Monday, June 28, 2010

These Dreams are Forever!

Disclaimer: Today is the first day of my period so things may seem a little bit more dire than they actually guys tell me! weekend rocked and it just makes sense that Monday would suck the air out of me, no?

My mom keeps blowing up my phone. She called me on Saturday and left me an urgent message to take my laundry out of the basement. That's not fucking urgent! She does things like that all the time and so of course, when I saw a bunch of missed calls, I was not eager to hear what she had to say. I call her back and she's like...I'm applying for you to be a court clerk. The due date for applications is July 13th.

She starts asking me a million questions abt my job history and I'm like, "Can I just apply at home myself?"

She like, "No. You don't have the type of Adobe needed for the app process."

I sigh. She's like, "Do you want me to apply or not?"

I say no. I don't want to be a damn court clerk!

She's like well, what you're doing is not bringing you any money so you need to do something. I ask if we could talk ablt it later. She's like "NO! I want to talk about it now!"

I hang up on her.

She calls me back.

She's like "l know you didn't hang up on me! You need to remember I'm not one of your little friends....blah blah blah.. Why can't you have a job and do what you need to do on the side?"

I say...You just don't understand what its like to have to do something and its not your passion.

She's can't eat passion or pay your bills with it.

I'm like..I really don't want to talk about this now. She keeps pushing and pushing. Eventually, I just let her talk.

She gets the hint that I've shut down and so she's like..."Well since you don't want me to help you find a job, do it on your own but GET. A JOB!" Then she hangs up on me.

Yea, I'm not rolling in the dough...I'm struggling. Sometimes, I'd rather struggle and wear the same things over and over than work a fucking job that I hate day in and day out that sucks the life out of the creativity out of me.

I don't know what I'm going to do.
Sometimes, I just feel like I'm not going to make it and that everyone who told me so are going to laugh in my face and my mother will be first in line.


Jaded said...

I don't get it. You have your own apt. You pay your own bills. Of course it's every mothers dream that her child be financially stable but you are FAR from living in the gutter.

Just nod and smile and tell her you totally feel her and you'll do your best to find a job.

You can't make someone believe in YOUR dreams.

K♥E♥N♥Y♥A said...

Wow-moms will always be moms-no matter our age- I hate when they get like that though now that we're adults- ugh-my mama hangs up on me a lot but Ive never hung up on her- I dont know how shed react lol- anyhoo I agree with Jaded- you're far from the gutter- keep believing in you and what you're working toward- Oprah had to start somewhere! OK?!?!?!