him up from the airport around 7:30. His brother wanted to go and have drinks and Trini actually invited me. (I was kinda stoked). We would meet up around 9/9:30. Me knowing black folks and time, I started getting ready at 9:30pm. I looked for a cute outfit, my heels, tight jeans, biker jacket and I curled my hair.

At 10:30, he still hadn't solidified plans with me and I was getting hot. His brother went ghost on him and he wanted to wait to speak to him before we went anywhere. I had to be at church at 9am this morning and thus, was disinterested in waiting on his brother and was more interested in being held, kissed and hugged up on.

Anywho, he finally picks me up at 11:15 and we go cruising around my neighborhood for some place to go. Sidenote:BFF told me to text her his license plate number and the make and model of his car plus his address. After the whole Nigerian thing, she has become super protective of me. And...I got only half of his plate memorized.

SO, we go to this random place that I would never go into alone and it is poppin. Good music. Good food. Random people in there. Older folks 2stepping. Young folks Dougie-ing.
We ate some wings and talked about what we both want. He told me (again) he just wants companionship and good sex. I told him in plain language, that's okay for right now but eventually, I want a husband and some kids. He understands where I'm coming from and I thanked him for his honesty. He asked me to dance. We did some dancing where he twirled me and we danced close like we were at prom. He leaned in and kissed me and...it.was.on from there.

Some wild woman came out of me and I had him against the wall with my tongue in his mouth, grinding on him. I was all over him. Yo...his arms. His abs...his body is amazing. I was touching him and kissing his neck and biting on his ear. He stopped and looked at me and said: "Who are you? This is not the same girl I've been talking to all this time. Who is this woman?"
I just smiled. Something in me triggered on and it is going to be hard to turn it off.

"You're not going home tonight. You're coming to my place. In the morning, you're calling out of work."

That was the sexiest thing I've heard from a man in a long while.
I had to not so delicately remind him of my period. He was not fazed. He said we'd have to reschedule but I'm in trouble.

I love trouble.
He held me close. He grabbed my booty. I held my head back as he bit my neck. Whew! We started dirty talking each other. Soon we looked at the clock and it was 2am. He dropped me off home. He sent me some pictures of what he's working with. My oh my!

I am in trouble.
I love trouble.

Someone Like You

I went on a movie date last night with Trini. The plan was for me to get off work at 7 and meet him at the theatre at 7:30. When I got there, he was running behind....so, it ass me and the ((female)  ticket-taker making small talk. He had me waiting for like 20 minutes. When he came up...we hugged and he apologized for being late.
TT: (to me)  Ohhhh, you were waiting on him?
Me: Mmmmhmmmm
Trini: Ya'll were talking about me?
Me: Of course not.
TT: I can't believe you kept her waiting!
Trini: See, what had happened was....I was here earlier so....in an essence, I was waiting on her.
TT: I don't think I should let you in. You don't deserve her company....making her wait like that.
Me: She has a point there
Trini: You're supposed to be on my side!
Me:  *shrugs*
Trini: You want me to leave?
Me: No....
TT: We'll let you slide this time. Make sure it doesn't happen again..
(Did I mention....I don't know this woman from Adam.)
HILARITY
We get our seats. He goes down to the concession stand. He comes back up and says to me...
Trini: Ummmm.....that lady might give you a funny look when we leave.
Me: Why?
Trini: I told her you kicked me out the theatre with no coat ir hat or anything because I was late. I said, "I told her it wouldn't happen again but she wouldn't listen." So, I'm hoping this soda and popcorn will help my case.
I laughed so loud!  Who does that?
Haywire was a good movie. I'm going to look up the actress. They were hitting her like a man. I have to see if the stunts were done by her.
When we left the theatre, the ticket-taker gave me a handshake and said good job. He gasped.
Lol.
To be continued......

Almost 26

I was talking to this kid at my job and he was just so....young.

The way he spoke to me...the things he said...I wondered about myself. If that were me years ago. All I could do was shake my head. I turned to my coworker and said, "How old do you think that kid is?"

"18/19"

 "Geez...I'm old. 19 seems so...young now, doesn't it?"

"It sure does." (she's 29)

My birthday is on the 4th of February and the planning is well under way...I just have to organize the outfit and the hair and the actual itinerary for the day. Everyone in my immediate circle should know its my day and should begin to shower me with love and treat me like a princess.... :)

 There's kind of a guy in the picture..but not really. His name is...Trini. I met him at the Marquez-Pacquiao fight party I forgot to blog about back in November. He was super cool and comfortable to talk to since my friends were kind of booed up for the night. He's 42. Had 3 kids, a boy and 2 girls (2 of which are twins, I forget which.) He was married for 12 yrs and has been divorced for about a year. His oldest is 11 and his youngest are 8. He works for the Board of Ed in Maintenance and works nights. We have been talking ever since the fight, frequently sending each other pics of ourselves, calling and texting. We haven't been on a date yet which kind of bugs me but not as much as you think it would. Our schedules are crazy and part of me thinks he's scared. When I bring it up, he says he hasn't been on a date with someone since he and his wife started dating 20 years ago. He says he feels as if he were in jail for the past 12 years and the whole dating world is different. He wants to take it slow. We're taking it slow. We're friends.

I like him, though.

 He calls when he says he will. He always sends me messages to let me know he is thinking of me. He makes me smile and laugh. I feel secure with him (for the most part) I talked to my brother about him when I was in SC. He said he thinks its a bad idea to try and date him because of his age and the fact that he already has a family. He feels as though he wouldn't want to build anything with me because he's already done that. My bro has a point.


 Today, me and Trini were talking. He said, "My friend tried to set me up on a blind date. I wasn't having that. I knew the lady was older than me. We kind of just talked first. She was telling me about dating. She's divorced after 20 years of marriage. I thought I was crying...I know she is really crying. Being divorced from the person I thought I would be with forever is really tough. I'm not even going to lie to you. Anyway, we had an interesting conversation. It's not going to go anywhere but she's good to talk to."....."I told my friend about you. I told her I met a nice young woman whom I have crazy chemistry with. She has a beautiful smile and is always laughing and easy to talk to. She's smart, ambitious and is mad cool. I'm not sure where this is going to go. I want to take this year to get myself together after this divorce. I need to figure out who I am. I would be kidding myself if I didn't say that I want female company...whether its a friends with benefits relationship or whatever. I wish I could be friends with someone, we chill, we laugh and talk and we know where we stand with each other." He flat out told me what he wants without putting it in black and white but it kind of is...

I told BFF this year... "I am not going to expect things from people that they either can't or are unwilling to give me."

Friends with benefits...ummmmm...been there done that...am ducking from the person that was with. I respect him for telling me straight up. I really don't expect someone who has been out of the scene for 20 years to want to be with the first girl he meets post-divorce. BUT, I do have to be honest with myself and what I want...I want to be someone's girlfriend, fiance, then wife. I want to have children and build a home together.

Where do we go from here???

He didn't definitively say that he want FWB with me. I haven't (successfully) had sex in a year. I say successfully because the little 5 mins with Aussie was aborted due to it being terribly painful and me bleeding a little bit after he tried to penetrate me with his giant penis. (lol)

Do I want to have sex? Hell yea. Is this an area of my life I should probably leave to God and have Him work it out? Yes. Is he sexy and do I want to jump him? Hell yea. Ultimately, I do want to take my time. Enjoy a friendship with him and see where it goes from there. I invited him to my birthday dinner. He told me he was jumping out the cake and sent me a half-naked picture of himself.

Two words: Geez Louise.