Bdot and I met at a house party thrown for my friend who'd come home after being in Brazil for a year. He approached immediately, we exchanged numbers and he reached out to me...about doing makeup for his after school program's production. I did. It was...scary. Kids are crazy.
A week or so later, we were BBM'ing each other starting from maybe 10ish til 2 - about everything and then of course, he ends it with - "Come over." This was around Christmas. I'd already rebounded with Carter and the whole aftermath with that was shitty. I wasn't trying to go and give him nothing I can't take back.
I'd been invited to another house party this Saturday that he and his friends are throwing and I got the grand idea to BBM him tonight.
Snippet of the convo:
Me: I was talking to a friend about moving to Houston, your hometown
Me: She lives there. I'm flexible. Couldn't hurt. I'd rather find a real job than try and freelance out there.
B: Jobs r there. Houston is a good place to be
(Blah blah blah. I told him we should go and make caramel-chocolate babies in Houston)
Me: You're funny-style though.
B: I am?
Me: You disappeared
B: I didn't mean to. Honestly I thought that we were in 2 diff places. I'm single and not really sure what my next move is and it seemed u knew what u wanted.
(I thought I had the whole aloof thing going for me but he's the 2nd guy to tell me they know what I want)
Me: What do I want?
B: You tell me
Me: I want something meaningful. I've done the fwb thing. Someone always gets hurt.
B: Yeah that can happen
Me: You threw me for a loop with that 2am come over line
B: Lol. Well that's what I feelin at the time. I wanted u. But that didn't mean it was just a fuck thing. But I can understand how it came off
B: Just being honest
Me: I appreciate it! Trust me!
B: U r really cool, funny and I like that. I am sexually attracted too so I kind of fell back bcuz I didn't want to come off like I just wanted to fuck u
Me: Well, I'm glad we cleared that up!
I'm kind of questioning what the hellz I want to do. I haven't been kissed since November (!!!) AND (sorry) that kiss wasn't great. The Nigerian didn't like to kiss. Oooohhhh, Aussie's kisses make your panties drop on command. So, you could say my last good kiss was in the summer - June. Geeeeeeeeez. If he's not a good kisser, he's not getting the panties.
I know that what men say and what men do are two different animals..however (!) I do miss touch. Part of me is hella self-conscious though. The winter + eczema has left my skin uber scaly and untouchable and I'm fat. The Nigerian loved to make me look at us both naked in the mirror. He has a great body while I'm bulgy. *sigh*
I was neeeever self-conscious with men. Being that way just hurts the experience.
I am looking forward to seeing him on Saturday. I want to look hot, smell good and flirt shamelessly.
Even after he said what he said...you still have to work for this!
(*title is from Rihanna's - Raining Men. She says "they be falling out the rain/ so whatchu worried bout/always raining men girl/we aint worried out...yes, indeed)
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