Incessantly tired. Waiting for that grand vacation where I just relax.I've been really depressed lately. Hiding it like a pro - hahaha...notreally. It comes out as anger but I'm really sad. Wishing that lifewould be better - sometimes thinking it should be...just because.
Thinking to myself more often than not...y? Why are we here? Why am Ihere? What's my purpose...since I'm not a supermodel...(personal joke)...and I'm not rich. Just a mortal human with $20 in my pocket for the next 2 weeks..yea...really realy broke-(thanks BGF!)..what am I supposed to be doing because my imagination and my thoughts of grandeurare interrupted by ringing phones, needy/annoying/angry customers and
when someeone screams "fuck" I want to scream it with them. Because I know how deep that comes from within.
And then...my friends....they're just as sad/angry as I am looking at me for help emotionally. Maybe I'm not emotionally available. Maybe I've just run out of cool/nice shit to say because I can't think of anything. But I'm known to be THE ONE everyone talks to and maybe that's just too intimidating for me. Half the time I want to cry right along with them but I'm not allowed because I'm me. Who do I talk to?
This blog...my phantom cult following. I imagine there are scores of you who gather around ur monitors every day awaiting my next issue of literary diarrhea.
I wish I wish I wish....
I could fly away.....
Maybe I'm not as strong as I thought I was...there's a hole in my armor and the arrow hit me sqaure in the middle of it. No one is supposed to know how tragic I am. I don't think they do.