the juggler

i feel like i have so many plates spinning at one time. i'm tired. my body hurts. i have a laundry list of things to do and my boss told me she doesn't feel like i'm engaged...like i don't care about the job.

i don't. this makeup line isn't for me and i feel the pressure to sell it is ridiculous because i'm not passionate about it. it's also not very popular so i find myself trying to convince people to buy it. the hours are crazy. i work 6 days straight to have 1 day off and then another couple days stretch to have 1 day off. the body doesn't get to recuperate. it sucks so bad.

 i just want to make money to pay for what it is i really want to do with my life.

i haven't really been liking my job for a while now but with everything i have going on, i don't know if i have the energy to look for another one. on the other hand, i feel like i need a regular 9-5 where i sit on my butt all day and don't think about anything.

i get up after 4-5 hours of sleep, go to work, stand on my feet all day and beg women to buy makeup then i come home and work on book stuff til the wee hours of the morning....rinse and repeat.

i really don't know where i'm going to pull the time and energy from to find something else.

in good news,

i bought my plane ticket. i'm going to london january 31 - feb 10. from there, i will go to paris and italy. i might try and see ireland too. maybe.

my book is done. it is in the editing process. it should reach the publisher by sept. 15
it is really hard because i want it to be a bestseller. writing the book was easy. getting people interested in it enough to pub it for me has been difficult.

so, the book process, planning my european trip, having a full-time job, dealing with the aftermath of my grandma's estate, friends, family....it's a lot.

i'm not sure how to handle it all.