What Are You Living For? + Kate Chopin

I arbitrarily ask questions or make statements via text to my close friends. You may get a random hello or a message that says I want tacos or whatever comes to mind. Because I am awesome and quirky. Lol

Today, I texted my friend BP what does he live for? He's a dope a rapper and I kind of expected him to say music. Instead, he didn't answer. Hmmm...

Its the question I'm struggling with too. I know the Jesus Freak in me should say something like...living to live again in eternity with our Lord but umm...not quite. I don't even know if I want to do makeup anymore. Just a year ago, it was the first thing I thought of in the morning and the last thing at night. I have a few bridal contracts I have to sign but I really kind of don't want to do it. I hardly want to do my own makeup. SHOCKING!

I need to figure this ish out. And fast! Having no money is not fun.

On a lighter note...I wait for my 2nd run at celibacy to think I'm having a sexual awakening. Part of me wants to take on a lover. I have fantasies in my head that I really want to act on while the other (more religious and sane) side says that those things should be saved for marriage.

Then I think...what if my husband gets in a freak accident and is paralyzed from the waist down and can't have sex. What then? No one should go into a marriage for sex.

And then I think,  yes...if I wanted to, I could sleep with someone tonight. Would it be good? Maybe. What I want is to be comfortable with my next partner I want to blow his mind and him to blow mine. That comes with trust and you generally don't have trust in a one night only deal.

I'm rambling.

Anyways...I am not certain celibacy is healthy. My friend is a minister in training and he's been with his girlfriend for 3 years and they have been celibate. 25 year old man, celibate for 3 years. His girlfriend is not sure if they will be able to break out of it if they get married. She's not sure he finds her attractive. There's a lot of mental anguish.

Most people believe in God until he butts into their wallets and bedroom so who knows...

Rambling again.

I want to punch girls in the face that look at me too hard. Its like...why do you have to grill me because of whatever reason you're grilling me for...but that could just be my period talking. Lol

Nothing else on my mind. Later gators.