Friday, April 6, 2007

Late night confessional

Omg...can't sleep and its 1am. Have to be up bright and early tomorrow
to be a productive human being.

So, what's keeping me up?
I sat down and did my finances and I definitely need a 2nd job. I have
debt up the wazookas. What I think I may if at the end of the
summer I'm good on my bills, I should go and treat myself to a sweet lil
vacay...maybe Miami..maybe Puerto Rico...some place nice and warm and

I'm worried abt my relationship with AfroMan. My mom doesn't think he
may be good enough for me. Maybe she's right. I've been taking care of
him for the better part of our relationship. He finally got a job but
he's gonna quit it soon after he starts-- I can kinda feel it coming.
She doesn't understand what I see in him and some days I don't either.
But, I must say he's beautiful inside and out. Maybe part of me doesn't
think I deserve better. Maybe part of me has wanted him since freshman
year of high school and I finally have him and I don't want to give it
up. I dunno. He plays video games a lot. He has a lot going on around
him and doesn't pay enough attention to me when I talk to him on the
phone. He becomes a different person when I talk to him when he's around
his brothers. Maybe I'm giving too much. My friends r the type of people
who are together for years and years. Why can't I have that? Why can't I
make it work? I just don't get it.

I told BGF aka best gay friend...who needs a new name..that I can't
afford him on my phone bill. All he said was okay. OKAY......not I
understand. Not I'll give u part of the 4 months free phone I was
getting...not thank u for holding my head above water...not by the way I
ordered ring tones...not nothing. Just okay.

I'm so angry. But, its past anger for Afro..past anger for BGF...anger
at myself. I let myself be used.

No comments: