otra vez

i was talking to panama guy aka carlos about random things...lately, i felt a bit distant from him. he's being a bit ambitious with 2 start up companies and a regular job so i cut him some slack.

if you're unfamiliar: panama guy and i met online in july. at the time he lived in panama but was on his way back to the us. he moved back in late august. we met in september and things were interesting. we expressed mutual interest but failed to make a complete love connection. he blamed the move: looking for a job, the holidays were crazy and then with his start ups he felt it would be unfair to me if we started dating because he wouldnt be able to give me the attention i deserved. we were friendly. blabbermouth me told him the play by play (not everything but most) about claude. i told him i started dating claude because he put me in the friend zone. he said, i never put you in the friend zone. you're amazing. i would love to date you. this a week before nye. once again, he said, if i date you, i want to be the best man i can be for you. i can't do that right now. (yea, melt melt puddle)

cut to nye. he invited me to his house where his mom and sister LOVED me. me and his mom had a loooong talk about death on nye.yep. death. his sister kept saying how much she wanted me to date him and blah blah blah...it was nice. there was another girl there that his sister kept giving the side eye to. i forget her name but what i remember is that she wore a strapless dress, no stockings and high heeled sandals - like 1 strap across her toes. in NYC on NYE when it was 19degrees outside. something about her felt wrong. i asked him who she was...a childhood friend. i let it be.

feeling feelings

i've been thinking a lot. being snowed in alone can do that to a person. carlos gives me flutters and makes me want to fall in love with him. i think about breaking up with claude every week. why? i feel like something isnt right and i'm not one to ignore those feelings. what if i'm wrong? my birthday is in exactly 1 month. shit.

microwave love

so i made claude dinner for his birthday on the 22nd. i made bacon-covered bbq chicken with roasted potatoes and asparagus. i decorated his dining area with christmas lights, candles and flowers. he even had a freakin gift. that meal was delicious, too. everything was purple- his fave color. even the special drink i made him was purple. i wore a purple top and a tight skirt and thigh high boots that kept falling because my thighs are smaller now. boom!

(yes, claude's real name starts with a j..sneaky...lol)

he was really appreciative and i was tipsy so we went into the bedroom and made the sex for 3 minutes and 49 seconds. lit'rally.

 and carlos is still buzzing around and convincing me of something...what that something is, i have no idea, yet. i guess to not friend zone him. maybe, he's trying to convince me to take my time. i'm a woman of the 00's. i want my shit now. i want my love microwaved so that when it buzzes and i open the door, butterflies and doves fly out at me. so, we're in this weird dance. i'm mildly aware of him.

 his birthday was the 27th. we went to see the secret life of walter mitty. awesome movie. and i just kept staring at his eyelashes. they're like a doll's. ridiculous. and he kept staring at my lips. and then the last hour we were together, we both knew the date (??) was winding down so i kept staring at his mouth.

Fuck RomComs!

So it seems I never talked about this dude I met on POF. He is one of the last dudes I met before I just abandoned ship. I shall call him Carlos. Carlos and I met in late July and have been talking ever since. At the time, he was living in Panama.

I know, weird.

He was working on his PhD, studying abroad in Spain when his funding fell through. He didn't want to come home (to Brooklyn, where I also live - just in case ya didn't know) so he went to live with an aunt in Panama for a year.

Awesome not awesome.

Well, we met and talked and it was cool. He kept saying how he was coming home and being the cynical bitch I am, I was like..yeah, right. But he did!! In September. And I was all like...oh yea, we're totally going to be a couple. We talked every day and we did some "show me yours, i'll show you mine" via Skype and the vibes were vibing. Then.....he came home and it was like...oh shit, he needs a job and a cell phone and a place to live.

Being the macho latin man that he is, he did not ask me to help but I felt weird inviting him out to places and him not having money or being strapped for cash so we didn't hang out.

until October. and it was a cheap date and it was fun.