Almost 26

I was talking to this kid at my job and he was just so....young.

The way he spoke to me...the things he said...I wondered about myself. If that were me years ago. All I could do was shake my head. I turned to my coworker and said, "How old do you think that kid is?"

"18/19"

 "Geez...I'm old. 19 seems so...young now, doesn't it?"

"It sure does." (she's 29)

My birthday is on the 4th of February and the planning is well under way...I just have to organize the outfit and the hair and the actual itinerary for the day. Everyone in my immediate circle should know its my day and should begin to shower me with love and treat me like a princess.... :)

 There's kind of a guy in the picture..but not really. His name is...Trini. I met him at the Marquez-Pacquiao fight party I forgot to blog about back in November. He was super cool and comfortable to talk to since my friends were kind of booed up for the night. He's 42. Had 3 kids, a boy and 2 girls (2 of which are twins, I forget which.) He was married for 12 yrs and has been divorced for about a year. His oldest is 11 and his youngest are 8. He works for the Board of Ed in Maintenance and works nights. We have been talking ever since the fight, frequently sending each other pics of ourselves, calling and texting. We haven't been on a date yet which kind of bugs me but not as much as you think it would. Our schedules are crazy and part of me thinks he's scared. When I bring it up, he says he hasn't been on a date with someone since he and his wife started dating 20 years ago. He says he feels as if he were in jail for the past 12 years and the whole dating world is different. He wants to take it slow. We're taking it slow. We're friends.

I like him, though.

 He calls when he says he will. He always sends me messages to let me know he is thinking of me. He makes me smile and laugh. I feel secure with him (for the most part) I talked to my brother about him when I was in SC. He said he thinks its a bad idea to try and date him because of his age and the fact that he already has a family. He feels as though he wouldn't want to build anything with me because he's already done that. My bro has a point.


 Today, me and Trini were talking. He said, "My friend tried to set me up on a blind date. I wasn't having that. I knew the lady was older than me. We kind of just talked first. She was telling me about dating. She's divorced after 20 years of marriage. I thought I was crying...I know she is really crying. Being divorced from the person I thought I would be with forever is really tough. I'm not even going to lie to you. Anyway, we had an interesting conversation. It's not going to go anywhere but she's good to talk to."....."I told my friend about you. I told her I met a nice young woman whom I have crazy chemistry with. She has a beautiful smile and is always laughing and easy to talk to. She's smart, ambitious and is mad cool. I'm not sure where this is going to go. I want to take this year to get myself together after this divorce. I need to figure out who I am. I would be kidding myself if I didn't say that I want female company...whether its a friends with benefits relationship or whatever. I wish I could be friends with someone, we chill, we laugh and talk and we know where we stand with each other." He flat out told me what he wants without putting it in black and white but it kind of is...

I told BFF this year... "I am not going to expect things from people that they either can't or are unwilling to give me."

Friends with benefits...ummmmm...been there done that...am ducking from the person that was with. I respect him for telling me straight up. I really don't expect someone who has been out of the scene for 20 years to want to be with the first girl he meets post-divorce. BUT, I do have to be honest with myself and what I want...I want to be someone's girlfriend, fiance, then wife. I want to have children and build a home together.

Where do we go from here???

He didn't definitively say that he want FWB with me. I haven't (successfully) had sex in a year. I say successfully because the little 5 mins with Aussie was aborted due to it being terribly painful and me bleeding a little bit after he tried to penetrate me with his giant penis. (lol)

Do I want to have sex? Hell yea. Is this an area of my life I should probably leave to God and have Him work it out? Yes. Is he sexy and do I want to jump him? Hell yea. Ultimately, I do want to take my time. Enjoy a friendship with him and see where it goes from there. I invited him to my birthday dinner. He told me he was jumping out the cake and sent me a half-naked picture of himself.

Two words: Geez Louise.