go for it

I woke up this morning determined to really pursue getting a new job which basically means going to all these fancy smancy department stores...putting in my resume and hoping someone bites.

I went to Saks and felt really inadequate. People smiled at me and I saw a few familiar faces but I just didn't feel right. My friends who are freelancers gave me some tips to help me...y'know...what to say, what to do...where to go...and I felt a little bit better. I went to Nars and dropped off my resume and then hightailed it out of there!

All 3 people that I spoke to in Saks was like...GO TO MAC! What's wrong with you?
And while that's really where I wanted to be...I don't know, I felt like I had to go to all these other places first.

I was in the area, passing by and so I went in to MAC and the first girls I ran into was like.."Oh what MAC do you work at?"

Me??????

I don't work at MAC, I just wanted to put my app in..the manager looked at me and said, WOW! He didn't have any openings but told me who does and I ran over there. The response was awesome.

I felt really good about it.
I should expect a call about an interview in a week or so.

I have no idea what I was thinking...I want to work for MAC, so I'm going to stick it out until I can.
Point blank.

Things are good with The Frenchman. I feel so secure and relaxed. I know he likes me. I believe him when he says he wants to be with me for a while. We talked about communication and he's working on it. We'll see where it goes..things are super mellow. I feel the difference when someone wants to rush things but it feels like we're taking our time.

real or game?

me and the frenchman was supposed to go on a date but trouble struck at his job and he didn't get home til 11. he asked to see me that late. me being the savvy lady i am said for him to meet me at work for lunch tomorrow or sunday, i'm off. he's off.

he danced around for a bit and said he'd probably see me for lunch. sunday is his day to sleep all day. he says it's the one day for himself. i get it. i've known him a week. i'm not trying to make him change his life...but, eventually...sundays are going to be mine...*evil laugh*

i think he's infatuated by me...he thinks i'm beautiful and smart and he wants another "taste" but he keeps reminding me that he doesn't just wasnt 1 night or just a sexual relationship. he's told me so much that it isn't reassuring me...it's making me question.

  and i don't want to do that..overthink things.

but, i don't want to get my hopes up and get all starry eyed because i don't think i can handle another disappointment. i want to protect my heart but i don't want to be jaded.

what do i do?

i hate all this damn uncertainty