Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Blog Fam, Ya'll Gonna Have to Bail Me Out of Jail!

I swear I am going to assault someone.

I'm seriously contemplating changing careers because something's got to give. I woke up this morning and it took a pep talk to get out of bed. Baby, I am stressed! So, completely stressed and angry at life...at people...at things beyond my control. I know not to these things because they are not me...but I just can't help myself. It's not just my work. I spend at least 50 hours a week there, so it is a significant part of it. It's my finances, love life - Dames, the Kappa Guys, the Blairs of the world, my living situation, my body...my all.

What I will tell my children is the most difficult part of life is figuring out what you want out of it.

I keep going back to that.

I want to be free.
I remember when I was younger. Before the bottom fell out, that was all I wanted to be - light as a feather.

Now...that's all I want to be.

I am so exhausted. In the middle of my workday, I want to burst out into tears.
I have never been so stressed. I'm drowning in work and as much as I ask for help, I keep getting denied. What do I do?

One of the black men that works here told the Jewish owner, it was time for his review. He literally works 7 days a week and wanted his pay to reflect that. The owner said his pay was like that because of the choices he made when he was a teenager.

True but cold.

My pay is like this because of the choices I am making now.

Realistically, I can leave and go to a lower paying position...where?
The economy is shit.
I didn't graduate college.
Where am I going to go where I am not support staff?

I am beyond frustrated.


On a lighter note,

I lost the pageant. BUT, I beat the person I wanted to beat. All is ok. I will see one of my old nemesis(es ?) next month at the next pageant...Let the games begin.

I haven't competed in a while which was probably the cause of my nervousness and self-doubt before. I'm over it and ready for some competition.

I am in control.

I was looking pretty hot to trot, too. Why did I think someone stole my entire outfit? Shoes, Crown, Dress, Sash...the whole kit and caboodle?

A sista was breaking...for days...

Until, I saw a friend last night and he was like, "Oh, I have it. I didnt want someone to take it."

Lawd....I was so grateful...I didn't even side-eye him for not telling me sooner.

1 comment:

Eb the Celeb said...

Definitely set a plan for yourself... if you go int he archives of the first post of RBW and do that little task it will help you lay down your goals and put things into perspective... the first thing to do when unhappy about yourself it to make a plan on how to make it better....

you know your going to be too fierce... sometimes we just have to be patient and wait on that blessing... and when it does come we will appreciate it more for everything we had to do to get there...

so good luck missy... and plz dont get arrested... can people in jail blog anyway? they have computers in jail right? LOL