Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Full Disclosure

He called.
We text(ed).

I was liking him a little more. He has the qualities I like in my man - driven, ambitious and focused. He's not the best grammatically (where homonyms are concerned). He flirted well - a little too much innuendo for my taste but you know what, Nina, give him a break...I said. He seemed tot be a stand-up guy and I was planning on taking my time anyway.

Mike: Why are you single?
Me: Hmmm...I guess you could say I was focusing on my business. You?
Mike:Well me. I've been threw a lot of stuff in my life so I learn never to rush for a relationship and focus on my goals
Me: Amen!

He added me on Facebook.

And that's where he made the mistake.

He went through all of my pictures. I've been on FB since '03. I haven't cleaned out my pics in a while - a while being since my trip to Miami in '05. He proceeded to comment on my pics verbally while on the phone with me.

"Oh, you don't mind being in a swimsuit? It looks good."

"Who's this girl with all the tattoos you're in a lot of pics with?"

- Ummmm....he was referring to pics from 2 summers ago with a tattooed lesbian model friend.

"It looks like you like girls."
"From that one pic?"
"You guys seem very comfy."
"Well, I'm not a lesbian. She's a model. I'm a makeup artist. Thanks." (Fuck off)
"Don't get offended. I like girls who like girls." (*rolls eyes*)

(Why is this coming up so much lately?) Annnnnndddd...he then proceeded to ask me more questions about people I was pictured with. I deflected and finally shut it down with a swift, "Are we really going through each picture you find interesting?"

*red flag* *red flag* *red flag*

It didn't sit well with me. Also, besides those questions, he just talked. About himself, his business - all about his business, his room mate, his upcoming trip to Miami (I think).

I slept on it. A lightbulb went off. History has shown me that if a man is so focused on who you're with it usually means he has some skeletons to hide. I didn't once ask him or even think twice about the girls on his FB. (He has a clothing line and various women modeling. He's pictured with only one.)

I looked - none of the girls were tagged. I looked at a comment he made on someone's photo "she looks good...my wife would be jealous"


I clicked on it. It took me to a photo of a friend's car. Ohhh....maybe he has a car. I clicked on another picture of said friend's. A different name was tagged in that picture and that person looked just like Mike.

It sure was him but the profile pic was of the girl he was pictured with on his other profile. Same location. Same birthday. Status: Married.

Errrr? Come again? Married. I was furious. How dare you question me! You had your chance to say that your situation is whatever it is.

I text:
Hey. How you doin?
M: I'm good. Omw to work
Me: Cool. Let me ask, how long have you been married?
*long pause*
M: On and off 3 years. But its a personal matter which I will explain to u not wit textin though
Me: Ok
M: You must've looked through my friends list
Me: No. I saw your *other* FB page. It was interesting
M: Well like I said. its complicated to explain over textin

I needed a wise word. I sought Trish.

She told me she'd been in my shoes before and basically...it wouldn't go anywhere. After careful consideration for like - 20 seconds - I realized, she was right.
At the end of the day...his status is MARRIED. Its stupid to try and get with someone who's in the process of a divorce/separation, whatever he's going to tell me it is. I went out with a divorced guy - he was divorced less than a year. That ended up in tears (on his pasrt.) It is also uber shady that dude has 2 pages. I've been trying to ask myself if I expected him to tell me in our 1st conversation. The answer is no. But, what he said was misleading. He could've said something along the lines of I'm separated. Its complicated. I'll explain later. Don't make it out like this big secret.

I've had my share of dudes who are creative with the truth. I've also had my fill with entrepreneurs. I think I'm good with just a regular working stiff.
Hopefully, a guy who knows the difference between through and threw and I don't where clothes.

I told Trish...its crazy. Women are expected to go through whatever. Deal with whatever and still have faith in men. I still have faith. I'd much rather not play games.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


★Starrla Monae☆ said...

*blank stare* He's married??? Why do men still play those damn games?!?!?! What happened to honesty?! BE HONEST DAMMIT! Geez! The internet will get folks so caught up...wow. I don't believe him. That's so messy and childish.

Anonymous said...

I have two pages - not so much for shadiness but because all the old ladies at my church wanted to friend me. And while my exploits are more tame than not, I have the mouth of a sailor, and didn't want to subject them to that!


As far as your married guy... BOO! You're right, a little honesty goes a long way. And while you may have not been interested in dating him while he was going through his divorce/separation/whatever, you might have been open to him in the future, and possibly made a new friend. Now he is just that guy with the two FB pages who has been "on and off" married for three years.

On and off. Where they do that at?

Wait, didn't your friend know him? Why didn't we (you) get the heads up?

Monique said...

Excuse me for a moment....WHAT IN THEE FUCK?! How are you married off and on for 3 years? Either you married or not; if there are no divorce papers, you are married bruh. Nina, I am so glad you got out of this before this fool tried to play mind games with you. I dont know why they try to lie and then post all their business on FB, Twitter and blogs. Hello! You are going to get caught. Big dummy.

Young woman on a journey said...

so, you know i was already preparing my response for his going through your facebook so attentively...but damn, he beat me to the "he's shady" punch. smh. i'm not even surprised.

Nina said...

@ Starr - yes, girl! FB will do you in every time!

@ Sugar - I thought about having 2 pages when my mom's friends started requesting me. I can hardly maintain 1 page. Its not worth it. Be who you are. Either curb the foul language - which you should probably do anyway or they're just going to have to accept what you do and what you say.

Monique - girl, i said the same thing!