Tuesday, June 15, 2010

etrange amour

I'm learning French so a lot of my titles/what I say will be in that langugage, fyi

Aussie called me yesterday. I did makeup for a wedding. The bride was happy and glowing. My money was on time with a lil extra....sweet. Anywhosies, he called me while I was waiting to begin the makeup. Clearly, I couldn't talk but I could tell he was sad about something. He refused to tell me what it was but...

My heart broke a little bit. There he was, sad or depressed and I couldn't do anything to help him out and then boom...here I go, sucked in a bit more actually WANTING to help him, almost needing him to lean on me a little bit because I (dare I say) LIKE him???


Its not killing me that I can't speak to him until Friday when his phone gets turned back on or that I don't know his address to (y'know) randomly show up at his house or that he can only speak to me for about 10 minutes at a time while he's at work...its just mildly annoying.

I mean, what does one DO with these feelings?

I suppose we can have a relationship but what does that even mean?

I've decided that I want to move to Bermuda at the end of the Summer. Maybe, late September...soooooooo.......do I play now and then forget him once Labor Day hits? Who needs the heartache?

I was eavesdropping on a conversation these two girls were having on the train. One girl was telling the other that her boyfriend was moving to Europe at the end of the summer. She met him last month and she really likes him and she didn't see the harm in having him as her boyfriend now even though he's leaving. I want to take stock in her thinking but it kind of sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Also, there are some other dudes I kind of have my eye on as well. So, do I play the field and keep Aussie at bay or do I go all in with him....**sigh**

I wish I could talk to him...like really really talk to him.

I was thinking about him...and men in general and how men lie because they're afraid they're not going to get the sex. I kind of just want to look him in the eye and tell him to give it to me straight...no fancy words...no promises...just tell me what he wants and why he wants it. I can handle hearing "I just want to fuck because I'm bored." I can deal with it. I just don't want to be lied to because it all comes out in the wash.

I don't want to invest feelings in some bullshit because...really..haven't we all?

eh-trahnge ah-mour

1 comment:

Jaded said...

You know what I see. Just an unavailable guy. (is that rude? I apologize if it was)

I know you like him but isn't aggrivating how it just doesn't seem to work?

I tried to search to remember what happened with the two of you before but I couldn't find them so I just went to 2008 and clicked Dec. and a few posts popped up. You were saying how you felt like you always had to go to him and how his phone would get cut off, how he lacked ambition.

But whats different?

I'm def not trying to discourage you but sometimes when we've been away from something for an extended period we're able to detach. Which is wonderful. It's ridiculous (and emotionally draining to hold on to negativity.

But what also happens is we "forget" why things didn't work. Or we don't forget but maybe those things don't seem as impossible to overcome and then
We're right back to where we...left?

IDK. I could be wrong. I have a difficult time thinking about anything that doesn't involve law lol.

Bermuda sounds wonderful.