Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Que Sera Sera

Nothing's really going on right now. Just the usual bull-ish.

I feel like a shadow of myself. I can't really wrap my head around
anything these days. I'm just up int clouds and I have to make myself
focus. Like nothing matters. If I got fired today, I would just go home
and sleep. I've been contemplating seeking counseling. Its just the
money issue. That would be $150 per check that I would devote to that.
Although I need it, I can't afford it.
This reminds me of someone who said they had a nervous breakdown. They
said they just didn't care anymore. Like they couldn't be bothered with
getting up in the morning or anything. This could be the early stages of
me having a nervous breakdown (!!!). I'm only half-kidding. I've tried
to work this out the free way, by talking to my girl friends. I don't
think they get it. I think they all want me to be ok, so they are in
denial more than I am. Funny how that If only I could will
my worries away and *poof*
I need to do something (stat!). This is affecting my writing.

On another note, I've been making more of an effort to be apart of my
gay son's life. He is a freakin handful. I think as a sort of scared
straight tactic people should mentor a gay man who's in his late
teens/early 20's. That shit is freakin crazy. He's done more in his life
sexually than I could even picture myself doing. His ambition level
needs to be higher and thts what he and I fight about. A lot. He wants a
retail job. I told him he should go for something clerical so that he
could have it on his resume. No. He wants to work at stupid H&M for the
discounts. *shakes head*

I know he needs me in his life. The eternal voice of reason, even if
that voice gets hoarse trying to get his silly ass to listen. But what
can I say, I love him.

Next month, another ball. This time in D.C. (Yay!)
I'm actually excited. I have to look like a Bond Girl. That says big
hair, tight dress, and guns...woo hoo!

What else.....hmmmmm........I dunno. I found 2 bands I like. Yelle and
Brazilian G irls. They're from France. Really interesting music.iif you
download Brazilian Girls, my fave song is "Lazy Lover." Yelle, "A Cause
de Garcones'

Ahhh yes...late for work...again!

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