Re-Dedication + So Special + Meant to Be?

(Get comfy...this is gonna be a long post)

Thursday night, I was a mix between sad and mad. I was so frustrated because I've been working so hard and not really seeing a return on my work..

So...
I left job#2 about 2 hours early and ordered a Texas-sized drink from BBQ's, ready for light-hearted conversation and a bundle of laughs.

I got God-talk.

I love God but lately, that is all BFF wants to talk about. She's focused. I get it. The world that God made is a lot wider and bigger. I really do believe in everything in moderation. BFF is an extremist. So, I indulge and then change the conversation as much as possible.

Which is what I did.

But then, we started talking about how BFF's friend waited til she was married to have sex. she was with her husband for 5 years before they got married. It was hard but it was best.

I asked about intimacy in regular relationships. She said that God ordained that intimacy to happen in marriage and that that's why break-ups are so hard. Its like going through a divorce. She's so right. Its been 2 years since Afroman and I broke up and it still hurts.

It reminded me of a twitter convo I was having with someone else who was like dudes wanna live with you and expect you to have their backs in every way, borrow money from you when they're low, have sex with them on demand. I was like, that's a wife. She was like, they don't know the difference. Its true. The only difference between a real marriage and what I had with Afroman was a ring, a ceremony, and an official commitment (see post:cheaper to keep her). If marriage is something I ultimately want, why not make 'em wait?

Sounds good? Yea. But I'm just scared that if I make it OFFICIAL, I'm gonna face some bitter temptation and end up breaking it (which BFF did) and suffer for it (which BFF did).

I mean, let's face it...I've made some decisions with my crotch. (See Aussie chapters 1 and 2, Blair, KappaGuy 1st Chapter, Dame,...)

I mentioned that I might be going celibate to Afroman. Ummm. Yes, we talk everyday. He thought it was a good idea but that it might be hard for me (I was sort of a lil aggressive in bed when we were together). I was like, wouldn't you feel special if you married a girl who waited years to have sex because she was waiting specifically for you or is that notion archaic? He said it would be awesome.

You know Nina, you are special.

*insert beating heart*
Thank you.

I mean that.

I know.

What the heck do you say after that?

Thank God for emoticons. I smiled. Lol

Shortly after that KappaGuy cancelled on me. He got caught in the rain.

YW, said something on the lines..if its meant to be...

Afroman said I should go to the museum alone. I did. I almost slipped in the heels I was wearing and so I decided to go home.

Later, KG text me if we could do a midnight movie. Sounded like a set-up for something else. I declined.

It was good that I did. I got home and a cold was setting in. I felt so weak and horrible. Went to bed.
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