I'm still alive ya'll.
Let me try to update you guys in a way that in concise and ish.
Love and Other Drugs
In my mind DK and I are done-zo. I'd been weaning myself off of thinking about him after we went out about 2 or 3 weeks ago. We met up and sat in Bryant Park. We talked about some things. He basically said what he always says...hold on....when I start school it will be better. I'll have less jobs...yadda yadda yadda....
I won't lie. I was kinda stuck on him because I don't like anyone. A man has to have the right mix of intellect, ambition, humor and social skills for me to melt like butter. He has it. Every relationship needs attention and affection to grow and we weren't growing. So, I needed to move on so that I wouldn't remain stuck and I wouldn't start resenting him.
At the end of the day, I felt like he had me on lay-away and that he just wasn't that into me. Today in church, my pastor said the craziest thing. He said, "Ladies, don't you ever wait for a man. Once you wait and they come back to you, they realize they've outgrown you." - Oh hells nawl. I'm not going to be a sucka. All I can see is...*Antoine D voice* 'He is dumb. he is really really dumb' - to not want to scoop my flyy ass up. *drops mic* "Sexual Chocolate everybody!"
So, of course in my craziness, I decided to try Match.com on the insistence of BFF and Toni Childs. I tried it free and poked my head around because I felt like anyone paying $20 - $40 a month is hella serious about finding someone. Of course, all the dudes that hit me up were over 40, sometimes over 50. and white. Ummm, I would date a white boy. He has to be a certain type of man. Old and over 50 is not him. So, I need to delete my profile.
I think I'm just going to give this whole dating thing a rest. Its becoming an anxious thing for me. Everytime I go out, I think...am I going to see a cute guy today? If so, will he/I be interested? Its a drain!
That draining feeling is what kind of kept me stuck on DK for longer than it would've normally had...because the process of finding someone sucks. I guess because they're supposed to find you.
I am kinda lonely though. Lonely is no joke. Lonely eats at you. Lonely gets you into trouble because you run to the wrong things trying to get away from it. It hasn't driven me insane yet. So, I guess I'm alright.
Work and Projects
Work was kicking my ass for a while (like a month and a half). I literally am at work all day like "these people are nuts!" My body is used to standing up all day. Its the salary that needs adjusting. I'm trying to move my way up and stuff.
I was Service Leader of the Day which means I got $10, my pic on the wall in the lunchroom and 3 pseudo-expensive perfumes. The other girls are hating. So, me being me, I started singing Trina "Baddest Bitch" to them.
My boss keeps saying that I'm her favorite. That ish is going to cause contention with my co-workers soon. I can tell but I'm hoping that it'll be okay. I may have an opportunity to do a makeup event with my company and go traveling to the different stores. *crossed fingers*
I need more money!! Damn!
I resigned my position at the magazine. It feels like a weight off my shoulders. I wished Editor the best and I meant it. Her dependency on me was probably holding her back. Who knows? Only God.
BFF had Baby BFF on August 16th. She was 7lbs 10oz. She is a doll!!!
Punjabi has been really excellent with the baby and of course BFF has stars in her eyes and ish. she needs to get real about what she wants and what's feasibly her future with dude.
He overheard me and Toni talking bad about him. I felt bad and sent him an apology text. My friendship with BFF is changing. I realized two things about her.
1. She can't hold water. She told me about a conversation she had with her ex-husband. She told him that Toni was having a relationship with her cousin. She told everyone that Toni was having a relationship with her cousin. She told her ex that Toni saw him on TV twice in the same jeans. The first thing he said was, "Tell Toni to stop fucking her cousin." O.O In the moment, it was funny but then I thought...if she told this man she speaks to maybe 10 times a year something hella personal about Toni, what has she told him about me? What does Toni know about me if I know some SHIT about her? For a moment, it felt hypocritical of me to blog about her in detail and I have told Twin some stuff about BFF and Toni but the people I've told stuff, I know they would never ever throw it back in her face. The chances of you blog readers of meeting me and her aren't that slim but I'm sure you decent people wouldn't be like..."wait, are you the girl that was fucking her cousin?" after saying hello.
Now that I think about it, Toni mentioned something in mixed company that I did and I was hella embarassed about it. She only knew about it because BFF told her. SO, I guess that puts the nail in that coffin. Moral of the day, ladies and gents, if a friend tells you something and you just MUST share it: blog it anonymously and make sure they don't dig blogs, tell someone whom you know will never tell another soul or at least blurt it out in front of them or just tell it to Jesus.
2. Toni also said she would stop telling BFF about her relationship with Punjabi. Clearly, she's not going anywhere. Why should I listen to her bitch and moan about what he does to her - what she allows him to do to her - when she doesn't heed my advice? My advice hasn't changed... Leave that n-word alone! Since she wants to marry him (!!!) and make babies with him and such...what I say is like a drop in a bucket of water - inconsequential.
I know our relationship is changing because once you start limiting your communication with people...what you can and can't say to them...its over!
But the other part of me is saying I need life-long friends around me. What do you think?
That's all for now.