Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Ups n downs...

I think I'm fucking things up with Afroman...its not purposefully, but
maybe it is. I'm not happy with him because he doesn't have a job. His
constant thing is not having money and I'm a little tired of taking care
of him. I don't think he's on it to find another job. I just don't see
the drive. That really bothers in the future will I have to
take care of him too. That's not something I can live with. That concern
is n my right brain. On the left side, my mother is saying shit like why
haven't I met his family. His oldest sister is having a baby shower in
June and he wants me to meet his family then. She has a problem with
it....and so do I, kind of. I've been pining for him since freshman year
of high school and maybe its wasn't worth it. He's
wonderful....kind, smart, funny, but there r things that I am frustrated
with -- like his sarcasm, the fact that his ex still text messages him
and calls him, I have to tell him certain things. I feek like I'm taking
care of him. I didn't sign up for another child or another BGF...but
that's what I got. All I keep thinking is...I don't trust it. I don't
trust that things will get better, but maybe that's my insecurity. I
don't want to be the big girl that gets lied to and played. I don't like
it. I want to hang in there. I want to fight for a happy loving
relationship. He wants to be my future, but how productive will that
future be? Maybe I've read it all wrong and he's busting his ass....but
I don't see it. Maybe because I don't se it, the flight or fight reflex
is kicking in. I'm so confused. I really don't know what to do.
Can't worry bout what another ni**a that's LIBERATION.....

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