Wednesday, April 28, 2010

What A Girl Wants

Tonight was the last night of my singles group at church. I'm genuinely going to miss going.

It was basically 10 weeks of analyzing yourself. Figuring out where your flaws are, where you've gone wrong and how to avoid falling into those pitfalls again. I loved it.

I thought I had it all figured out but now....

I don't know.

With this trip to London and all the things I want to do in the future...it is really uncertain if I'll stay in NYC. This summer, I plan to work my butt off in order to afford the things I want to do and now.......
I'm thinking...do I want to even try and be someone's girlfriend?

The answer is no.
I don't want anyone to try and clip my wings. I don't even want to be placed in a position where I feel that I may have to choose between them and travel.

I want to date and have fun and enjoy sex.

15 months of celibacy and I've learned a lot but am I really ready to go back to frivolous sexual relationships?

I feel like I've lost my mojo. The way I move is different. I'm not even in that conquest mode. I have no clue what is next for me.

We all know what my faith says. It says to wait until marriage. I'm not sure if that is possible. You have to know what you want in order to get it. I want to go out on dates and have sex but I don't want to develop strong ties. That's kind of impossible. Once you sleep with someone, going out is usually null and void and once you sleep with them, strong ties are formed. I just don't know...
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2 comments:

Young woman on a journey said...

yah. it is tough to weigh all of this. once you know who you are and what you want, you aren't so keen on trivial relationships. but its hard when you crave male attention but know you aren't ready for a real relationship and therefore, not really the sex. hmmm...tough tough tough.

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

I've been on an "involuntary" sexual hiatus for a year and personally, when it's been that long, your mindframe changes and you really don't want the frivolous hook-ups. My faith is the same as yours. Fornication is a sin....but then you have the urges to dabble with what you once used to indulge in. It's a struggle most times. Hell, it's a struggle ALL the time!