Cuthroat Tactics + Over the Rainbow

As I was leaving work, I who he feels is not working and she gave me a head's up.
I fell into a conversation with another manager at work. She said someone has been bending the new COO's ear about who he thinks should be fired, who he feels is not working and she gave me a head's up.
, It's a man who is friends with everyone but then goes back and spreads lies.
My name came up.

The consensus is that I'm not doing as good a job as I could be. I'm coasting.

I am.

My boss is feeding him lines that I'm not doing certain things when I have 1,001 things to do that I'm taking care of # 1,002. That's what sticks in their mind.

My response to it - slight indifference then annoyance, anger, and now indifference.

I told Gi I have a choice: be the type of manager they want: an asshole or leave.

I want to leave.

I have my dream business in mind.

If any one feels the need to steal it, I will cut that ass.

You know...nevermind. You will see.

Stay tuned!!!!

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Fw: Guess Who's's BZack

I got my new blackberry yesterday. Its all shiny and the buttons are all tight. No scratches on the screen.



Lovely.



I am currently running 45 minutes late for work. I am exhausted. Completely just spent at this break-neck speed I've been running at.

Anywho....



ReluctantRoomie (remember him) is in the hospital for depression.



He'd been living with me since July. He hasn't been contributing at all. He lost his job then decided to bring sodas and juices and stuff for the house. He decides to go home to Rochester to see his mom and clear his head.



In the meantime, I lost my phone.



Monday, Jake tells me RR was in the hospital. He hasn't been sleeping, eating, or drinking.



What?



I text him yesterday while I was at work. He confirmed what I heard. He said he just felt like shit for not really being the best he could be and that he knew I put myself out there fo him and he didn't return the favor.



He asked if he can live with me again. I didn't say anything. I didn't really know what to say.



Obviously, the answer is no. The tact behind it is something....else.



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Rolling Like a River

I hate when people cram themselves on the effing train and squeeze the little bit of space that is there.

Dude...!!!

Tonight, dude jumped on as the train was about to pull off. He lifts his arms to hold on and...

I swear he smelled like a whole bag of onions.

My nose started burning.

Mind you, I'm only 5 feet tall. He's at least 6 ft. So my nose was right in the crook of his armpit.

Disgusting.

He saw me side-eyeing him. He switched arms. That shit turned my damn stomach.

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Continued

So...basically, I spent my weekend running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Didn't get to see my friend from Chicago. He was a little "disappointed" to say the least.

In hindsight, I know I mishandled the situation. I could've made the time if I wanted to but I didn't. It wasn't fair to him.

I was talking to a friend about how he deals with dudes. He has all of this semi-anonymous sex with people whom he doesn't want to touch him after. He always overbooks himself and gets loads of angry/disappointed texts from people.

I told him this:

Time is precious and it is not abundant. I'm starting to realize that the older I get. I don't and can't physically spend time with people whom I'm not 100% sure I want to. Practice not giving people things you can't get back, like time.

He was like, "is that why you didn't see ChicagoDude this weekend? You usually make time for everyone."

It was like a slap in the face.

Was he right? I don't know.

Anywho...I told him I could feel like mold or I can feign indifference.

WHICH brings me to this morning.

My mom rings my doorbell.

8am

Come downstairs...I wanna blow your mind real quick.

She tells me the Pastor next door has been using his pulpit to talk shit about her every Sunday. He's said she's fat and keeps getting fatter and fatter, she keeps raising the rent, and doesn't want them to take showers.

Firstly, she raised their rent $50. That was in January.

Which makes their rent $650.

For a 2 bedroom apartment!!!! I know people who pay $700 for a damn studio!

Plus, water is included in the rent and they have a washer machine! She called becauase she heard the shower running for 15 minutes and no one was using it. Their young son turned it on to play.

*blank face*

What the fuck!

My mom, also a minister, told the person who told her, "God bless him."

You already know I wanted to get buck.

How fucking dare you!

She was like..please!! Don't say anything.

Riight. He has one time to side-eye me and it is on!

Fuck outta here with that shit.

She's being indifferent now.
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Choose Mold or Indifference

This weekend was a lot.

