wtf?

ok...so i'm all weepy and mad and sad and this dude doesn't even wait a full day to announce to the world that we're through. shit! doess that mean that he couldnt wait to get on with his life? i don't know. i don't want to get into another relationship for a while tho. ****sigh****

pissed

you know what's really pissing me off lately? the fact that i have to play everyone's goddamned mother. wtf? grown ass mothefuckin people and they all come to me. got paper? got pen? what should i do? where should i turn? motherfucker, i don't fuckin know. you're 5 years older than me. shouldn't i be askin you that question or we're the same age...what the fuck do i kno? ahhhhhhhhhhh! i need that fucking vacation but no one wants to get me one. so fuckin over it. shit!

So....I guess

on the Happy Meter...we're at a no. But I don't want to leave and I'm
not sure howto stay. At this point I don't know why I'm not and I don't
know how to fix it. All I know is that I am sad and I don't know how to
get happy again. I know I have to do it myself. Fluff myself up. Which
may be easier said than done. So....I still don't know which way to go.

Are u Happy?

He asked me if I was happy and I had no answer. Its been an hour and
still have no answer.

Maybe that is the answer.

Blah blah blah

Thinking a lot about mylife...my goals, my aspirations....and I'm not by
any stretch of the imagination happy with any aspect of my life.

Let's see:
Work
Work sucks..and they're adding all these rules and letting rookies do
managerial jobs. Not paying enough and I just feel like shit/drinking at
the end of the day.

Sex
Horny as hell because I haven't really HAD sex lately. Partly to do
with

Living Situation
Mom dukes is driving me crazy. Nuff said.

Tears dry on their own

I don't think anyone knows me. I don't think anyone truly understands
me.
On Monday, I had to fight the demons that were telling me that my life
was worthless and that no one would miss me when I'm gone. I'm so tired.
I'm tired of fighting and scrapping and begging for everything I get.
I'm tired of competing for everything. I'm tired of feeling like I'm
almost at the finish line when they shut down the race. I'm tired of
feelin like nothing is tangible...I'm tired of feeling like dust.
And so...when the voices in my head....the conscious voice...the voice
that is ur own.....kept telling me no one would miss me....no one cares
about me....I didn't think of Afroman...or BestFriend or BestGayFriend,
or Twin......I thought of no one but myself. I would miss me I guess.
And now, as I sit on my bed....there is no one I can call that would
make me feel better. There is no friend that can wipe away my tears.
Just me n the silent still room....the sound of my fishtank
whirring....and the pitter patter of my fingertips on the keyboard. Its
just me.

MTA is fuckin up!
(Just had to say that)

I just realized that I'm n the same place that I was in a few months ago
when I looked back at past posts. HIGHLY DEPRESSING!
I don't know what I'm going to do about anything. One part of me misses
Afroman like crazy. Part of me wants to call him. Part of me wants him
to run to me all dramatic...like in the movies. *sigh*
I want him to know he was wrong for not being down for me like I was for
him. I want him to know that I deserve the best treatment ever. I honor
him. I give him my all and I want his all. *shakes head* I just don't
know anymore.
I was borderline suicidal today. The hormones were going crazy, I
guess.
lets seeeeeeeeee......
Nothing else to report. Groovy...l8rz

Sorry about the typos n past posts....juicy's tired