Bermuda - 3 months
London - 3 months
New York - school to be a teacher
I'm juggling my business, freelance makeup, the magazine, looking for jobs in NY and Bermuda. Also, friends and family and a tiny piece of a social life.
I need to perfect "no." The stress is relieved by incessant list-making which adds more stress when I realize what I need to do. I've also decided to clean my house top to bottom...no clutter will be ignored which means my bedroom looks like Hiroshima.
I haven't told my doting my mother my plan. I want to make sure I have all my ducks in a row (shelter, job, work permit for Bermuda, school papers, financial aid) before I tell her.
Oh yea, I want to move in February.
And money is still an issue but won't it always be?
This renewed purpose came from a friend who called me out. I told him about 3 dreams I had. (Only part of the conversation was saved by BBM :/):
1. I was driving a car. A man had given it to me. It was torquoise. All of a sudden the air bag came out and something was wrong with my vision.I pulled over and it was like I was in the woods.A girl I know from my (other) blog drove by and helped me figure out how to drive the car. I took it back to the man. He said he wouldn't fix it. Then, I went to drive it home and then it felt like I was in a maze. Every turn led to another turn or a wall. I got so frustrated.
He said: You're feeling VERY confused in your life. And at any moment something can go wrong and the ppl who can fix it won't. They leave u out to dry. But you're not alone. Some people are there for you and give your strength...even if they aren't the antidote.
2. I was back in the 50s in a school setting. All I remember was there was a lot of racism.Then, I realized that we were in a glass case and there were people watching in the darkness but I couldn't see them. I went crazy and was trying to break the glass surrounding me with chairs. But it wouldn't break.
He said:You're feeling oppressed. That's actually a constant in your dreams.You feel like you need to fight your way out of this position. But wonder if you can do it. Your not believing in yourself miss homie. But you know you need a breakthrough.
He was right. I told him I felt depleted.
When was the last time you felt on top of the world?
What book were u reading?
What were you doing?
Who did you hang with?
Retrace your steps. Go back to go forward.
I believe in you.
He pulled my card. More like, yanked it from me and put it in my face. I was grateful. I need friends like that. I appreciate him.
I came up with a plan.
Today, I felt like I over-extended myself. My BBM status said, "I'm only human."
He said, "Thought you were Wonder Woman."
I said, "Nope. Just Diana Prince."
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