Friday, February 7, 2014

otra vez

i was talking to panama guy aka carlos about random things...lately, i felt a bit distant from him. he's being a bit ambitious with 2 start up companies and a regular job so i cut him some slack.

if you're unfamiliar: panama guy and i met online in july. at the time he lived in panama but was on his way back to the us. he moved back in late august. we met in september and things were interesting. we expressed mutual interest but failed to make a complete love connection. he blamed the move: looking for a job, the holidays were crazy and then with his start ups he felt it would be unfair to me if we started dating because he wouldnt be able to give me the attention i deserved. we were friendly. blabbermouth me told him the play by play (not everything but most) about claude. i told him i started dating claude because he put me in the friend zone. he said, i never put you in the friend zone. you're amazing. i would love to date you. this a week before nye. once again, he said, if i date you, i want to be the best man i can be for you. i can't do that right now. (yea, melt melt puddle)

cut to nye. he invited me to his house where his mom and sister LOVED me. me and his mom had a loooong talk about death on nye.yep. death. his sister kept saying how much she wanted me to date him and blah blah was nice. there was another girl there that his sister kept giving the side eye to. i forget her name but what i remember is that she wore a strapless dress, no stockings and high heeled sandals - like 1 strap across her toes. in NYC on NYE when it was 19degrees outside. something about her felt wrong. i asked him who she was...a childhood friend. i let it be.

so yesterday, me and panama guy are on fb chat and i'm trying to pry info out of him about his life because we haven't really talked. he's not opening up. weird. we stop talking. 10 minutes later, his profile pic is him and this chick in front of the huge LOVE statue near columbus circle....bitch, what?

you ever see something that hurts you. like literally stings you. so much where, i started to laugh. i laughed for like a good minute before the tears started. like...this can't be real.

immediately, i say... interesting profile pic.

him: what do you mean?
me: you and your "friend" in front of love
him: oh yea, we're actually dating now


me: for how long?
him: a few weeks
me: since nye perhaps?
him: no, after
me: what happened to all the things you said about not wanting a gf?
him: yea, i told her i didn't want a gf but i knew her since we were kids
me: so here you are.
him: yea
me: why didnt you tell me?
him: when have you known me to tell you about the women i'm dealing with?

I had no idea there were WOMEN he was dealing, I guess the answer to that was NEVER. But, I thought I deserved a little more decency than to find out with a profile pic switcheroo.

me: k
him: so, i've been away. how's business?
(Oh you're not going to get me with the okie doke)

me: fine. i really don't feel like talking to you anymore. enjoy your relationship. i hope everything works out for you
him: really
me: yup.
him: i thought we were friends.
me: i feel stupid. i went to your house. i met your family. you had me met HER and all the were never ever going to date me.
him: trust me. no one meets my family. no one meets my family you did because i consider you a good friend.. i've known her since i was 10. we never acted on our attraction to one another so, we decided to.
me: ok. good luck.
him: whatever nina.
me: i'm being genuine. but still, i feel how i feel. if you don't get it, so be it. so, take care
him: take care

and that is the end of 7 months wasted on a dude to not be the one who gets chose.


after the first month here when he was still on the fence,
that should've been my cue to exit stage left.

i did not.

what the fuck was i thinking?
i dated claude as a distraction from him. but, the whole time, he was what i wanted and i made that clear. crystal clear.

he apparently reconnected with this girl on nye.
she lands him... lets say within a week.

this happened the day after my birthday.

the gifts that keep on giving.


Starrla said...

Nina BOO!!!!!! It's Starrla!!! I MISS YOUR BLOGS!!! I have caught up and I am just wanting to choke these folks for you!!! Don't let them steal your joy! I remember a Nina who was excited about a journey in her life and living out her dreams! I remember a carefree and happy Nina! Reach within and GET HER BACK!!!

Starrla said...

Oh and Happy Belated Birthday! I so wish it had turned out better for you but there is always the rest of 2014 to make up! Live EVERYDAY as if it were your birthday!

Miss♥K said...

Nina- have you reminded yourself of the post wher eyou said that he's focused on his career and if he were to date then shed have to be ok with that- i took that as a clear translation he wouldnt have had time for my dear Nina anyway. I think he did you a favor honestly.