I have a cold. Its not really the end of the world. This feels NOTHING like that freak sickness I had back in September! Thank God!! I have been in bed all day. I have been drinking my fluids. I have a multivitamin I'm going to take in the am. Just sucks.
My birthday is next Friday. I NEED to be sexy...not achey, with bloodshot eyes, eczema on my face and sounding like a dude.
Working on knocking this cold out!
It has been FREEZING in NYC! Geez louise! 8 degrees?! Everyone is like...we go through this every year...deal with it but...no, this year, we got slammed!
Its funny how men can disappear if they want to at the drop of a dime. Afroman did that. It was like a knife in my stomach. JC, a guy whom I harbored a little crush on...but didn't act on has done that. Bdot kinda did that. Its like...really?! Its that easy to write someone off for whatever reason? Wow. Trying to let it go, consoling myself that these are NOT the men God has for me. That has become a mantra for me because I have a tendency to chase down who/what I want at any cost. Great for business. Bad for relationships and so, I'm trying to chill. The man God has for me will pursue me. And not in the way the crazy Nigerian pursued me. The man who is meant for me will genuinely want me as a person and not for my considerable assets.
As for those assets, they need to be downsized. On Sunday, I was hanging out with some women from church. We were eating, playing Taboo and having a good time. This prophet lady came by and gave everybody a word from God.
Mine was: "God is trying to take you some place. In order for you to get there, you're too heavy. You need to lose 100 pounds. Some of your friends are not your friends. He's already distancing some of them away from you. You need to listen to your mother. You get aggravated when she talks to you but listen to her. Pick and choose what advice you'll take to heart because some of it will be for now. Some of it will be a seed planted in you."
Heavy stuff, pun intended.
I have a tendency to hold on to things that are dead. Friendships being the most important thing to me....I think J and BFF are being distanced away from me. J is a good person. He's supportive but he's really into himself. If I have a problem, we'll talk about it for 5 mins and then its all about him. BFF and he are cut from the same cloth. BFF's lifestyle is disgusting me. More and more, I see how little she values herself. I've tried to show her herself in the mirror. It doesn't work. I've taken some steps back because I really don't want to judge her but I want to knock some sense into her or lock her up like Rapunzel. Every opportunity she's had to walk away, she's stayed. I don't get it. And then there's Gi. She is 8 months pregnant and she decides to have her baby shower my birthday weekend. Furthermore, she really thought that after months of not speaking to me, I would PLAN said shower. Why? I hate my birthday every year but its still my birthday and deep down I want it to rock and be about me and my happiness. Every year for her bday, she gives everyone the middle finger and does what she wants to do. So....whatever. I feel like she hasn't made an effort to be my friend at all. Ever since I got laid off, I've had to meet her where she was at. She would only meet me in Brooklyn if she was going to be here anyway. I'm done with convenient friendships. I really want friends around me that I can lean on in the same way I let them lean on me. With certain people, I remember getting calls in the middle of the night and staying up with them while they cried themselves to sleep. And then, for my trouble, I'm told I'm not nurturing. I'm cold. Fuuuuck off!
Anywho! I will have a job by April 1st! I'm claiming it! I will have my puppy by March 4th. I'm claiming it! I will be happy and productive. And somehow....I will lose 100 pounds this year! Whatever God has for me, whether its a fab job, a drop dead gorgeous man, a new swanky apartment, some fly new clothes or better health, I WANT IT!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile