Saturday, April 4, 2009

Re-Dedication + So Special + Meant to Be?

(Get comfy...this is gonna be a long post)

Thursday night, I was a mix between sad and mad. I was so frustrated because I've been working so hard and not really seeing a return on my work..

I left job#2 about 2 hours early and ordered a Texas-sized drink from BBQ's, ready for light-hearted conversation and a bundle of laughs.

I got God-talk.

I love God but lately, that is all BFF wants to talk about. She's focused. I get it. The world that God made is a lot wider and bigger. I really do believe in everything in moderation. BFF is an extremist. So, I indulge and then change the conversation as much as possible.

Which is what I did.

But then, we started talking about how BFF's friend waited til she was married to have sex. she was with her husband for 5 years before they got married. It was hard but it was best.

I asked about intimacy in regular relationships. She said that God ordained that intimacy to happen in marriage and that that's why break-ups are so hard. Its like going through a divorce. She's so right. Its been 2 years since Afroman and I broke up and it still hurts.

It reminded me of a twitter convo I was having with someone else who was like dudes wanna live with you and expect you to have their backs in every way, borrow money from you when they're low, have sex with them on demand. I was like, that's a wife. She was like, they don't know the difference. Its true. The only difference between a real marriage and what I had with Afroman was a ring, a ceremony, and an official commitment (see post:cheaper to keep her). If marriage is something I ultimately want, why not make 'em wait?

Sounds good? Yea. But I'm just scared that if I make it OFFICIAL, I'm gonna face some bitter temptation and end up breaking it (which BFF did) and suffer for it (which BFF did).

I mean, let's face it...I've made some decisions with my crotch. (See Aussie chapters 1 and 2, Blair, KappaGuy 1st Chapter, Dame,...)

I mentioned that I might be going celibate to Afroman. Ummm. Yes, we talk everyday. He thought it was a good idea but that it might be hard for me (I was sort of a lil aggressive in bed when we were together). I was like, wouldn't you feel special if you married a girl who waited years to have sex because she was waiting specifically for you or is that notion archaic? He said it would be awesome.

You know Nina, you are special.

*insert beating heart*
Thank you.

I mean that.

I know.

What the heck do you say after that?

Thank God for emoticons. I smiled. Lol

Shortly after that KappaGuy cancelled on me. He got caught in the rain.

YW, said something on the lines..if its meant to be...

Afroman said I should go to the museum alone. I did. I almost slipped in the heels I was wearing and so I decided to go home.

Later, KG text me if we could do a midnight movie. Sounded like a set-up for something else. I declined.

It was good that I did. I got home and a cold was setting in. I felt so weak and horrible. Went to bed.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


neemie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
neemie said...

i'd watch it with anyone who takes god to the extreme. if they were at anytime "addicted" to something else, they just traded. and once the god thing doesn't pan out, they'll be back to the other side.

sincerity in god is hard to find but you'll know it when you see it. trust me. i've been in church all my life until two years ago. i've seen and heard it all.

i find it weird that it never dawns on women that the reason why they're having such a hard time with relationships is because they're dating the wrong type of men.

not all men want to drain you dry and leave you hanging. but if it seems like every guy you date is the same way, then it's time for some self-examination.

afroman seems to be your kryptonite. i'd stay away from him. it's never a good idea to be friends with someone you still have deep feelings for. it always ends in tears.

whew, that was long...

Young woman on a journey said...

nina, i think you are way stronger than you know. and while a man would feel special if you waited, he should also feel special to be yours. i guess its all in perspective. i told you i've been through this stage before. in the end, you just have to be able to live with yourself no matter what.

Laura said...

k, couple of things: wait until marriage? DUDE, thats like buying a car without test driving (PS it actually doesn't say wait until marriage in the bible... it just tended to be prostitutes who had sex before marriage. BECAUSE, when men realized the role they played in reproduction they developped a patriarchal system bc they don't wanna be involved in raising another man's child... So says Simone de Beauvoir anyway)

Thing number 2: I am Christian, but I've got mad beef with christianity... I mean really, does God care who you have sex with? Who you love etc? I hope not! Love is love. Sex is a part of that, marriage or no. I'm pretty sure God is more chill then most religions give Her credit for!

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