Tuesday, January 30, 2007


I felt the danger. I felt the awakening of something that in my heart of hearts something was not right.
I saw them walk past me as I gabbed on my phone. I felt my heart lurch as they walked up to me confrontational yet maintaining a ruse of friendliness. I don't speak to women outside of my work, my family, and the handful of close friends I have. Yet... I gave them the benefit of the doubt. The shorter one snatched my phone. The taller looked shocked for a moment and ran as well. The adrenaline pumped and I ran after them..knowing danger in the back of my mind. I saw a flash of a knife, a gun, an angry fist coming toward me in my mind. We fought. She tugged at my purse, in her attempt to get more from me. We fought more. Me..The gentle Juicy..I realized she was with child..the taller of the two. I let her go. She called me a name. I thought of the child she carried inside of her. I thought how sad. How sad to jeopardize a life.How sad to taint a new life with an event so ugly and how quickly and easily I subdued her. How quickly and easily I could have scarred her life....I could've done anything to that creature inside of her. I thought how anything could've ended my life. I am worth more than a $250 Sidekick3. But, then the storm clouds came as I walked to the precinct. I looked into the eyes of the detective who was empathetic. The rain fell down from my eyes.
I walked home..half numb...
Questioning why.
Why would so many things happen to me? I've lost so much. I've lost so much in my life that I don't care about losing.
The rain stopped falling and the clouds are leftThe only things I treasure are AfroMan, BestFriend, my life, my face, my body. Eventually the latter 2 will fade. That loss will come with time and with time I will adjust.
I know that it was an inanimate object, but it was my portal to the outside world...it was an unwavering confidante. I held many thoughts, conversations, notes, pictures, reminders in there.
It was taken from me violently.
I am trying to get over it slowly. Yesterday, the entire scenario ran through my mind like a looped video all day.
I have my distractions today. I still feel like I'm banging up against a wall. I have no phone. My phone is never interrupted for non-payment. This is the first time since I can remember..probably my college days where my phone has been off. To think, my stepmother said that if I had stayed with my other phone, I wouldn't be in the predicament that I am in when I asked to use the home phone. To kick someone when they are low. That's her nature...
Cest la vie...yet I'm still stifling the anger. The clouds are parting.

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