My paycheck was like a big wooomp woooomp.

It was less than $1k, which is unusual. But, that's what happens when I don't work overtime.

I deposited my check. Took out $500 out the ATM.

I knew I probably shouldn't get my hair done, but I needed to and a friend was coming into town and I wanted to look cute for him.

I bought the hair - a new brand for $40 a pack. I needed 2 packs. Arrgh. I got to the hair salon, showed it to my hair stylist. She laughed, saying I needed an extra pack.

Fuck.

I go to the beauty supply - the one far out of the way - the only one who had it. I hand over 2 20's.


Oh no, this is fake. The cashier told me.

I was dumbfounded.

I got this out the *ATM. She was like take it back.

I look at my phone and I had 6 missed calls. All my mom. She text me, I'm locked out. Come let me in.

That was over an hour before. Shit.

I call her 2x. She doesn't answer.

She calls back. WhereareyouwhydidntyoucallmeearlierBFFcameandletmeinIcandependonherandnotyou.

I'm glad she let you in.

Iamtoo. She hung up.

I shook my head. I can't deal.

I get my nails done, forgoing the usual pedicure. I just can't afford it. My usual technician is surprised. I go back to the hair salon.

The lady does my hair.

Oh, you didn't need the extra pack. I miscalculated.

It happens, I say, knowing my face is telling my true story.

Its freezing as I walk out the salon.

Good thing I like my hair. My house is in shambles. I fall asleep wishing I had the energy to clean.


To be continued....
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Arrgh

So, this week has been interesting.

I need 1 day to just sleep.


Lack of sleep has proven to be a detriment to my health and sanity.


I lost my blackberry.

My beautiful silver Blackberry curve with the hot pink rubber case has been separated from me.
Totally unfair.

To top it off. I have no idea what the eff happened to it.
I had it in my hand when I left work on 37th st. I walked to 34th St and magically, it was gone.


My finances are in a complete disarray.

I haven't had more than 4 hours a sleep per night every night this week.

My eyes are burning.

My thoughts are scattered.

I'm practically living off of Pepsi.

And this weekend will prove to be a bundle of stuff to do.

Still Recapping the Weekend? Sheesh

"So...how are you? " he asked, glancing at me nervously.

I was a mixture of emotions.

He looked me in my eyes and all the love that I have for him rushed to my head.
(This is the short version)

Me:"I think I should just get over you. It's been a year since we broke up. It's ridiculous to have this torch for you. I can't come to terms with why we broke up the way we did. Why couldn't we make it work?" I said in one big breath.

AM:"I don't think it was the right time for us to have tried to be together. I felt like a bum. I didn't have a job. I couldn't do things for you like I wanted to. It was a bad time in my life."

"Yes, I understand but I tried to be there for you. You didn't let me. I thought we would ride the storm."

AM:"It wasn't about us. It was about me."

"Yes, but it's like...I asked you not to contact your ex. You did. Then when we broke up, you moved in with her (!!!) How do you think that makes me feel as a woman? I felt like there was something you were lacking with me and you ran to her."

AM:"Its not like that at all. I wasn't telling her anything I didn't tell you and I was talking to her about you. I miss you. I miss our friendship. There's no one else in my life like you. "

"A friend you like to...."

AM:"No, there's chemistry there. That's not going to go anywhere. It's more than that."

"It just hurts because I feel like we had no problems beside the financial. And even if you asked me to drop my life and move up there, I would. I would move you in my apartment. I would do it to be with you."

AM:"I wouldn't ask you to do that."

I was about to cry.
Whoa. I had to compose myself.

Me: "I am going to move on from you. We can't have this anymore. I mean its not fair to whomever else we bring into this because we're still each other's option in the back of our minds"

AM: "I don't want to lose you. I can't see you not being in my life"

Me: "I'm not going anywhere. I mean...I just can't do this....romantic shit with you."

We kind of switched the subject after this. It was raining and getting late and I needed to hop in a cab. He held my hand as we crossed the street. He hailed a cab for me. I got in, he kissed me on the lips.

I called him when I got home. We talked about fluff.

"I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

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