Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Love of Money + Princes and Frogs + Family Ties

Friday, I get a text from the girl I was going to do the photo shoot for on Saturday (the same one I'd been working for) saying she had 8 models confirmed for Saturday. I was under the impression, she would have 2 or 3 models in total. I flipped out. I really felt as if she were taking advantage.

I told her flat out that I was charging her 10% of what I usually charge and she need to hire another makeup artist. Period. That after Saturday, I was done. Do you know how much work doing 8 faces is for one person? She assured me she didn't think that all 8 models would show and that another mua confirmed for Saturday.

Yesterday, I woke up at 7am, hustled on over to Jersey City for the shoot. I've come to the conclusion that if my heart is not in it, I just shouldn't show up for shoots. It went well but it wasn't my A-game. She lied. There was no other mua. I did 5 girls + her. I was too through. Even after she handed me the just wasn't worth it. I was mad at her but I'm even more upset with myself for allowing her to get over.
Oh wells, that story is done.

I have been on Plenty of Fish off and on for a few years now. I may log on about once a week, purely to amuse myself and then a few months will go by and I'm looking seriously. I'll talk to someone. If they don't pique my interest (which they rarely do) I keep it moving. I've been talking to this one guy Jay for a couple of weeks. We finally exchanged numbers. He's mad cool. College educated, well-spoken, funny, single, no kids, 6"3, big type. I'm looking forward to meeting him. Hopefully, I don't eff it up.

Funny, we were at the same club 2 weeks ago (the big girl club) and he said he was across the room from me. I didn't recognize him and he didn't recognize me. I asked him why didn't he try and talk to me. He claimed he was shy and I wasn't dancing. (Who goes to the club in 5 inch heels anyway? Umm, me.) Honestly, the heels wouldn't have bothered me if the DJ weren't so wacktastic. He remembered me because of cheetah tights, heels and headband. I wasn't dressed like any other girl in the place (win!)
I debated all day whether or not I would call my grandma for Mother's Day. Everyone gets so shocked when I talk about her. She's not the type of grandma that bakes cookies and sends you money on your birthday.

My entire life I always felt like she didn't care and that people had to make her be a grandmother to me and my brother. If I don't call her, she doesn't call me. That's just the way it is.

Quick Recap: This is my biological mom's (who died when I was 3) mom. After my mom died, my grandma disappeared for 4 yrs. Communication was forced. When I was a teenager, me and my stepmom got into it a lot. I would confide in my grandmother and she would tell my stepmom before I could even get home. Yea, lots of animosity there.

I called her. She claimed she was happy to hear from me. She also said she doesn't have my number, which I've given her dozens of times. She says she hasn't been walking very well. She then goes in to ask me what I'm eating (she wanted dinner) and where I'm working (she wanted money.) Same old ish. I'm going to her house tomorrow. She said I'm the only family who she can depend on (sad) and she wants to go over her will with me. She said she's a lonely old lady. Part of me felt as though that's how I will be when I get older. Hopefully not. I plan on treating my kids better than that. In the meantime, I guess I can try and be a better grandaughter. We can't pick our family and such. *le sigh* I've got 24 years of shit to get off my chest and she's going to listen. Hmph!
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Young woman on a journey said...

lol at she's going to listen. let those 24 years out to someone else. at her age, she's probably not going to give you the response you want and its barely worth it. just be a good granddaughter, even if she isn't a good grandma.

regarding your defense, i don't think you f things up. so lets just hope he's not crazy, a pathological liar, secretly attached or any other disqualifiers.

Trish said...

This sounds like my relationship with my grandparents. My oldest brother has to practically twist my arm to get me to call or visit. My grandfather has just gotten old and turned mean and hurtful and I hate subjecting myself to his ridicule.

It would be really nice though if you and your grandma could reconcile.

neemie said...

about your grandma: sometimes you just have to accept that some people won't change. you just forgive them and accept them as they are and move on. no point in carrying that resentment on your back for another 24+ years. it really isn't worth it.

life's too short to be pissed off all the time.

btw, i think your heart's too big and full of love to end up lonely and sad when you get older. that should be the least of your worries :)