Monday, July 5, 2010

Deep Thoughts

I hit 1,000 posts!! YAYYYYYY! I've shared 3 1/2 years of my life right here in this space and I'm glad to have done that with ya'll.. I've made some blog friends...lost some blog friends but all has been awesome! Soooooooooo, yea, since I don't think you guys want long posts...this is what happened today...I'll post other stuff later.

Today was the 4th of July and we (Wynsters, her friends and her bf) spent it on a rooftop in the village. It was pretty awesome. Before that, I was at church. Church was awesome as well. I love my church because I always feel empowered. I always leave feeling like I should do something that brings me closer to God which is the sole reason for going, no? I was leaving, I ran into BG. I couldn't find posts related to him but I change people's monikers sometimes so, I don't know. Anyway...BG is the poster-child for what I would want in a man. He's educated, learned, traveled, successful in his own business, mature, loves God with all his heart, yadda yadda...anyways...I kind of had my eye on him for a while when he says he has a girlfriend that lives in PA. I didn't get specifics but he basically has the means to drive out there to see her when he wants. He brings her to church today. There they were in their matching suits and she is gorgeous. I felt like an ogre. I ran into a dude I knew from my old church and he was giving me no vibes. Anyways, seeing BG and his girl threw me into a sadness.

I'm alone.

A lot of people think it is by choice but really....I WANT a boyfriend. I do. It just kind of sucks that I'm not meeting anyone that a) who likes me that is available b)who likes me that I like back or c) who likes me that I like back that I could date which is different from being available. I really thought about it and I had to ask myself:

Is it that these girls or faster than me that they reached the "Finish Line" before I did or was I never even in the race? Would I date me?

Then I thought up a whole list of things that I would change about me and began to feel sad when Wynsters invited me to the roof to watch the fireworks. Yea, a roof is not the best place to be when you're sad but I could never jump off a roof in front of my friend so...I guess it was fine. We had fun. I tried to hide my melancholy from them which I think I did. So, well done.

But really that question was eating at I dateable? I don't know what I need to do to rope a man but I need to figure it out...loneliness sucks.

1 comment:

K♥E♥N♥Y♥A said...

girl you sound like me- I had a convo last night with a friend and I was going on and on about the guys that I meet- and am I being too picky- should I settle- am I too slow blah blah blah- here's my conclusion that i always say when Im done with the convo to lighten the mood and move on - "Im done with men- Im not going gay so I'll have to become a nun" lol