Thursday, January 18, 2007

Let's Reflect....

I've had to deal with some crazy my past.
It hit me as I was reading this one woman's blog. She details how her ex
is a lawyer and she has to be in court at least once a month..he spit on
her while they had sex...he threatened to kill her and her friends...he
was a total maniac and I reflected on not 1 but at least 2 crazy exes
who could mimic that same situation...not of course to that degree..but
I've been hit before..threatened more than once...almost assaulted
sexually...craziness...I'm pretty. I'm clever..sometimes
funny...intelligent...but I don't think that I warrant that reaction if
I choose to leave. Hmmmm....I don't think it was my beauty or
intelligence...wit or even the poontang that caused this, more so, I
think it was those men's need for control. We do date our fathers? No?
My dad wasn't controlling..but he did have his ways. He never hit my
mom..but he did have a temper that I graciously inherited. He never was
threatening or menacing to me...I always remember his smiling and
laughing but I could imagine.
So in thinking abt all this in relation to who I am...and who I'm with
and the logistics of it all...I'm blessed. Afroman is not going to beat
my ass, threaten to kill me or even give me a harsh look. He's a
gentleman..he's a gentle man. Part of me thinks on some level that I
don't deserve him..and I'm learning to appreciate that in lleu of what
I've gone through...I do deserve it but I just gotta try not to fuck it
Which is harder than it sounds for the #1 FuckUp's what I'm calling myself from now Lol...

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