Never a Mistake. Always a Lesson

Lessons learned tonight:
1.Stop being so damn lonely.
2. Stop being so damn naive.
I'm currently on the local train from Harlem to Brooklyn which sucks so much. I don't know what time I will get home or if I will get home (so dramatic!)
I only have myself to blame.
G and I went on a date in June. Drinks...dancing....fun. At the end of the date, he didn't want the night to end. I, who'd just danced for 2 hours in 4 inch heels, was enthusiastic but weary. We walked around as he searched his heart and mind for what it wanted  to do.
As we waited for my train, he decided he wanted IHoP and some bed hopping and I just wasn't down. Man, he begged. It wasn't cute until he realized I just wouldn't budge.
Sporadic attempts at a 2nd date were made. If you call his asking me to spend days at his house attempts at a 2nd date. :/
Yes...he's asked me on 3 separate occasions to spend several days at his house with him.
Today, his approach was different. Lets make it a Blockbuster night. I laughed. Ok.
I showered and put on a cute quirky outfit and headed to Harlem.
He directed me to his apartment via phone.
Him: Tell me you missed me
Me: No. I didn't. Did you miss me?
Him: Yeah....why you think I've been blowin up your phone?
.....
Me: Why aren't you a gentleman meeting me downstairs?
Him: You didn't ask me to.
Me: I have to ask you to be a gentleman?
He met me at the door with a hug that groped my butt and a kiss that he wanted to last longer but I pulled away.
He was dresses terribly. An old T-shirt that maybe had holes in it and a loose old pair of sweats that did not flatter him at all.
I'd told him earlier that I'm on a vegan diet. He offers me a burger. I decline. He says we could go to the corner store and get me something.
I just ask for water. He tries to push alcohol on me.
I'm annoyed.
I've plated hostess plenty of times. Ive made sure to have something for my guests.
His place was a mess. He looked a mess. You see where I'm going.
What are we watching?
Pick something on Netflix
Ugh. I have Netflix at home. Finding something on there sometimes is a challenge.
As I'm picking,I have to stand in the middle of his room and scroll. He comes up behind me and tries to make me bend over.
When I wouldn't...he rubs himself against me.
Yesterday, I told him I had my period. I have no idea wtf he was thinking.
We sit down and watch a movie. An old coworker calls me all upset. I answer and he starts trying to take my shorts off.
*side eye*
I get off the phone.
What are you doing?
Nothing. Lets just watch the movie.
We watch. He puts his arm around me.
Its nice until he starts rubbing my breast. I move.
He licks and bites my neck. I wipe his saliva off of me. I get up, put my shoes on. I kiss him on the cheek and leave.
I'm proud of myself. Period or not. I didn't want to sleep with him. I wanted to be held close with popcorn in our laps watching a movie.
I don't expect Don Juan....but I certainly didn't expect Homeless Ed.

If I wasnt feeling so damn lonely, I would've seen the writing on the wall about what he was about instead of being so damn naive. I feel like I'm not going to find someone...maybe I'm too something and no one will ever love me. Yes, they can use my body for the night but really get to know me and love me...idk.

When I got home, he said I didn't have to leave.

I've been sexually assaulted before being in the same situation. This person I trusted more. I said no twice..the third time, it was while he was ripping off my underwear. I'll never be in that same position again. I'll take the local A train from Harlem to Brooklyn.