How Typical!

I am infatuated with an older man who is bi-sexual. I will call him Jake. He is sexy, intelligent, sarcastic, quick-witted, and everything that I want in a man. [Except for the he sleeps with
other men thing]I know bi-sexual doesn't mean gay. But, my experience with gay men states that bi-sexual is a masked term for gay. Its kinda the same thing to most people if you're a man. If you're a woman, its sexy to sleep with other women...therefore no problem. If you're a man, sleeping with other men and women is seen as a health risk and causes a whole host of problems.

Talking to Jake after a long day is heart-warming. He makes me laugh. He makes fun of me. He's someone I can talk to about anything. He's a gentleman. I don't think about him sexually, but I do think about what it would be like to date him, to hang out with him on a one-on-one level.I guess this is an occupational hazard of being a "hag." I know there is no future. I know there is no reason for me to even wonder about him. He is totally unattainable. He is an enigma - someone you would know for years and still not know. Yet, those are the reasons I am drawn to him.

Hopefully, it will pass. After 3 years of being in the ballroom scene, I have had my crushes on a few of the men I've encountered. Some of my best friendships are with men that if they were straight, would surely be in serious trouble. One was almost taken to that other level. He ooozed sex. Everytime I was around him, my face was hot. My blood was pumping. He was another who was bi-sexual. He has a reputation for fucking anything. But, being in his presence, made me forget about his reputation. When he hugged me, I felt like undressing. I've been attracted to only 2 other people like that before. It is a powerful thing. Looking back on it, as I see this person at balls with their male lover, I am glad I did not take it to that next level. As I know the same would be with this man.

But I do enjoy his conversation.I do love it when he takes my hand and walks me through the crowd. I feel beautiful when he talks to me. He makes me feel safe when he's around.

All I can say is, Man I need a boyfriend!

It is Finished!

The outline for my mini-novel. It will be a compilation of short stories that have the same theme (trying not to give it away). I'm so excited. I'm thinking of coverart and all sorts of things. I'm about 3 pages away from finishing the story which I have to write because both hands are hurting - carpal tunnel - ouch.

What else has been going on????

Its weird, I dreamt my skin was irritated and breaking out. I guess its because the ball is on Saturday and I'm nervous about competing.

I spent 5 hours waiting on a plumber to fix my bathtub that's been stopped up for like 2 weeks, for him to come and do 5 minutes of work. BUT, I don't have to go through the process of gathering my stuff, taking it downstairs to my mom's house, showering, bringing it upstairs....blah blah blah..I appreciate the simple things...


That's all folks...

Funkier than a mosquito's peeter

the title has nothing to do with the post, but it's my new fave nina simone song.

i'm so freakin excited, even if my punctuation doesn't show it. i didn't feel like typing like a regular person..to see if i could do a whole post without being neurotic about things like capital letters...

anywho! even though my sidekick is toast, i had wonderful day. twin and i hit the fabric district for some inspiration for my ball costume. i had to talk twin into getting this particular fabric. he wants me to do more color, but i can't help that its an ovah black material. he didn't see my vision until he made the complete dress. but, it's goooorgeous! i'm so in love with it. i wish i could wear it around the house with a lil apron on like suzy mofo sunshine. i'm trying to get the girls together for a production which seems to be the hardest thing. plus, i don't have patience. in my former house, i worked alone. if i wanted something, i went out and got it done myself. this new house works differently. its great, but i have to adjust to not being the rhinestone cowboy anymore and to having another sister that competes in the same category as me. sharing the limelight and making decisions together is sooo taxing. but...at the end of the day, i'm happy...i know my shit will be on point.

other than that, today started off really dismal and its ended with me being tired, happy, and looking forward to something interesting being on my dvr.

and with that mates, goodnight.

kisses!

Whip Out the Mascara

There's a pageant coming up. I'm really excited. I haven't participated in a while. The theme of this one is Dreamgirls...which means big hair, long lashes, gowns, razzle dazzle. I love the razzle dazzle. I'm in a new house. A house is the name of which you're representing, kind of like a model that's signed to an agency. That model's representing IMG or Elite or whatever. My last house wasn't a good fit for me and I think this one is good. We'll see.

We're in phase one. Thinking of dress ideas, hair, makeup, and possibly a production.There's a lot that goes into it...which is why sometimes at the last minute, I just say...fuck it.

We'll see........< Afroman and I spoke via aim last night. Thank goodness for sidekicks.
He's a bill collector. I think that's so funny. He's sarcastic as hell, but he never argues or raises his voices, which is a good temperment for that job. I told him if he sees my name to cross it off....walk on by....he said he would definitely be calling. We talked about other mind stimulating things, like Nas gearing up to debate Bill O'reilly, Bill Mahr saying to the Muslim Mos Def that Islam is the root behind terrorism, and me trying to guilt trip him into moving back downstate.
I love Afroman because no matter what we do romantically, we can roll over and have an adult conversation. He's pretty much the only man in my life that doesn't care about lip gloss and hair. Plus, he knew me way before I started competing in pageants, so he expects me to be about more than that.

I'm sleepy as usual and staring at an 8-hr day ahead of me.

Good luck. Godspeed.

Yup..everyone's here...

Another pageant has descended upon us. When I say pageant, I mean ball. By ball, I mean a place where predominantly, gay, transgender, lesbian folk get together and compete in different categories. Like beauty, runway, vogue, fashion sense, sex appeal, et al. Oh...and then there's me and women like me who are totally not lgbt. We happen to be their
fabulous friends. Totally straight. Um, I think they call us...*ahem*fag
hags*ahem*

Even though I don't llike that term at all.

Let's reflect:The f-bomb is something I don't feel comfortable with dropping at all. I don't feel comfortable with anyone using it. Its one of those words that should make everyone uncomfortable. Somewhere between the n-word and mulatto.

Then there's hag. Hags are old, gray-haired, too many cat-owning spinsters who've never found love. Or never found love that would stay long.That's not me. Hopefully.

Anywho...I digress.I compete in the women's face beauty competition. And the ball that's coming up is going to be a killer!Lawd knows the mirror and I aren't getting along as it is!I'm tired. I'm so stressed, I'm scared that I'm going to get an aneurism.

Well...this whole day has been a struggle. First, I woke up with my body
aching not really wanting to get out of bed. Gypsy was selfishly only thinking about being held and I was selfishly thinking about laying in bed with the Sun on my face for a while. It ended up that I had this ball to prepare for and laying in bed was not an option. So, I get to twin's house. He informs me that our friend AngelinaJolie (AJ) had to
get her costume done for the ball. So, I waited for hers to be
done....which took from 3pm - 7pm. Yes...agony, annoyance..aggravation.
Check. Check. Check. I could've stayed in bed a few extra hours. Then
the fabric that we (meaning me, twin1 and angelinajoloe aka aj) kinda
quasi-stole (story to come) did not work for me at all. (Thanks
Karma...u rat ass biatch). So...as I waited for the bus...with AJ and
her beautiful new costume in tow, I checked again. Aggravtion.
Annoyance. Agony.
Check. Check. Check.

They brought their friend along. Migraine.

Check.