other men thing]I know bi-sexual doesn't mean gay. But, my experience with gay men states that bi-sexual is a masked term for gay. Its kinda the same thing to most people if you're a man. If you're a woman, its sexy to sleep with other women...therefore no problem. If you're a man, sleeping with other men and women is seen as a health risk and causes a whole host of problems.
Talking to Jake after a long day is heart-warming. He makes me laugh. He makes fun of me. He's someone I can talk to about anything. He's a gentleman. I don't think about him sexually, but I do think about what it would be like to date him, to hang out with him on a one-on-one level.I guess this is an occupational hazard of being a "hag." I know there is no future. I know there is no reason for me to even wonder about him. He is totally unattainable. He is an enigma - someone you would know for years and still not know. Yet, those are the reasons I am drawn to him.
Hopefully, it will pass. After 3 years of being in the ballroom scene, I have had my crushes on a few of the men I've encountered. Some of my best friendships are with men that if they were straight, would surely be in serious trouble. One was almost taken to that other level. He ooozed sex. Everytime I was around him, my face was hot. My blood was pumping. He was another who was bi-sexual. He has a reputation for fucking anything. But, being in his presence, made me forget about his reputation. When he hugged me, I felt like undressing. I've been attracted to only 2 other people like that before. It is a powerful thing. Looking back on it, as I see this person at balls with their male lover, I am glad I did not take it to that next level. As I know the same would be with this man.
But I do enjoy his conversation.I do love it when he takes my hand and walks me through the crowd. I feel beautiful when he talks to me. He makes me feel safe when he's around.
All I can say is, Man I need a boyfriend!