I swear I am going to assault someone.
I'm seriously contemplating changing careers because something's got to give. I woke up this morning and it took a pep talk to get out of bed. Baby, I am stressed! So, completely stressed and angry at life...at people...at things beyond my control. I know not to these things because they are not me...but I just can't help myself. It's not just my work. I spend at least 50 hours a week there, so it is a significant part of it. It's my finances, love life - Dames, the Kappa Guys, the Blairs of the world, my living situation, my body...my all.
What I will tell my children is the most difficult part of life is figuring out what you want out of it.
I keep going back to that.
I want to be free.
I remember when I was younger. Before the bottom fell out, that was all I wanted to be - light as a feather.
Now...that's all I want to be.
I am so exhausted. In the middle of my workday, I want to burst out into tears.
I have never been so stressed. I'm drowning in work and as much as I ask for help, I keep getting denied. What do I do?
One of the black men that works here told the Jewish owner, it was time for his review. He literally works 7 days a week and wanted his pay to reflect that. The owner said his pay was like that because of the choices he made when he was a teenager.
True but cold.
My pay is like this because of the choices I am making now.
Realistically, I can leave and go to a lower paying position...where?
The economy is shit.
I didn't graduate college.
Where am I going to go where I am not support staff?
I am beyond frustrated.
On a lighter note,
I lost the pageant. BUT, I beat the person I wanted to beat. All is ok. I will see one of my old nemesis(es ?) next month at the next pageant...Let the games begin.
I haven't competed in a while which was probably the cause of my nervousness and self-doubt before. I'm over it and ready for some competition.
I am in control.
I was looking pretty hot to trot, too. Why did I think someone stole my entire outfit? Shoes, Crown, Dress, Sash...the whole kit and caboodle?
A sista was breaking...for days...
Until, I saw a friend last night and he was like, "Oh, I have it. I didnt want someone to take it."
Lawd....I was so grateful...I didn't even side-eye him for not telling me sooner.