Monday, October 3, 2011

happy and sad

i'm super happy to be going to houston. i arrive 11:59 on this thursday evening and its amazing that trish has been generous enough to help me with a ticket and open her doors to me (and my pooch)...who does that?? thank you!!!

this trip has been the light at the end of the tunnel for me because there are so many things making me sad here. i'm going to try and balance the happy with the sad.

louie (i changed the spelling of his name) is so sweet and he listens to commands. he peed on my floor and i told him to go! and he

aussie and i were supposed to hang out last night. i told myself ...i would not confirm the date nor would i cook because i want to see his intentions. i am usually the one confirming our meet-ups just because i am super type a all the time and i always have a hot meal waiting for him. i was kind of OVER aussie anyway because we were also supposed to hang out on friday at his house which he conveniently misunderstood as us meeting at my house. i've known this dude for 3 years and i still haven't been invited to his house. something is fishy. so..anyways,i did compromise and agree to meet at my house on sunday because i wanted to see him before i left for houston and i really just needed a hug and a kiss. you know..some affection. but not really sex cuz that ish is PAINFUL right now.

anyways....sunday, i get a text from him asking, "what's for dinner?"
me: ?
aussie: oh ok then
me: you're welcome to bring something
aussie: i don't have anything (umm, what does that mean?)
me: so, you going home first?
aussie: i don't have food at home. (IS IT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO FEED YOU?)
me: so, what do you want to do?
aussie: idk
me: ok, let me know.

did he indeed let me know? NO. I actually called him today and he didn't pick up.


so, i went through the motions: angry then sad. hoping indifference would be next.
its not about being stood up...its about me not providing a need for him and him going ghost. ugh! i don't even want to talk about it anymore. i knew better. i deserve better and i'm just not going to go backwards anymore.

sn: how you gonna be on facebook talking about.."call you anything but broke" and all this other shit and you don't even have money for food. you can't even bring over some chinese to my house. i bet if i said all this shit about how i can do splits and cartwheels in the bedroom and then when it came down to it, said i was celibate, i'd get into some serious trouble. OVER IT.

i went IN on my makeup today. i looked really nice.

my job.
is killing me.
as wynsters says all the time, "i need a grown up job with a grown up salary."
i got picked on hella hard today and was threateneed to be sent home if i don't keep my white lab coat clean.
firstly, WHO THE FUCK gives someone who works with makeup all day a white lab coat? THEN, i'm expected to clean dust, get stock from a dirty stock room and do all this foolishness in a white lab coat.
oh yea...AND my nails are hunter green when they're supposed to be clear, pink or red. I really want to be like "Fuck OFf!"

i'm so tired. i'm so tired. i'm so tired.
i gotta make some major changes.

we danced yesterday in church and people are giving us rave reviews.

bff is lost in the baby sauce.
chick doesn't respond to texts/phone calls until days later. i called her on friday and am still waiting for a response (monday night)...smh.
i want to ask her to take me to the airport on thursday but honestly, walking to the airport seems like an easier option. like, by the time, i'd get a yes or a no...i'll already be in houston or be looking for a ride back home from the airport.
i'm kind of over that situation too.
we're just 2 different people. i always reach out to the people around me. i couldn't really be in a bubble like that...not unless i purposefully did so and that would mean serious depression.its just annoying.

i'm pretty sure i have first world problems and it could be worse. i'm blessed.

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