Thursday, January 18, 2007

Today I feel....

I feel defeated. As if everytime I punch in, a little part of me dies just slightly. I hate this job with a passion that I reserve for Afroman...for God (sometimes)....

"GoodAfternoon, thank you for calling (daytime location) " as I rhetorically pull down my pants and allow myself to be flogged just a little bit more.

Pieces of me die do I escape this? I have obligations now...financially. No kids yet but I feel as though I do.

I need my own apartment. I want a car. Those things symbolize independence.
I want to pull my friends up from the bottom to where I am but I can only do me.

Someone called me the sweetest person that they know. I laughed hard. On the inside, I knew it was true, but I have all this agression on the inside. I have no idea where this has come from or what it will metastasize into...interesting word - metastasize...look it up..yes like cancer. if not dealt with immediately..i feel like it can grown and infect other areas of your life.

my thoughts are really dark today. "charlie murphy's sad..." lol

feeling kind of situation is driving me now. feeling kind of teary-eyed...trying to keep it together. another day of dark clouds...
feelin like my life is a run-on sentence...right about now. tired...
tired of being there for everyone.
tired of looking happy on the outside.
tired of being used for everything.
tired of being perfect.
tired of being together...just want to fall apart. throw a tantrum..cry..kick...
but i can't ever..
Good Afternoon, thank you for calling (daytime location).....
{dying inside piece by piece}

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